Happy New Year!

A year passes.

I have just visited the blog of the late Grace Chow (mentioned in The Straits Times Article 6th December). Her writing was impressive. I had not known other real-life accounts of fighting diseases, and this is my first time reading one. I'm not finished with it...

Yes. Images on TV bring on the destruction of the tsunami. It is saddening. Brings back memories of Pure Geography...

I hope I have grown wiser. My resolution: achieve GPA above 3.3 this term.

How? I shall start organising my thoughts, and plan for the future - or at least a road map to guide me along the way. :)

Course selection.

There's nothing more I want to do now, but study.
It's useless thinking about it - Biotechnology or Biomedical Science?

"Begin with the end in mind", I recalled a precious lesson. I should have worked harder last term, if I knew the stakes. But that's past. I thought over my mistakes. Losing pace with the lectures was critical. That cost me. Co-Curricular Activities were not supposed to be a priority. And yet, I let life go where it taketh me.

My GPA sucks. I think over how my coursemates managed to score distinctions. What is it about them that sets them apart from the rest? There's no substitute for hard work. And it's worthless writing here. Should my grades impr-

I find myself in the 3rd Quarter of the cohort. I considered whether I should start doing my homework faithfully. (Undoubtedly, yes.) I have awakened. I am in control of my life. From today, I'll let none steal my time away from me.

Once more in the pits of depression, I look up.
And what do I see? A nightsky filled with numerous stars.
When will I get there? How do I get there?
The quest for greatness.

Rock music always sounds looped... somehow. Looped synthesized music, and it ends with the catchy tune.

Keane - Untitled 1 (from the album, Hopes and Fears)

It's the rhythm that catches my attention. Then there's the notes - the melody, fitting pieces onto the song.

It's as depressing as Kid A. All the radiohead numbers.

Phantom of the Opera.

Just came back from the movie. No movie has inflicted me with so much emotion since the Fellowship of the Ring. For a matter, their songs were so pleasant and affecting to the ear. Here is a believable story with an edge of fantasy! It was easy to identify our hero (Raoul) and the heroine/victim of the phantom (Christine). The visual effects/elements were excellent. By effects, I mean the phantom has some weird technology - which makes lighted candles rise out of a subterranean lake. And the setting was that rowing boat in the subterranean lake.

The world fades into grey in the present, contrasting with the colours of past glories of the opera house. I especially liked the cemetry scene where some or most of the fighting took place. Action/suspense was incorporated there. It convincingly looked like a struggle.

The story was well told too, with comedy in many parts of the musical. *Salute* Andrew Lloyd Webber, producers, and cast - who made it possible.

I still don't understand the last part about having hands above your eyes - when you meet the phantom?

My friend said it was so much like a musical, he could close his eyes. It IS A MUSICAL in the first place! But ah! Knowing him so well, I'd say he's NOT well-suited to musicals. I simply adore the two managers that sing about their business on a regular basis. "Where's my prima donna?" hahaha.. LOL

I love the chord that climbs up and down. It is introduced on cue at every opportunity. (a scene in the movie: the candle flames snuff out, and all the opera house was dark.)

You know I am such a sucker for simple artistic detail.

It would have been the ideal movie for a date. It has a great deal of romance (especially Darkness! hahaha..) throughout. Especially that duet on the rooftop, "one deed, one lifetime.." *cough-cough* I mean, "... share with me one love...", from the song, 'All I ask of you'.

I desire to own the Phantom soundtrack... All of the tracks, "Angel of music, Think of me, Wishing you were somehow here again..." are sentimental feed to the brain.


- Irrelevance -
1. Digressing from the main topic, the 'cheese of distinction' which I bought 2 months ago is now growing microorganisms - green and brown. It is really a waste. It is my wish to examine them under a microscope. Haha. Damn! Stop feeding on my cheese. Yeah. Microorganisms are important for food spoilage...

2. I heard Keane today. Their album this year, 'Hopes and Fears'. I'd say it's not bad at all, on a first listen. I liked Track 3.

3. Does patronising the arcade help body coordination? I've seen people steering 'cars', bashing 'drums', firing 'guns', bashing keys (manipulating joysticks)... But your auditory nerves really do suffer. :) Serious, am I?

New philosophy!

I came across a new philosophy of life.

"Dun play-play." In all aspects of life, whether studying or making friends, it is inadvisable to fool around.

It is no exception when it comes to music. When you lose all your notes, you just have to pick yourself up and start over again.

There is also a limit to other people's tolerance. I feel bad, of course. But this serves a good reminder for me to take the wheel, steer and take control of my life, or else it's going nowhere. (truthful advice sounds ingratiating to the ear)

Challenging are the daily demands of life; and this supposedly, speeds up the evolution of humans, as they work under the hectic pace of daily life, finding solutions to a never-ending trove of problems.

*yawn* what am I talking about? I hope it makes sense.

Did I drink too much lime juice?

Come Support!!

I swear I am going to give my best performance ever!! :D

Many things in life are not to be missed, and this is such a ONE.

I'm practising hard... Meeting up with Colibri in a very fruitful practise. The time is right. The songs are right. And nothing could possibly go wrong...

Good tidings~! Good tidings~!

To Choir Ppl:

My friends, be sure of your parts and sing out!! Once you know the notes, you can sing out with feeling! Know the mood of the song, whether it is a jingly carol or a sombre song (that which depicts the death of christ). There ought to be a difference.

The alleatory device in O Magnum Mysterium never fails to amaze me... It is like a million voices swimming in the head... Mind you, a lot of whispers in the background, like painting a beautiful image of the universe.

O wondrous Mystery!
O awesome sacrament! ... Oops, copyright notice here. -_-"
Full Translation...

What are good standards? Such that we sing until the audience cry... Even the non-christians, auntie and uncles, can understand what we are singing about. We must visualise and paint out the big picture for them - we are artists - or else good christians would just be satisfied with the religious text. Then, can we make our concert what it's worth!

4 Days. We can do it!

This is just a sharing. Feel free to pass it on. =P

Zhong Hao.

My Handphone is Lost

Why are Singaporeans so dishonest?
Are we witnessing the failure of the education system?

I am 'careless fool'. I am a victim. You have left me without a word, standing there. Pity me. Pity me. Think over what you have done! Wasn't it exceptionally cruel? But clever!

I know that there are 2 opportunistic bastards out there, grinning away at the prospect of making small fortune. Do not be tempted by unexpected gains! I see that you have left on the road to hell. Sometimes, in order to vent my anger, I curse you everyday; but I can't find my intended target; and within the walls of my room, they echo back, leaving me in a cruel state of my reflections.

No. My curses will never find you! Yet I sincerely hope that you will not sleep well for the rest of your days. I hope it poisons your mind as the loss of it poisons mine.

If anyone tries to sell you a Sony Ericsson T230 colorphone, or a Nokia 3315 (both Blue cover models)... Try asking the person about its origin.

And be careful on the MRT. Zip up all your bags.

Identity Crisis

Some people are just so nice in this world. I find myself drawn inward their social circle.

I hope I have found somewhere I belong. I really long to be part of their circle.

Surround your life with friends and every single day, lead a happy, carefree life...
Free from all worldly desires. (Maxims by Zhu Zi)

Yes. How tempting! Yet, who does not dream of that?

Time in solitude forced me to face my inner demons. I couldn't face them alone, and eventually, I became a pressure cooker. I had to look outwards.

They say Zhong Hao has that tortured look on his face.

For that, I smile at them, for speaking the truth. It has always been tough to maintain that facade.

They gave me very good feedback about my general behavior. It gave me good reason to learn more about them.

Being critical of myself: I have a deep fear of being insincere. I dislike being frivolous, thinking before I speak, lest I show my stupidity. I dislike being forced to do the things I dislike. I also have a short attention span.

Well, since I have identified my problems, I shall move on to solve them. Wish me good luck!

My Handphone is Lost

Please take note.

Why are people so dishonest these days?

I left my HP, a blue Sony Ericsson T230, on the upper deck of bus 196 heading for Clementi, after alighting around Suntec City.

My friend dialled my no. repeatedly and no one picked up the phone. Suddenly, his phone came to life, with my no. on it. He said he heard static, which meant the finder-keeper had left the bus.

Cynicism is getting the better of me.

Why am I so careless nowadays?

Maintaining my blog isn't one of my priorities anymore, and I write all too serious posts. I've been reading up Singapore's BEST BLOG! It's very amusing - I FEEL SO INFERIOR. =)

Enough with the negatives. I finished the Da Vinci Code. It was kind of boring halfway into the book. I thought I came across too many twists - I can't keep up with the pace. So all those events took place in the space of 2 days? Without sleep, nor food nor drink, those characters can combat fatigue and still remain so focused throughout the story! Meanwhile, I rub my eyes while they swam in tears across the pages.

I never expected Teabing, the Grail Historian to turn out to be the big bad guy. I am also curious about the true location of the holy grail. Is it really hidden beneath the Louvre Museum? It's a work of fiction. Right?

Here's additional food for thought:
http://arrrgh.redeaglespirit.com/archives/001099.html

Archangel.

As I read The Da Vinci Code, I can't help but think of another book.

Archangel by Robert Harris.

Fans of the Da Vinci Code, and History should read this. The latter was published in 1999. Its plot bears a stark resemblance - the old man died with his secrets, the academic trying to uncover them in time, with the police monitoring him closely.

Archangel is more deep, absorbing, and has a flowing storyline; In comparison, Da Vinci is very dynamic, with surprises at every corner. However the Da Vinci Code is very educational too - I had no idea what the Fibbonacci sequence? was prior to reading. Archangel makes a good candidate for History students interested about Russia during Stalin's rule.

Here's a gist of the book:
http://www.randomhouse.co.uk/features/harris/

I can't say Archangel is a better book than Da Vinci, because I'm not done with the latter yet.

Do not read.

I'm seeking a kindred spirit; (not the Chinese Drama 'Zhen Qing'!) or a friend that I could relate to in this world. Perhaps I should put an ad in the classifieds - 'FRIEND(s) WANTED'. One good friend is enough, but more ain't bad either.

