Arcangelo Corelli

CONCERTO GROSSO IN D, OP. 6/1 (3): LARGO
ORCH. OF THE AGE OF ENLIGHTENMENT CATHERINE MACKINTOSH (c)


*Love* - the sombre intensity of that baroque violin piece... Listening to Symphony 92.4 FM is like falling in love many times over. (-: <3 The violin weeps pure emotion.


and follow-up to it:


Louis Spohr

DOUBLE QRT NO. 3 IN E MINOR, OP. 87 (2) ACADEMY OF ST MARTIN- I(N THE FIELDS)

wasn't half-bad. Justsounded like a suitable complement to the violin in the previous..


It becomes increasingly difficult for me to escape the trappings of my mind... Yet as the mind wanders astray, it only revolves around me in an orbit.. Was it ever necessary for one's relationship with God to be one of everlasting worship?

Young Christians seem to be enforcing their own assumptions about God, whom in their idea, is ever-pleased with their weekly tributes of hour-long rock concerts... It's increasingly difficult to accept the shades of gray in which they see as the norm; and the different personalities around you threatening to recruit you as one of them. I would imagine myself, surrounded by a huge strawberry jelly syrup. Although sweet it may be, and nutritious, once you are swallowed inside - you become one of them, another collective in the Jelly.

I can't deny the openness of my heart only tinges with suspicion, when the pastor makes us repeat stuff in a collective (frightening) manner - but well, proves that we are a social group and none of us is alone. It makes me kind of