About Friendster: Let me tell you straight, I'm not good at making friends, and if you want to be sore enemies for life, go ahead. I've tried my best - I'm not nice. U detest me; I detest you. Let's not speak to each other again, and be forever lost in the silence.

I can't type a testimonial for any of my new friends, because I don't suppose I know all of you well enough. And I guess the converse is true. I enjoy being a mysterious albeit disinteresting personality. I love being misunderstood.

I dare not provoke any more angry feelings. Avoid. Avoid. Avoid.

Image is very important, and so, I shall cancel my friendster acct. and bury myself in the shadows.

One good thing that came out of this:
I'm reading The Da Vinci Code, after coming across it in many friendster profiles.

Going for choir practise now.

A life of it's own.

This morning I woke up. Crisis stressors, telling me to study for 'Human Anatomy and Physiology' increased my heart rate, blood is routed to my brain. The Symphathetic Division of my Autonomic Nervous System (ANS) was facing an extremely stressful situation: Examination. My pupils dilate, allowing my eyes to see clearly in the morning light. I thought: I am so screwed. I struggled to read the 'Sliding Filament Theory' in the notes. (Shockingly true, it came out later. But I did not know how to draw the diagram.)

I spent yesterday afternoon daydreaming. This whole week, I abstained from watching Television (except TV-mobile) and music (Mozart!) was applied sparingly. I find myself talking to my mother as a past-time. She's always so busy with her work. But now, with the government cutting down on the number of civil servants, she is likely to face an early retirement next year (she's 47). I don't know why I am upset. Perhaps I will have a reduction of pocket money... My mother has always been very steadfast in her work. She is a workaholic. When she returns home at night, she still has to do the majority of housework.

Ok, I have digressed. But today, I'm suffering from lack of sleep. This morning, I grabbed my breakfast, drank two cups of green tea and headed for the bus-stop. I had to read my notes along the way (On the bus, on the MRT). I missed the Bedok station because I thought I had left my wallet on the train. I had to take the MRT back from Tanah Merah. Despite this blunder and against all odds, I made it... to... school.

The passing events became a blur mix of emotions.

In the evening, I sat alone at Shaw Towers' 'Burger King'. The waitress had mistakenly served me a large coke instead of a regular. Thus I found myself using up my free SMS. I msged sis, wondering how she was coping with O'Levels, and an old classmate of mine, whom I have lost contact with. The BK restaurant was also playing P98's chill-out hour, and the popular tunes. I was hooked on it, and they played Linkin Park's 'Numb'.

"All I want Is to be more like Me..."

I went to Tower Records before that, and they were playing a Marilyn Manson album. I felt the impulse to buy it because it makes me feel so... I don't know.

Tired la - what the hell.

Friends?

because i've been overly sensitive, (or that I didn't gather enough evidence to make accusations.) Accusations can be false, furthermore it is not a testimony in court. My blog, shall I emphasise - is an artistic platform for me to express my (limited) creativity. This time, I will have to take back all the things I said, to negotiate peace. (What would u have done in my shoes?)

I hope it comes. I hope what you said was true.

I should never believe...

Is your birthday day 7 of the month?
>Your Life
>You are sensitive to changes around you but your feeling is hardly
>expressed. You hate exaggerations. Under your quiet personality, you are
>rather stubborn and self-centered. These qualities are the force behind your
>extreme persistence.
>Your Love
>You have enormous courage to please your lover. Your relationship often
>progress quickly.

...such things.

If YOU read my blog.

Why am I suffering from stress? I was wondering as to how my practical worksheet got to the other side of the table during the start of the HAP Lab session. This is intolerable! This is evil in the first degree. I can take no more of YOUR attitude problem. If you want a war, I'll bloody hell give it to you.

To start off things, I take my hat off to the THIEF. I occupied my workbench, placing my pencilcase and calculator atop my practical worksheet. Then, at full attention, I turned to face the lecturer for the briefing. Whereas the standard practical worksheet had the caption "Execretory System," I modified my copy to 'Excretory System'. AND that was how I found you out.

I mean, YOU could have at least said sorry for taking MY PAPER (and yet you did not). YOU left me searching frantically for my paper for 5 minutes. Moreover, YOUR FRIEND accused me of taking YOUR paper. THAT REALLY PISSED ME OFF... Was it a DELIBERATE ACT? This is the SECOND DIRECT injustice done to me in this term. The first was when YOUR FRIEND screamed into my face for no good reason at all; how was I treated? I am just bottling up my temper, timed for explosion.

I am outraged.

Food for thought.

If typing in my blog means offending people, I should probably stop blogging or blog something like this. I may sound like a hypocrite, but the content in my blog is subject to my personal experiences and I have a right to my own feelings.

HOWEVER, I would like to clarify some misunderstandings about my CCN day post - I know that it is quite irreversible now - if it is still upsetting certain people. Yeah, I'm starting to think that blogging draws thin the line between public and personal life. I'm going to cross many boundaries, don't you think?

If you *cough* feel entertained, (well of course you are!) you are welcome to sit around. If not, you are free to leave. After all, this is THE MOST awfully dull :P


* * *
For those who care:

- CCN Day REVISITED. -

1. ...I have a selfish concept about this one. Why should I (raise funds) - if I am caught up in the rat-race? I am indirectly making less opportunity for myself. I do not see my benefit. Furthermore, each of us in the class is donating $10.00. Wow! A hefty sum, and some girls think they can just part with their money, like boyfriends. :)

2. ...I have been going around handing - ugly - flyers... (it refers to those in black and white print)

4. ...I was going to say, "I'm gonna do things my way! IT'S MY WAY! MY WAY OR THE HIGHWAY!! LALALA..." (sounds familiar?) :p (Ok, so you're UPSET about me making a fool of myself?)

5. Some day you'll see things my way. It's a matter of time. :) (I hope so.)

6. I wanted to dance. I wanted to shout. And so I just shouted instead. IT's so wrong! There should be a pretty girl dancing on the bench, (ok, in better words... maybe promoting the product) NOT me! Why were they so shy with selling our product? This will forever remain an unsolved mystery. (Ok, now I know you girls are shy, it - never! - occurred to me.)

7. It was an educational experience for me. (This is the topic sentence)

8. P.S. Please don't sell apples dipped in chocolate syrup, (see this?) cause I think it sucks big time! (it refers to the chocolate apples sold in business school)


Come to think of it, it's so troublesome - I should probably stop crapping ard here. Have a nice day.

In my words:
"You can CROWN yourself CHAMPION in your blog;
but in REALITY, you'd only make a fool out of yourself."

Many Meetings

I entered my old school with that same feeling of trepidation again. Originally, AND MOST IMPORTANTLY, I had to acquire my O'Level cert. For the second time, AND the second Saturday, I arrived at the Admin. Block only to find the General Office shut behind a wall of metal sheet. I cursed my own stupidity. I knocked on the door to no avail.

A teacher emerged, but it took me a few seconds to identify him. He was Mr Kwek WH.

Coming straight to the point I said, "excuse me, I'm here to collect my O-Lvl cert. Is it available?"

"no, the general office is closed... Come on a weekday," He said.

I am not free on weekdays! Curses! Temasek Poly is so far away from CCHS! I must photocopy that cert to get it into my APEL* portfolio! (Curses)


When I saw my choir juniors, I wanted to flip open a 'For Dummies' book of "How to maintain good lasting-relationships." They were so happy together and I don't know what to say to them at all.

"Thanks for the good times! Hope you enjoy yourself." In no way cynical at all.


Birds in the sky,
They look so high,
It is my perfect day.

I feel the breeze,
I feel at ease,
This is my perfect day... (Never grow Old, The Cranberries.)


My ex-choir mates were in JC, and they all talked in a strange language I don't understand. I wish them good luck - in no way cynical too. This was because (hugs to Rachel) my choir junior wrote me a very sweet note - on a 'Spiderman 2' Postcard! Yay! - that deeply affected me, stirred wonderful memories. I was touched that she even bothered to do so. It was yet... another good luck note.

The Hell-gates are open...

Feel that chill up your spine? 'Seventh-month' is here!

(Author's Note: I wanted to post this yesterday, but I encountered problems accessing my blog. It seemed as if ghosts have taken over the internet... *o* "" )

Walk in...

It must be the smell of incense in the air. As the locals probably know, the 'seventh-month' on the Chinese Lunar Calendar is the Hungry Ghost's Festival, a custom followed by the chinese for many centuries.

Day 1
*Wah liao eh! I was walking home, when suddenly I saw a figure draped in a white cloth drifting pass me... Shit!!
(Just kidding... But those kids with 'heelys' (shoes with a rubber wheel at the heel) can emulate the 'floating' effect)

*Hokkien exclamation
:)

In reality, I was walking home - approaching my flat in the middle of the housing estate when - shit - a piece of burning incense came from nowhere, almost flew into my eye! I recovered from my initial shock and painfully, continued walking with increasing caution. When I left the common corridor, I saw a few traditional, tiny round biscuits (which I often indulged in as a child) being left out in the open, on the grass for the spirits. They were placed in a plastic wrapper beside the red, burning candles and the red wax. Thus I inferred that they must be offerings.

Unable to contain my amusement, I crossed over to the communal garden and fountain - smack - right in the centre of the housing estate. Birds (pigeons, mynas and crows) would often drink their fill there. I SAW a single DEAD FISH placed over the edge of the footpath, with nasty flies congregating around it. I was thinking that people have really gone too far with the economical upturn, treating our *good brothers, 'hao xiong di' so well this season.


Today is Day 2.

I had a (cold) choir today. I met April at the canteen. It feels great to have friends around to talk to, even once in a while. :)

How to?

Ever since I got into Polytechnic, I found out that MY time is not quite my own...

Instead, it is for sharing with the rest of your classmates - or you'll risk getting outcast.

Time is something - an entity - that I have to conquer... to win over, on my side...

Somewhere in between playing Alien Scum, an arcade flying-ship shooter, on my handphone (Sony Ericsson 230), and trying to read - spilling my eyes over - a textbook on a jerking bus; I wonder where did it all go. Perhaps I spent too MUCH time looking outside the window, or looking at girls...

Nah. It all comes down to the management of time.

* * *

I was wondering whether I might be spending too much money on transport. I live in '...', I tell my friends. I change from bus to MRT and back to bus again at the interchange - in a single trip.

"Then why did you come to TP?" came the crushing reply.

Self-Evaluation.

This is test week. :'(

Before AND after the paper, I DO feel an onslaught of stress.

Partially due to the Communication Skills Essay I rushed through in 5 hours. I also shut myself away from others since the last week for my self-study.

This self-study kills! Very reminiscent of my O'Levels. I should have got into a study group in the first place. I picture myself in the future, all-powerful but not happy, without a supporting backbone of friends...
What use is this?

This would mean a gradual adjustment to the way of doing things.

I must try to make more friends!

Drastic changes are way out.

today

ELF stands for Experiental Learning Facilitators.
 
Basic commands from belaying school are demonstrated below:
(Climber is denoted by 'C', Belayer is denoted by 'B')
 
C: Am I on belay?
B: Yes/No.
 
B: Belay On.
C: That's me. (Too tight?)
 
C: Ready to climb?
B: Climb On.
 
Go try out a CCA.
Got to know a new friend today.

Streetwise Run 2004 (Youth Day)

Last week I participated in the 2004 Streetwise Run.

I was silly enough to have participated alone. It cost me $10 and one valuable afternoon of revision.

I was all alone... No friends.

But, hmm... I saw a girl in a VJC P.E. T-Shirt, alone, doing stretching exercises faithfully. With the intention of making friends, I stayed near her. At the starting line, just before the Community Run started at 4.15 pm, I mustered just enough courage to say, "hi".

I felt stupid, but I got a reply. That was all I got.

After the initial sprint, the sun's rays piercing my skin after cool rainy weather, I felt faint and exhausted. I jogged backwards to see the distance between me and the next runner. I was also psychologically defeated - "Community run... No prizes! No competition! Why try so hard?" Instead, I could pace myself with that girl behind me... I started to take rests - e v e r y - now - and - then. Many younger runners overtook me, but I thought: "what's the point?" =)

At the midpoint, I remember an arm stretching out to hand me a rubber band tag (a piece of paper stapled onto it) to indicate 5km run.

I was walking 400 metres before the finishing line, when I heard a bystander call out, "slacker!" Hahaha... I was so happy he recognised me. I smiled and raised my hands in acknowledgement! I ran from there. I felt so bad about overtaking two young boys with ease, at the finishing line.

When I caught my breath, I found the drinks station (canned H-TWO O) and handed one to the glowing VJC girl. I tried to act-cool for half-an-hour, walking around, but I must have looked pretty dumb - haha. A little boy asked me for directions to get the drinks.

That girl found her friends - schoolmates (a group of them). I didn't get to know her name. I blew my chance.

Geesh. What a waste.

I've Got a Sister!!

no lah, not really... but as in god-sis! I'm so happy and proud of her... ^_^

Haha... I'm not saying who she is. (psst.. she's SHANYU-MEI)

How do I feel? Tommy in the Rugrats: "YOU'VE GOT SOME RESPONSIBILITY NOW..."

"sponsitility?" o.O

ok i know i'm lame...

Running in the Neighbourhood

I feel nostalgic everytime I run by my neighbourhood in Kallang. So much has changed...

I took on a new route, 
on a friday, at dusk. 
It ran beside the main road. 
 
I chased after bicycles
with Indian workmen sitting atop.
I ran freely for miles.  (good poem? X_X)

When I felt tired, I tried to secure a lift from my working father, as he rang up my handphone. The attempt proved unsuccessful. Hence, I wondered/wandered about getting home before dark.

I found the river, or the river (it seemed to be this way around) found me. I wandered beneath the shadow of the darkening trees. (Uh.. okay.. I'm in a sort of park, treading this winding footpath, the occasional bicycle...) I came to an ulu-ulu place, which (my deepest fear) may harbour active homosexuals. I took a look around at the end of the path. I heard a muted gasp come from within...

I could see under the lamp, middle-aged men fishing, relaxing on the chair. One or two were half-naked. No, I'm not interested in these things. This was no gay group, but I felt lucky I wasn't a woman! Getting through that area still proved a test of courage. I walked on nonchalantly, and there was no turning back.

I went under the bridge, and met the troll. (That would sidetrack a little, but nothing happened.) On the other end of the bridge were more fishermen. Under the bridge, I felt cornered - intimidated by the burly men. I thought I should make a run for it. I wondered if they might club me from behind. They looked like a gang. Any minute now, I could be captured; kidnapped. However, none of them happened - or had the guts - to block my exit.

(I would like to mention again that in Singapore, kidnapping is a crime that fetches a maximum penalty of...) O.O

Maybe I am far over the cynicism side. But it's better to be safe than sorry...

On the other end, I came out, slightly worried. I turned and saw a sign: "Kallang Sea Sports Club". I realised that I've just gone under the wrecked Nicoll Highway (Merdeka Bridge).There was an eerieness about the place. There were no cars above me. I climbed up the staircase...

I could use the Merdeka Bridge to get home. I often ran across the bridge in Secondary 2, training for my only major sports event (long-distances). The Nicoll Highway was sealed off after that point. I met 2 more fishermen chilling in the night, on the middle of the bridge. I resisted the impulse to say hi.

Update

It's over! I feel a sense of loss sink in.

This performance was not good enough - for many... (choir members esp ^_^"' )

BUT I TRIED MY BEST...

If someone calls you before the performance asking for directions you'd be stressed. I felt very stressed that evening. Sure, and you had to be the first to walk upstage! I didn't find time to scan the audience and search for familiar faces - your parents (and relatives) are sitting in the front row, watching you intently. I remembered that I'm only a bass - so I should tone down. I should remember to smile more often...

I didn't listen to the rest of the choir... I didn't really blend in or anything. I couldn't relax. My feet hurt, wearing the strange black shoes.

But I did not zao sia in any of the songs. ^_^

Thanks for all valuable feedback:

I would really hate to disappoint you next time!

TPSU Orientation

"RECTORS WILL WIN THE WAR, RECTORS WILL WIN THE WAR!"

"Oui - oui!"
"Sup - sup - oui!"
In french, 'oui' means yes. o.O

You know, I really love the GLs. It's their movitating spirit. It's really inspiring. They shout till their throats go hoarse.

I feel lucky to have met such great people.

Hoobastank - The Reason is yet another cool song I want to highlight. It goes: "I'm not a perfect person..." blahblah.

RECTORS STEADY BOH?!
STEADY PONG BEE BEE ARH!! =)

Imagination

I dreamt I gatecrashed TJC. Teachers held everyone in line and inspected us one-by-one for illegal articles. "HANDPHONES were NOT ALLOWED". Time was running out and I quickly left my HP in a shallow drain like my friend before me.

I got into a Chinese Lecture? The teacher rolled out the attendance list. I took the place of one of the 2 USA attachment student absentees (probably fighting in Iraq). I wonder which movie I was in. It all sounded so illogical that I slipped back into consciousness.

I have been to TJC only twice, but I feel TJC is like a chalet. o.O

- Some cool music from the Jack Neo film -
"Saturday, Sunday will open or not...?" o.O in Mandarin.

I first heard that on the radio, when my father was driving the car. My father made a comment that it's stupid. I laughed or rather - winced. What's worse was when Jack said he was good at making "4D" films... o.O

Cynicism is Back

I have told a friend that my life has been a crazy mess lately.
I've been campaigning for MORE SLEEP at home.

I think life is lonely and all that, your friends aren't with you, anytime. (u receive 0 msgs a day...)

You plan a daily schedule. You find something worthwhile to do, like eating breakfast in the morning - in a deserted coffee shop. You offer sound advice to juniors, hoping they would be grateful... o.O What else can I hope to achieve here?
- - -

RANDOM THOUGHT
"As if having sweaty palms that slip while playing the guitar aren't bad enough..."

Q. What must one have?

A. Patience.
- - -

My brother listens to weird dance trax... o.O

So far there is weak response for tickets to Colibri Chamber Choir Concert. I feel so let-down. Totally.

Sometimes I wonder what friends I have... o.O

What must one have? Patience?

Cynicism is back, and I'm spelling: D-O-U-B-T.

Flashbacks

"Stop it CLASS! Now this is UNBECOMING of a CHEMISTRY LAB!" the Chemistry teacher raised her voice...

;) Seriously, this was where I was - in Millenia Institute - a few months ago. I was taking Physics, Chemistry and C Maths as part of my subject combination. I had a tendency to daydream in class. You know that look in the eyes of a person who is somewhere else, far away...

In another scenario, it happened to be a rainy afternoon in another part of the building. The whole class was longing to go home. The relief physics teacher was a short man - which I am afraid to call - a hobbit. But he was good, the best of the shirefolk, may I say! He was exceptionally cute and made jokes out of ikan bilis...

"Now class, listen... LISTEN..." he said, above the noise of the raindrops. He was trying to explain the concept of Relative Velocity to us, I couldn't remember, and couldn't care less. I was looking out of the window at the running track. It was such a cool afternoon and I feel sleep beckoning me on...

You know after school, we hung out as a class... Sort of missed my ol' class...

(so ends the positive part.)

* * *

You know when you feel the loneliness creeping in on you. It ain't the coolest feeling and you feel powerless. You start speaking out aloud - uncontrollably - into the silence. For goodness sake, get a grip! Maybe. You are thinking of someone all the time and you're playing a waiting game. (Maybe I'll see you again in the next life?) Staying very alert... Somehow everything seems to be going on in the world at large. So you turn on the news. People talking, talking... It's nice to get engrossed in the fantasy world behind the box.

You turn up the volume to get it into your head. People talking... A ceaseless chatter...

Environmental Factors

... leading to my distress.

During night-time, my 19 year-old brother keeps forcing me to hear the J-Pop I DON'T WANT TO HEAR. It is only toleration now, anyway, since my brother is out working (NS) in the day. Arrgh. I'm GONE! I'm getting out OF THIS ROOM.

---#####23/5#########---MINDLESS-DRIVEL---
Haix... being the younger brother always causes me to give way... *sigh!* It can't be helped. Have you ever wanted an INSENSITIVE BROTHER in YOUR LIFE? I wonder at all the things I've done for him that have gone unappreciated. His infectious poor attitude towards his family... Bad manners... He's a person you want out of your house.

I'll just say it once - he's a damn bully!! I DON'T LIKE HIS WAY OF RUNNING THINGS!

For once, I am not holding back... (in my blog)

You know - the way I am - can be likened to a bomb ready to explode. Unstable. There's just so much pent-up frustration that I want to release!

Ok, maybe not a lot. I've been having a lot of bad dreams lately... I dreamt that I was running away from terrible things.

There's a reason why I stay away from the computer at night. My brother has HIS computer in the same room, air-conditioned. I'm just... IT'S SUCH A TORMENT!

and I'm not whining now... I'm so submissive You know earplugs won't help. I don't know - I'm not sure... :(

Hong Kong

... just some brief facts...

is a big congested city.

We stayed for 4 days in Kowloon Island. This was from April 30 - May 3.

The 3 star hotel (Dorsett Seaview) room was small. It did not live up to its name as I could not view anything such as a sea?

The new Hong Kong International Airport was marvellous. It brings Changi Airport to shame :) The toilets have automated-taps and soap-dispensers...

I had a great time shopping there. It wouldn't be good if you did not understand Cantonese.

Master and Commander (the Far Side of the World)

I have been an avid VCD watcher.

I have also bought "E.T. 20th Anniversary Enchanced Edition" VCD. In fact, my father's newly bought DVD player has given rise to this. He has bought some Chinese Drama Serials before me. One of this was: "Eloquent Ji Xiao Lan." It is about a court official - Ji Xiao Lan - in the Qing Dynasty. Unlike other aides, he is not a sycophant. He is the best scholar of his time and the Emperor appoints him to fight corruption... This show is blatantly humorous. If you doubt me, here's a BETTER REVIEW instead...

Master and Commander is an adventure story about a British Captain and how he got around the Far Side of the World (South America). The plot is simple. When Napoleon conquered Europe, H.M.S. (Her Majesty's Ship) 'Surprise' has to search and capture the French ship 'Acheron' on the Atlantic Ocean. This is a great thrill ride!

I killed a COCKROACH

... today, with insect spray. I'm fearful of cockroaches. These are nasty black things with a hard shell. They have survived on earth for over 340 Million Years... (see article: Cockroach Info From Y2K Commission)

It crept out in the open - on the kitchen floor - as if mocking me. After spraying a cockroach, it might not die instantly. In fact, it's almost bulletproof. I suggest spraying it spot on, or the tricksy little creatures will escape!

After the initial spray, the cockroach had crawled back slowly into the nearby hole in the kitchen wall. I sat around and waited. Anxious not to let the cockroach escape, I fired a lethal dose into the hole. I retreated to watch.

It crawled out again! The lethal dose got him. This was a victory and I left the scene of my crime. I revisited it a minute later to gloat over my success. The cockroach had crawled away! This was more than 2 metres from where I last saw it. It was upturned. Probably it was going crazy with the drug.

It struggled with vengeance as it saw me coming close. I recoiled when I saw it. I'm no less sympathetic. I tried to get away from the cockroach in the event that it might be playing dead and will take off, flying after me. It is after all, capable of such wicked deeds! I've seen such things before! I left the area to breathe some fresh air.

When I got back after a while, the cockroach had moved again - I blinked in disbelief - about one metre from it's previous position! A dose of fear crept up my shoulder. It was not dead yet - only upturned. I summoned the courage to finish it. I took up the spray can where I left it. I approached the struggling insect cautiously with a malicious intent. The first time around, I missed. There was a number of times - until I'm sure it took direct hit. Even then you must allow time for it to die. The sight of the legs clawing into air filled me with immeasurable guilt. (I supressed an evil laugh.) It was difficult to confront.

Yes, this is a confession! I admit that killing a cockroach isn't easy to me. It ain't anything to be proud of - it's a weakness! (Why am I even noting down these things?) My policy of confrontation! o.O I'm done for.

Hong Kong was fun! Shopping and eating! I do not intend to write a detailed tour guide here. There's too much ground to cover. :P

Expect a proper post by Saturday. ^o^'''

---#####7/5#########---FROM-THE-TOME-OF-NIGHTMARES---
CONFRONTATION
How is it when you can't write something - you say it's too boring - but in actual sense you're avoiding from it. When it seems as if "why bother?" the thing lingers on in your mind... You can't erase the experience... Not as serious as the trauma of alien abduction... but it's something you're trying to escape from, experiences you're trying to forget... they re-enact in your mind. They steal your sleep, bringing you to the edge of your sanity... I look over the edge into darkness and see images appear, voices emanating from within. Can I really forget? @_@

| Radiohead - Knives Out. | "Look into my eyes... I'm not coming back."

a SLICE - of LIFE.

I heard that on News Radio 93.8fm.

Yeah. What are the things that are to be cherished in this world... etc...

Like good music. It never goes away.

"ROCK ON YEAH!!"

(30/4)
I'm going away on family vacation in HONG KONG. Bad time for it, I heard... :( The mainlanders will be flocking in during the Labour Day holiday by the hundreds... :( I expect congestion... Yet probably there's nothing to be unhappy about. I will be leaving tomorrow morning, coming back Monday night. (Yes, I'll take care of myself; you too.) LOLx! =) If you see this, YOU know where I AM. ;)

Kid A.

Here is an electronic piece by Radiohead. The title piece of their FOURTH album - Kid A - in midi.

http://www.radioheadtabs.com/kida.mid

Sounds cool? Are you already suffering from 'apocalyptic visions'? Do you feel the darkness envelope you? But it's hardly that bad! The best part has to be the chilling melody and the haunting drumbeats... =)

(17/4)
It is a scorching hot day. -_-""" The Thai Songkran Festival was from 13 to 15th April. It is the 17th today and still as scorching hot as yesterday! But the festival only applies to Thailand - I thought Singapore should be celebrating it today! Yes, awful weather. It was Temasek JC sports meet yesterday, and I wonder if some of my friends got sunburnt... I sweat like a pig. I took refuge in MPCL as usual, and waited there for the sun to set. No kidding! ^_^''

Geylang Park Connector.

(13/4)
It was a bright morning as I jogged along the western shore of the Kallang river. I was about to bring along my camera to take some pictures. But who jogs with a handheld camera? It proved an inconvenience to me, and I jogged the furthest today.

I made past the Indoor Stadium on the opposite shore and continued up the gravel footpath. I met several Chinese fishermen fishing at a corner protruding out to the river. They seemed busy handling their fishing nets. On the shore - on a weekday - were quiet condominiums with the residents outdoors working. I could hear my footsteps echo and haunt the estate.

Small trees were planted alongside the path. On the river, the coast guard patrolled the waterways in a small Gunship. A smart uniformed man stood on deck. The Singapore flag onboard flew in full glory. (Wait, this must be propaganda, ain't it? :D)

I saw the office buildings emerge on the opposite shore, which was preceded by a beautiful sandy shoreline with coconut trees (and other tree species). I could see clearly on top of one of these buildings, "SUNTEC CITY". =P

Continuing up the footpath, I could go no further. A giant highway-bridge towered above me - in full view. This was the Tanjong Rhu flyover. River vessels also accessed these waters by drifting under the bridge. Cars on the highway above sped past. "Flyover," I remarked. It seemed as if they were racing onward to the heavens...

There was also a blue signboard, which indicated that TRESPASSERS would be PROSECUTED. Thus, I went no further.

Samwise the Brave.

"It's like in the great stories, Mr Frodo..."
The ones that really mattered.
Full of darkness and danger, they were.
And sometimes you didn't want to know the end,
because after the end you'd be happy.

How can the world go back to the way it was when so much bad happened?
But in the end, it's only a passing thing - a shadow.
Even darkness must pass!
A new day will come!
And when the sun shine, it will shine ever clearer!

Those are the stories that stayed with you that meant something,
even if you were too small to understand.
I think - Mr Frodo, I understand now.
Folk in those stories had lots of chances of turning back but they didn't.
They kept going, because they were holding on to something...

Frodo: What are we holding on to, Sam?

"That there's some good in this world, Mr Frodo!
And it's worth fighting!"

From The Lord Of The Rings - The Two Towers. ^_^ (Haha!)

Yozzz...
To all my friends preparing for their mid-year exams, whether in Secondary School or JC... Hahaha... I am calling out to you from across a distant shore... um, nevermind... As we struggle on with daily life, this should be the attitude for taking on challenges... "Never Give Up. Be Determined. Be Persistent." Check the thesaurus... :P

Hang in there, and stay cool!!

*NOTICE*

Due to my poor time management skills... Always using the same phrases, lame excuses and all those boring - incomplete entries... Due to my poor management of human relationships and lack of resources... Due to listening to too many CDs... I've decided to temporarily stop blogging. Please don't bother to check back for a week!!

I need to sort out my thinking. I will be visiting the library to go for retraining... Remember! Learn, Relearn and Unlearn! The library is a fascinating place to live in. I've been busy reading on the cosmos... Nah.

No more jobs for me (see the incomplete 'Misadventure'). My hands are full with tackling the choir and guitar course...

My loyal readers, thank you for all your support! =D (Sorry for the inconvenience...)

No Surprises.

A heart that's full up like a landfill,
a job that slowly kills you,
bruises that won't heal.
You look so tired-unhappy,
bring down the government,
they don't, they don't speak for us.
I'll take a quiet life,
a handshake of carbon monoxide,

with no alarms and no surprises,
no alarms and no surprises,
no alarms and no surprises,
Silent - silence.

This is my final fit,
my final bellyache,

with no alarms and no surprises,
no alarms and no surprises,
no alarms and no surprises please.

Such a pretty house
and such a pretty garden.

No alarms and no surprises,
no alarms and no surprises,
no alarms and no surprises please.

It's amazing how they can make a melody out of such grim lyrics...

OK Computer rocks!!

Now that I've bought the album, I'm convinced OK Computer is the Best Rock Album of the 20th Century! ^_^

Airbag - flying around in space...
Paranoid Android - 'Gigantic' song, a fine example of progressive rock.
Subterranean Homesick Alien - alien abduction?
Exit Music (For A Film) - Romeo and Juliet film credits.
Let Down - spaced out. Helpless. My favourite!
Karma Police - arrest me! Cool.
Fitter Happier = more productive
Electioneering - I trust I can rely on your vote. Is this Rock N' Roll?
Climbing Up The Walls - scary screaming.
No Surprises - nice, lovely song!
Lucky - cool electric guitar solo in the middle...
The Tourist - almost perfect! Ending the album by striking a triangle...

Coldplay's Parachutes is also very good. X_x I mean it has very affecting songs too. How to illustrate how I feel?

Coldplay + Radiohead = Coldhead + Radioplay

Not meaning... I'VE BECOME SO DUMB I CAN'T FEEL U THERE... BECOME MORE LIKE ME AND BE LESS LIKE U!! ^_^

Err... Sorry, I'm not thinking straight.
"I'll be alright. I'm just UPTIGHT!"

Misadventure.

Me and 2 other friends (Shi Ming & Wong Chyi) went job-seeking. We arrived on our appointment 30 minutes late. A day in the life of a gardener, this whole experience was due... TO GREED.

Boss, a middle-aged, clean-shaven Chinese man, arrived in his lorry with a loadful of plants. He did not take our lateness kindly. We were instructed to unload the plant troughs...

"Why did you carry out so many? I said FOUR... only FOUR - and I mean EXACTLY FOUR."

"I am a DISCERNING person..." He said all this sternly, in English.

With the words drilled into my head, I returned the additional trough to the lorry. I got Shi Ming to sit with him in the front, while Wong Chyi and I clambered up the back of the lorry. The engine started.

The lorry sped away. It was my first time sitting in the back of a lorry. It was hard to get comfortable, squeezing in with the potted plants. Yet I felt a sense of compensation, with the wind blowing in my hair.

'Life is an adventure,' I thought.

We left the old Seletar Airfield. We were somewhere in the 'desolate' north, far away from our homes... We passed by fields of tall grass, from afar, an LRT station, and some shophouses in the town. We found ourselves - in the middle of nowhere at the gate of a private semi-detached house. We could distinctly hear drilling and hammering in the background. It was currently under construction.

This morning started at 6AM where the 'Big 3' met to take MRT from Paya Lebar to the North East Line, Sengkang. On arrival, I forced my friends to forget about punctuality and let's go have breakfast at Compass Point Mc Donalds. I could still taste that delicious Spanish Omelette Bagel in my mouth...

The Boss explained to us, "two of you stay here, one follow me."

We were to conduct weeding! Dig out the black roots of the abundant cyress-grass with a chang-kol. Roots that look like ginseng. Just kidding. It was harrd work and I worked like a communist...

WC and I were talking to each other half of the time. He was on the optimistic side. The supervisor, a men in his 40s laboured away by himself, and called us to help him, every once in a while. Carried fences we did, dug trenches we did...

"At least the working environment here is good," he said.

"Good?" It was questionable. There was a bit of quiet, mild sunlight - yes. The foreign workers labouring away on the house were calling out to each other frequently. Some carried along a radio. There was the occassional singing from a worker.

Three hours passed, we laboured away - without much success in weeding. Boss was disappointed. He drove the work supervisor, me and my friends to the Seletar Food Centre (near the neighbourhood police post).

Back to work, we met a damned salesperson. He said who hired 2 students to do the work? And I was angry - demoralised. I suffered pain from a blister in my right hand. I thought about the pay, all the time! Can I survive this day?

Instant cement - just add water. Twas some yellow sand that turned grey when sprayed with water... Was it clay?

"It is Professionalism. We don't play here." One of his memorable quotes.

We dug a little trench parallel to the wall under call of the supervisor. There, boss laid down pipes with holes likely to seed plants

I avoided eye contact with the boss. He was critical of me. If we were to be sacked, I would be the first to go!

At the end of the day, we sat a bus home. The journey almost erased our toils in the garden, as we discussed whether to return to work tomorrow.

We didn't.

Hail To The Thief.

What a weekend!

Armed robbers nabbed in Singapore.
Chen Shui Bian wins the Taiwan Presidential Election.
Barisan Nasional secures landslide victory over Parliament and States.
Zhong Hao gets posted into Temasek Polytechnic.

* * *

Armed robbers nabbed... I have nothing to say about that. But did the police find all the firearms?

Chen Shui Bian secures sympathy vote by shooting himself in the stomach. What the hell? China doesn't like this guy at all. With such a marginal victory, there would be chaos and disunity among the Taiwanese. It would be difficult to be president. Why are there so many void votes? I urge Mr Chen to step down. Yeah. For the sake of the gamblers.

It's not the same here without you.

On Thursday I had a great P.E. lesson with 3 other friends from 10 AM to around 12 Noon. We played basketball and street-soccer. I amused my friends with my cheap 'flying-shoe' antics. I had them in awe with a winning streak...
The end result? Sunburnt. I fell sick.

This afternoon, I almost got hit by a flying cue ball at Marine Parade Pool Junction. I was trying to take a nap when it smashed above into the wall behind me. I felt lucky to be alive now...

Besides, lately... everything's alright...

None of life's strings could last...

'Clocks' can be wonderful at times, but can cause a serious buzz in the ear if not used sparingly.

I did not stay over at the class chalet yesterday... Costa Sands is sooo small!
No inspiration about OCH yet. I'll return to describe... No, I'M NOT POSSESSED. -_-

Colibri was fun. =)

Pretty soon I'll be singing 'Here Without You' by 3 Doors Down...
MaRK's blog!

Clocks

This song will either leave you crying for the mercy of Coldplay or paralysed.

Grammy Record Of The Year. I like this song in several ways. But I won't elaborate on them now.

* * *

I'm visiting Old Changi Hospital today and spending the night at a Class Chalet nearby. Wish me good luck.

I Get Real.

"All you have to do, is to decide what to do with the time that is given to you."

Familiar? Above, J.R. Tolkien as Gandalf in a dialogue between Frodo and Gandalf in the caves of Moria. What should I do with my time (in life)? Pursue a dream.

I got myself enlisted in an 'advanced' choir.

As for relationships. I'm not ready for one yet. I'm only beginning to understand... Nothing is as simple as it seems... I've understood the following example...

Worked Example: To Prove Girls are Evil

GIRLS require TIME and MONEY.
=> GIRLS = TIME x MONEY

and TIME is MONEY... $$$
=> TIME = MONEY

MONEY is the ROOT of ALL EVIL...
=> MONEY = sqrt.EVIL

=> GIRLS = MONEY x MONEY
= (sqrt.EVIL)^2 = EVIL

Therefore, GIRLS are EVIL! :p

Many thanks to Mr Lim Bock Seng (a very cool teacher in MI) for showing me this one! =)

Zhaong gets FRUSTRATED!

Zhaong gets frustrated when he does not have enough sl33p.

........... \| /
"Yawn..." :O - = @@*%...
""""""""""""" /| \

He yawns his mouth wide open like a black hole, threatening to swallow the entire universe... (see above)

"X'cuse me." :~)

People turned their heads around to stare at him. Some laughed. Others frowned angrily, and shook their heads in dismay. In those tired eyes, he thought he had been assaulted by shaking fists instead.

"Yawn..." :O {zzzz...}

"ZZZZZZZZzzzzzzzzzzzZZZZZZZZZzzzzzzzzZZZZ
ZZZZZzzzzzZZZZZZZZzzzzzzzZZZZZzZzzZzzzZZz
zzzZZZzzzzZZZZZZZZzzzzzzzZZZZzzZZZzz..."

Time slips away and slowly the Chemistry lecture comes to an end...

The Secret Machines.

Two weeks ago, I came across this new band, The Secret Machines. A 3 person 'techno-rock' band by nature - if there was such a term. They really know how to build up their songs... Watch out for 'Sad and Lonely' and 'Leaves are Gone'.

Forget 'Politik'. This is great - beyond Coldplay! Well, erm... sort of like punk rock. =) They let you listen to the songs on their new album online. I can't believe I stumbled across such a good thing...

Where do I go from here?

I've got 16 for my L1R5. A1 in Science (Physics, Chemistry). The rest are B3s, with an exception of a B4 for Combined Humanities...

-_-''' I can't believe I slogged for my Social Studies...

The auditorium was in a mess. Everyone dispersed shortly after receiving their results, with no care for past 'half-formed' relationships or whatsoever...

Later, I went to Zhen Gang's house to 'celebrate' or play 'Worms'. He was tired from the day's events and fell asleep while I played by myself. I got dragged out to the TJC Mardi Gras at 7PM. We had a good chat on the bus... since we had been in different classes from Sec 3... I paid $4 for admission. (Damn) But I got to know ZG's classmates - who are such wonderful people! I also got to know my previously unfamiliar schoolmates...

Saturday witnessed my eldest cousin's wedding. I had free champagne at the wedding dinner. (Hahaha!) Not to mention 2 glasses of red wine! Guess what music they played? Canon in D by Soprano Boys Choir, Kevin Kern's Sundial Dreams and (dunno what) 'life is a wonderful journey'. I heard Norah Jones' 'Dunno Why' a few times...

"My heart is drenched in wine..."

Yeah. *As I raise up a glass of champagne* (and eat those savoury brown/white heart-shaped chocolates... hmm... yummy!!) Life's good... Yet, something's amiss...

"Wish you were here!"

=D LOL!

* * * RE-EDIT * * *

Sunday was the day I got stressed. "Where should I go, JC or Poly?" In fact, I saw this nick several times on MSN... I found myself stumped at the same question... I needed counselling.

Adjusting my mind-set.

The results will be released at 2.30 PM tomorrow.

I can choose to be happy or upset.

It's times like this, you don't know how fortunate you are to be alive, with friends around. I'm feeling a little worried now. You don't know how fortunate you are, with no share of doing the housework...

Perhaps I should just camp inside a library for the next 3 months and spend my time studying, to compensate for my slacking this few months. Also, I feel I need the jumpstart...

Unworthy Thoughts. (Hopelessness.)

Life is a blur... like cars speeding across the expressway. Sometimes you'd just wish you could crash...

I dunno how to describe events lately.

I hope I have not invested my feelings in the wrong person. Shucks. It just depends on how much you feed those feelings. How is the receiver at the other end? Doesn't feel a thing. Maybe I should play some games to rid of the loneliness. Occupy my thoughts elsewhere. Go out. Go running. Bury my head in the books. Practise guitar. Sing some dumb songs.

So many things to keep me busy.
"Don't let a girl steal your soul or you'll have nothing left to offer..."

'Kid A' is a strong, depressing album.

Evaluation.

The 'O' Level results are going to be out in 2 weeks time. This spells doom for me... I'm just anticipating it as it comes.

Still... be a brave man, there's no running away from it.

What courses should I apply for in Poly? How should I chart my course? What's the next step? Should I resit for my 'O' Levels? All of these... in a blur.

My friends - so what if they do better than me? You reap what you sow!!

All of it, follows the results. Be prepared for the worst... :|

The Scientist

I've been busy at a midi. I'm sorry I don't have time for everyone. All apologies!

The adventures of a sick person.

Coldplay clinched the "Record of the Year" at the Grammys with Clocks. The award was dedicated to the late country singer Johnny Cash, and US Senator John Kerry.

This morning I woke up and didn't go to school. I went to Marine Parade Polyclinic... There was a long queue. I wasted about 2 hours there, staring into space. I was desperate for an MC, when I only caught a cold and had a minor sore throat. (I could have sworn I was sneezing again and again since yesterday morning)

Because the numbers were not called in sequence, I dare not venture away. Time slips away slowly...

INTO THE WEST (exit music for ROTK).

Words and Music by Fran Walsh, Howard Shore, Annie Lennox
Performed by Annie Lennox

Lay down,
Your sweet and weary head...
Night is falling,
You have come to journey's end...

Sleep now,
Dream - of the ones who came before...
They are calling,
From across a distant shore...

Why do you weep?
What are these tears upon your face?
Soon you will see,
All your fears will pass away...

Safe in my arms,
You're only sleeping...

(Chorus)
What can you see, on the horizon?
Why do the white gulls call?
Across the sea, a pale moon rises...
The ships have come to carry you home...

And all will turn to silver glass...
A light on the water...
All souls pass...

Hope fades into the world of night...
Through shadows falling out of memory and time...

Don't say,
We have come now to the end...
White shores are calling,
You and I will meet again...

And you'll be here in my arms,
Just sleeping...

(Repeat Chorus)

Spellbinding. No - I don't really understand what it means.

Where am I?

When you wake up from a dream, you looked dazed.

Advertisement:
Watch Get Rea! on Channel News Asia and vote for the best song concerning Singapore.

1st telecast : Fri, 9.30pm
2nd telecast : Sat, 11.30am
3rd telecast: Sat, 10.30pm
4th telecast: Sun, 10.30am
5th telecast: Sun, 11.30pm
(every Fri, Sat and Sun from 6 Feb – 22 Feb)

My favourite song...

is Coldplay, Yellow... =)
and God Put A Smile Upon Your Face, Green Eyes, The Scientist, Clocks... =)

from Radiohead... Let Down, Karma Police, Fake Plastic Trees, Creep, Anyone Can Play Guitar, How To Disappear Completely, Idioteque, In Limbo, Motion Picture Soundtrack, Knives Out, Morning Bell, The Pyramid Song, Sail To The Moon, Go To Sleep, I Will, There there, Punchup At A Wedding, Scatterbrain, Wolf At The Door...

and The Cranberries...

Hahaha. What a joke.

(6/2)
Radiohead have no 'love songs' except for 'Creep' and songs I don't know back in "The Bends" era. This probably attributed to their low popularity over here... Radiohead are a staunch political band...

So is Coldplay. But they have 'love songs' like Shiver, Sparks, Yellow, (would you agree that it has a sexual theme? haha! Its true!) The Scientist, (a good 'drunken-lovesick' song) Clocks, Green Eyes...

Follow me around.

Follow me around... follow me around... Here's a taste of Radiohead... =)

Cool song!! Rocks!! Lyrics HERE.

Scorpio Rox.

I got this from an email. =)

"DO'S
Scorpio's are full of passion and zest for life. They have tremendous drive that can involve you too. Tune in to their wavelength and you can enjoy the harmony and music of life with them. Scorpio's are loyal and never forget a kind deed done by you. If you want to enjoy life with your Scorpio lover, share their passion and intensity and you will be fascinated by how beautiful life can be with them.

DON'TS
Scorpio's are very passionate and intense but they are also fiercely possessive and would like to possess your mind, body and soul. Do not let seeds of jealousy grow in them because then you may have to suffer agonies of jealousy and discontentment in life. Scorpio's have explosive tempers – be careful how you handle them. They never let anyone know what is going on in their mind till they strike and you may be caught unawares. Do not flirt around in the presence of your Scorpio lover."

Middle-earth in Millenia Institute.

(OPENING MUSIC.)

(Title.)
The Two Towers...

(29/1)
In the distance, as seen from the windows (on the left side) of the Classroom B403 was Orthanc, Isengard, dwelling of the evil wizard Saruman. (Ulu Pandan incineration plant.) The uplifted grassy bloc of a fitness corner resembles the Shire, Hobbiton... The soccer field in the rain, with many puddles - the Dead Marshes. To the right windows at the front corner of the classroom, we can see Bukit Timah dressed in a little cloud. It is known as Baradur, Sauron's stronghold in Mordor. What? It may also be considered Minas Tirith... or Helms Deep... Anything goes. Nah. It does not have the dramatic intensity of Mt Doom.

We are in the kingdom of Rohan. Bukit Timah Primary School forms Gondor. All around us were private homes. The lands of Rohan and Gondor were sandwiched between Isengard and Mordor... Orthanc and Baradur... Our canteen is the stables. Yeah, why? Noisy! That's why. Our thousand strong horsemen, stableboys, and the women and children, including those from primary school...

So, it fits.

I am lame kid. (The ring is mine.)

Flaws. (The downside of life.)

I gotten rid of that "Anti-Social" Gollum inside me... Ah!! Smeagol back to normal...

I am a "stressed person"... My guitar teacher says I am too anxious. He says I should take up yoga! Perhaps he's hinting that I cannot make it. I am clumsy - I have no control over my fingers... Then I get the feeling I had over the past two years. Stress. For real. Stress which I can't feel, but it's ever present. Like a spell placed over me, I feel my breath quickening...

For stress, there are always underlying causes. I can identify internal factors such as "poor management of time, doing things at the last minute," and external factors "lack of support, bad luck..."

"erm... Yoga?"

...

Gollum: so for all the above, go ahead and hate me!

Smeagol: invest some confidence in me! I will try to change, as far as Smeagol is concerned...

No. I'm not depressed.

My blog - the instrument I carry with me on this dark lonely journey, through which I vent my frustrations each step of the way... :(

Well... Life! Here we are - the crossroads. I have to decide for myself, what I want in my life. Look, I can't believe my secondary education is over. Everything is so serious now. The future looks bleak. (I'm sorry - I'm a pessimist.) A step in the wrong/right direction would be all it takes. Trapdoors. "Strive for greatness or (you) we shall be crushed..." (Was it Stalin who said that?) We don't fool around with life here. We would die playing...

* * *

I watched all 3 episodes in the Hong Kong thriller movie, "Infernal Affairs" over CNY. I admit I'm greatly sickened by the amount of blood and violence. (More headshots.)

Quotes from the movie: "Ever shaken hands with a corpse?" "Everything will be fine after tomorrow." "I'm a cop." and "give me one more chance."

For some brief moments during the deaths of the main characters, they play music comparable to that of the Lord Of The Rings. Some of the horrifying moments were in the first episode, where the elevator doors kept 'gnawing' at the dead hero's legs, which were caught in between after he was murdered.

* * *

There's a shadow hanging over me.

Many friends have left/are leaving the country. Jonathan would be leaving for the States in June.

New (and old) relationships that lead to nowhere... Impasse, I guess... I hope we are still friends? Everyone finds me a bore these days. I am a Gollum, drove mad by the ring. Who still wants to be my friend? :(

My music preferences

(22/1)
I woke up early today, skipping school. Yeah. Then I slacked. Surfed the net to look up on Coldplay and Radiohead. There's a 'Radio 1' documentary, "The Ticking Of Clocks" about Coldplay @ IN MY PLACE in the official website.

A part of the interview as usual, goes on about how Coldplay have gained popularity in such a short time and blah blah... since Yellow... They played God Put A Smile Upon Your Face and audio clips from the live performances...

Sometimes I hate Linkin Park and Evanescence. Sheesh. Stop those freaking blaring guitars, crap lyrics and screaming! Hopefully Chester loses his voice one day. I'm so sick of the noise. I'm so proud that I love both Radiohead and Coldplay. If you want the 'kick'... go listen to Metallica, Master Of Puppets or Nirvana...

(19/1)
I listened to The Cranberries "Wake Up And Smell The Coffee" album on Sunday. It was just phenomenal. Dolores sings better than her Evanescence counterpart. There are many good songs on the album... "Never Grow Old", "Analyse", "Pretty Eyes", "Every Morning" just to name a few. Haha. I failed to mention that I like their music too. It was revisiting two years back at the end of Secondary Two, when there was worldwide turmoil. I thought, this is it...

Back then, I fed my ears on boybands and stuff. I spent a year listening to the radio actually. I did not like R&B, Craig David stuff... Westlife, a1 were the 'in' thing. Then I bought the u2 album "All That You Can't Leave Behind". I thought... Rock? Best album?

Well... I did pick up Linkin Park's Hybrid Theory later, I tried my best to listen to it. My parents were so unhappy with the noise...

Albums I will put away now and then, only to revisit them in the distant future. Haha? Yes, haha. (because I got stuck here.)

Happy Chinese New Year!!

Wish everyone a prosperous Year of the Monkey! Wish everyone live in excellent health... =)

Ho boy! Lazy to update my blog. :P

I've been reading the news...

Some news for health... (Sleep 'can increase brain power')

Some funny news... (Russian army rescues kegs of beer)

Advertisement: "If you drink, don't drive!"

Even elephants have their problems... (Drunken elephants die in accident)

A rainy afternoon.

I stopped by Kallang/Geylang river to admire the scenery this afternoon. Umbrella in hand, I was wondering, "what if I was an animal?" "Where would I be, out in the rain?" The need for food was always there... I saw a white bird - like a pelican, and a blue kingfisher, combing the muddy grey sands...

On the muddy sands by the Geylang river...
There I perch, with my feathers soaked in the cold rain.
I thrust my beak into the drainage water to taste it.
However bitter, salty, or full of human spit...

I taste fish!

I have spotted my prey, and however it tries to swim away...
It can never escape.
I shot a nervous glance at my rival nearby, another male of another species.
We would have to fight beak and claw over it.

I shrieked at him, "Go away!"
He said something similar, nowhere nicer,
and crept slyly nearer.
Argued we did, and so the fish escaped.

A Confused Person...

What? Homework settles on my table like dust particles on furniture in the morning... I don't feel like doing! I sneezed.

I miss my pals to hang out with (hey Siang Weng!! Wong Chyi!! And yeah... Jian Jun.)

Tired! I returned last night from the great celebration of 3 birthdays... Rachel, Jason and Pang How from my OG. I haven't been much of a prescence. I hardly spoke - don't know why! I must have been in one of those anti-social moods again... It's easy for me to say "what the hell am I doing here?" out aloud, though I would really hate myself for it. It's a joyous occasion - yet I could not bring myself to smile...

I sat at the narrow end of a rectangular table for ten people. I ended up talking to Charles and Joshua, half of the time. It was my first visit to Marche @ the Heeren. The Heeren is this shopping mall dominated by HMV. What's a Heeren? Hearing? Well. Outside, you see a lot of people sitting by the roadside smoking away. On entry, there's an escalator to take you to the second floor. Behind the escalator you would see a miniature foundtain of some sort. The toilets were insane! The taps and handwash dispenser were automated. I held out a hand and got soap, instead of water. The toilet design was really unique. The mall was full of artistic appeal to attract youths. There was MTV on television sets hanging from the ceiling.

I found myself taking Neoprints with the rest of them. It was definitely my first time doing such a thing. Yeah, I heard the girls have a whole collection. -_-"''

A narrative essay (one that wastes your time as well as mine).

To catch a runaway bus today, I RAN TO THE NEXT BUS-STOP... THE RED MAN TURNED GREEN, SO I hurried along, schoolbag, plastic bag, and all... THE GREEN MAN BLINKED BEFORE MY EYES as I got to the road junction. CARS turned in THIS WAY AND THAT - IN ANY WAY POSSIBLE, IT SEEMED. I HESITATED AS the RED MAN came on the SCENE. WHEN ALL WAS HOPELESS, IT JUST SEEMS AS IF I WOULD MISS THE BUS...

I VIOLATED the traffic regulations and JAY-WALKED ACROSS, fleeing like a bird. It was a wonderful feeling, and I felt IN CONTROL OF MY DESTINY for a MOMENT... HOWEVER, AT the same time I FELT a chill down my spine. I thought about seeing GHOST CARS WITH THEIR GHOST DRIVERS blowing down on the WIND AND NOISES, the BLARING HORNS CRUSHING DOWN on my eardrums relentlessly.

Many cars have come to pass as I took my last steps off the tarred road. What I have left is the noise behind, and THIS etched in my memory...

"DO NOT JAYWALK."

(To be continued...)


**Editor's note: I am considering these two fictional paragraphs that just add humor - spoil the atmosphere, I mean - in the story...**

* * *
My head screamed "GET OFF!"... but all I could do was to remain where I was. There. Right there in the middle of the road, trapped in time and... in control of my own destiny... I am the matador facing the charging bull... I am the matador facing the charging bull... Great. This must be how they feel. Heroes for all that bravura... Hey dude, where's my cape?

With a devilish grin, I held up my green plastic bag - imprinted on it "Four Leaves"... (full of bread for breakfast) and awaited a certain death. The crowd surged in excitement... The pedestrains and drivers swiveled their heads to look...

* * *

I continued running on the pavement towards the bus stop. It was still there waiting for me. Then there was this accursed metal chain strung between two posts making accessibility difficult for me. I considered. I tried to clear the hurdle with one... leap...

I flew! I was such a comical sight, I would have laughed my head off if I saw myself! The ground came close as I fell forward. Thoughts ran through my head - you know, like "oh no, I fell down."

I found myself on all fours. Dazed, I picked up the bag containing bread. Thankfully, the food was still inside. I was not bleeding, but my hands were red from the fall. I scrambled to my feet and ran to the bus-stop... In the end, I caught it - the driver opened up the door again, for me. I sat in the back of the bus to catch my breath and checked for injuries from the fall...

I could not clear the chain because my schoolbag weighed down on me! I should have walked around the obstacle... With hindsight, what I did was undoubtedly foolish... But from another point of view, if I did not try - how could I have known if I succeeded? Dreaded metal chain! Why did they have to install them there?

The past three days...

So full of life lately... :0 One thing that comes to my mind are the "anti-fatigue" tablets from Frank Herbert's "Dune"... I have spent the last 3 nights sleeping without aircon - because of some dumb mistake with fixing the household circuit... I have sprayed down 2 mosquitoes in the past 3 days... Yay!

Yesterday I met Shi Min and Xiao Xuan at a bus-stop near my old school. Yeah, I'm surprised too... haha. Didn't get anything for Shi Min's birthday, so I looked around desperately for help! Yikes.

It really made my day just to see the both of them again. However, I want to apologise for making such a hasty exit... because I was following Charles around, hunting for books. There don't seem to be any A-Level books in Katong News Agency... So we checked out Popular and MPH in Marine Parade. The books were out of stock. Later, Charles bought a small cactus plant (this chatty boy never fails to amaze me) and looked around for pet fish in the shops. I don't have a passion for fish - except for consumption - so we did not share the same sentiments towards fins and tails.

This morning, I woke up feeling lethargic at 6AM. The rest of the day... *yawn*

(The previous entry on Balloons... The actual song is 'Qi Qiu' by Peggy Hsu...)

hmm?

A lot of things I did today at the CCA recruitment drive...

I met 3 ex-classmates in school... Cynthia, Wee Zhun and Ivan...
Hmm. When I saw the Volleyball CCA, I was thinking about Cynthia, who loves the sport. At the same instant, she appeared, pretty as ever. I saw Wee Zhun in the concourse, sporting long hair... He was helping out in IT club. Ivan... think he helping out in Chinese Drama also...

"Absence makes the heart grow fonder..." *ahem* Well, I've been missing the people from choir - especially the ones I hang out with in the Genting trip. Shucks! I mean, I wish I could have got it recorded in my blog. What are memories but things we remember and forget, from time to time... Then we were discussing about it in a circle on the 'clean-swept' floor of the choir room.

*sigh* As I look around the school, with the sun shining down on my face, I see the green grass around the lake... Sunlight danced on the ripples in the murky waters... It was a pleasant morning... Clouds painted the sky... But I thought, this was no longer a place for me. I must admit - this place is like Rivendell... (The realm of Elrond and the elves, where Frodo wakes up in The Fellowship of the Ring) Millenia Institute is like... MORDOR. There was something quite magical about it today.

*One thing I would miss, is the $1.10 Pink Dolphin Drink sold in the school canteen... It sells for $1.50 in Mobil Petrol Station, and $1.15 in a discount at Shop N Save... I shall always head back to school to replenish my supply of pink dolphin. Like how easy can it get? :D (*UPDATE: Pink Dolpin sells around 90 cents at Carrefour)

Eating out is always expensive. I ate a $5.95 Zinger Meal in KFC for lunch, with friends in choir - of course. I had to sit with Rachel, Jia Min, Yi Tien and Wei Ting in one corner. l felt quite left out. The girls were talking about Wei Ting's friend... You couldthink of something to say, but before you opened your mouth, the topic takes an extraordinary leap! =D "So frustrating!"

(Background music: A Hard Day's Night. The Beatles.)

I have - no life.

My father gave Jon a ride home, and brought me to see the Chinese Physician in Bedok North. I was worse than ever, limping. This morning I was called a "cripple" by Charles... -_- Anyway... The chinese physician... Argh! Let's not talk about these painful matters...

The past two days I spent going to Westmall with the rest of my OG. What can I say about it... what can I say? It was fun going out in a column as usual. Hmm. Like in Genting... Westmall is really... dullsville. Chinese New Year brings out the $8.80 pineapple tarts of the profit-making giant Bengawan Solo... Chinese New Year music... Decorations, etc... Anyway there were gift shops here and there. The girls went inside and hugged all the soft toys. They left without buying anything, as anticipated...

Where pain meets trouble.

Twisted an ankle today. Fell while playing soccer. HAIX. WHY I SO SUAY? Hahaha... I had to limp around and everyone kept asking me what happened. I think I got a new reference, "the injured guy"... Listened to more Norah today... as for the past few days.

Getting More and More Tired Everyday...

I've got to learn to prioritise. Really. My life is so full of activities lately, I hardly have time to breathe...

Things to do on my mind include:
1. Updating this Blog.
2. Learning Guitar.
3. Read Books on Loan (ENGLISH).
4. Read Books on Loan (CHINESE).
5. Chatting w/ Friends.
6. Studying.
7. Listening to Music.

Now, prioritise... somehow...

I bought the Norah Jones Album on Saturday (after my third guitar lesson). Hmm... My views on it? It's totally awesome! I really like "Don't Know Why". Jazz - one word comes to my mind. Ahh... But really, the album is so soothing... I like "Lonestar" and "Nightingale" too.

The lyrics to "Don't Know Why" are in my head. The whole song, I think, relates to confusion over love, as known as 'love-sickness'. Especially the chorus: "My heart is drenched in wine... You'll be on my mind, forever." It means, my heart is drunk... and I've been thinking about you... "Catching tear drops in my hand," is another wonderful line... It shows - I can't control my feelings for you... to the extent that I weep.

The song opens to the acoustic guitar... and then the lovely piano. Hmm. I'm reminded of Coldplay's "Green Eyes" and "We Never Change". But they don't compare to this song. Yeah. I like them both too.

I don't know - don't know why I wrote all that...

The Beatles - Across The Universe.

This is the background music. Haha. I know... It sounds wonderful! I would be doing injustice not to introduce the song. The song information is here.

I also got the lyrics from the website above. Haha. I reorganised it.

~ Across The Universe. The Beatles, Let It Be. ~

(Verse #1)
Words are flowing out, like endless rain into a paper cup...
They slither while they pass - they slip away, across the universe...
Pools of sorrow, waves of joy are drifting through my open mind,
possessing and caressing me...

(Chorus)
Jai guru deva om...
Nothing's gonna change my world...
Nothing's gonna change my world...
Nothing's gonna change my world...
Nothing's gonna change my world...

(Verse #2)
Images of broken light, which shines around me like a million eyes...
They call me on and on, across the universe...
Thoughts meander like a restless wind inside a letter box...
They tumble blindly as they make their way across the universe... (Goto Chorus)

(Verse #3)
Sounds of laughter, shades of joy...
Are ringing through my open ears, inciting and inviting me...
Limitless undying love, which shines around me like a million suns...
It calls me on and on, across the universe... (Goto Chorus)

Jai guru deva... (x4)

Beautiful isn't it? Sometimes I feel spacy. Just like the "Flying Through Space" Screensaver. The lyrics are especially beautiful - think imagery. The theme is love, I guess - it is especially obvious in the fourth verse. Just like Lennon, who wrote "Imagine" also. The recorded version... hasn't a good feel as the midi... I find it, a bit rough. The - snares? - suddenly sound in the chorus, "... nothing's gonna change my world..." allowing it to climax over the previous melodies, with the statement repeated 4 times over.

Balloons - Lofty thoughts.

Just wanted to share a beautiful moment today... Today, in the late morning, my parents and I went to Yu Neng Primary School to play badminton. I saw my sporty young cousin - YONG!!

We played soccer in the field with two even younger cousins. I was enthralled when Yong started to sing the Mandarin song, "Balloon(s)". Even though he sang like - *ahem* - I caught on the tune, and the original female singer was singing in my head...

The sun was shining at a moderate intensity... The sky was clear blue, with the clouds few and far between. Far across the field was a road, and then a block of residential flats, with sun shining in on the hanged laundry... Yong kicked the ball in the air. For a moment - I thought that it hovered in mid-air, never wanting to come down. Just like the song. So lofty.

So, I think about balloons... balloons released in a SYF Opening Ceremony I participated in two years ago. Above the piano accompaniment, the singer's voice roamed freely. I dunno what the words are. But I remember seeing those balloons soar from the stadium, letting go of all bonds with the earth, and they will never come back. Where do they go? On a windy day - do they get blown out into the sea? Do they travel miles to some foreign country? Who knows, also, what kites see...? But lets not digress... I always have this fear, as a little child, grasping tightly to the balloon. In a nervous moment, any child would let go of the thread connecting the balloon, and look up to see it vanishing into the skies...

Where do they go?

I saw the 3 boys playing happily together.

Just like an MTV...

I try to shrug off my childish thoughts.

Second Day at you-know-where.

I stink to the depths now. Drinking milo-freeze, I have just returned from my second day of orientation.

I came to school early at 7.10AM today - by car, of course. I walked around, knowing nobody. I was hungry, and wandered about the canteen like a poor dog, sniffing for food. Suddenly, I glimpsed a student queueing up for Fried Noodles and I wagged my tail excitedly. Hmm... Fried Noodles, Fried Egg and Fried Seaweed Chicken... That was the only viable option.

After breakfast, I met up with Zhiwei and Jon. Zhiwei is this guy from Chua Chu Kang Sec. His green uniform is of the same colour as the MI uniform. He was the first person I talked to yesterday, as I sat in the back of the hall. Well, and the other people in my group are... Chruki, Jonathan, Terence, Yeo Yoong (Jason), Charles (Yong Zhen), Pang Hao, Yong Chen, Joshua, Abraham, Joyce, Rachel... Yikes! The names... many more... I keep forgetting, causing people to frown upon me.

Sis was there as usual, and so we met the OG teacher, Chelvam, in a classroom. We cleared the lockers and the teacher said we could help ourselves to the files and books. Unfortunately, some Year 2 or 3 students took them away...

Today... nothing eventful. There was a cultural dance, followed by basketball, eliminator and soccer. I only went in the soccer field in the last few minutes and fell down twice. -_-'' Yeah, I know - STOP LAUGHING!

Orientation Day.

I was late for school today... -_- HAHAHA... I took a taxi and the fee was $16.00 - by the way, it had travelled 22.9km! The journey took me 31 mins... I guess this was due to the careless usage of the expressways... haha... me and my wrong directions... from ECP to PIE to AYE! The uncle in the cab was unfamiliar with the route, and thus I was unable to respond to his queries... -_-'''''

I arrived in school around 8.20AM. I could finally enter the gates... It looks bigger inside. Haha... Prison camp! I was directed to the hall... where I found all the students seated. I asked around for Orientation Group 12 after searching for my name on the namelists.

After what seemed like forever, I sat down in the back and marked my attendance. I gazed around, searching for Jonathan - my only friend and school-mate in this place. A performance was put up by the student leaders... Which I thought was a bit *ahem!* "matured". Yeah... Some laughed while others stared in silence? I gave applause anyway. I mean it. I was also filling in the form for choosing subject combination. So I laughed at whatever I thought was funny.

It turned out that Jonathan had arrived in school early. He was seated right in front... We soon followed our OG Leader out of the hall, whom we discover is a very friendly and cheerful girl known as Sis. Yes, and everyone I met later on gave this place a glimmer of hope...

There was a long period of lecturing. The principal, Mrs Ong, extending a warm welcome (saying that there would be learning during these 3 mths)... Followed by the HODs, introducing their subject combinations with Arts, Science and Commerce...

Next on the list was the icebreaker... which is 'blow wind blow' and I was the only one who had taken the forfeit... yes, chicken dance and whatever... I tried my best to do so. But apparently, no one laughed. Sometimes I just wish I could disappear completely...

"That there, that's not me
I go where I please
I walk through walls
I float down the Liffey

I'm not here
This isn't happening
I'm not here, I'm not here..."

- How To Disappear Completely. Radiohead, Kid A.

Hmm... These songs make you feel down and out... haha! Anyway... Break Time followed for an hour. The canteen was so !@# small! The lights and fans overhead were being switched on and off continuosly, as if they ran on a DC supply. The food was satisfactory. I ate fish, fish and rice for $1.50. Yeah, of course Jonathan regretted choosing the Malay food. The break followed a briefing by the OG Teacher... The Indian teacher wasn't friendly though. His hair was missing in the middle.

The scavenger hunt followed, causing me to contribute a pair of shoelaces, a bottle of liquid paper and a school badge... I almost lost my school badge in the process. There was some sort of "clapping activity" going on, yeah.

The worse part of the day came when everyone gathered for a mass dance. Yeah... you know, with a girl? I hate to say it, but I suck at dancing. Perhaps I was too tensed up. Perhaps I was tired. I just didn't want to screw up. This was probably the fourth girl I danced with in my life. I dunno how? Are there any good dancing tips? Yes, no, yes? How about: "let go"? Jonathan and another guy said I looked stressed. Sure, the girl complained about my sweaty palms... as always, when I am nervous. BOOHOO... I feel like a loser...

Woah! Millenia Institute.

I went to recce the place today. After breakfast, my father drove me, my grandmother and my mother to plan tomorrow's morning's route. In the car, we set off at 9.46 AM... The plan was to drop off my brother at camp around seven, then return to pick up me and my mother. Next, my mother would arrive at Cantoment bldg (her workplace) and my father would proceed to pick up his friend somewhere... I would be the next to alight... at Toh Tuck Campus.

The journey to Toh Tuck Campus took 35 minutes in good traffic conditions. When we reached the institute, I had half a mind to cry out... It was so pathetic! It was even smaller than my primary school! Not to mention Chung Cheng - I think it's the size of the lake!

Well. Too late now. No turning back. I see two basketball courts and a small... soccer court? All of us would be Packt Like Sardines In A Crushed Tin Can...

The whole place was just like a prison camp! Oh! I think I just don't like it. What could be worse? I'm giving it a chance! Hopefully the people I meet there would be friendly. THAT'S my last hope...

Holla 2004!

Pretty soon... it'll be the lunar new year... YAY!!

Looking back, 2003 has been a year of confusion... SARS... War In Iraq... Violence between the Israelis and Palestinians... G Bush's "whose side are you on policy"... Moreover, there's an uneasy feeling about closing the chapter on newly awakened fears about BSE (Mad Cow Disease).

Ah... What am I thinking! It's not the end of the story anyway. The Singapore-American FTA starts today. American imports will now be 100% duty-free. More of these "pressing" things, I think now as they come along... GST hikes to 5%!! I think I should have gone shopping before 2004!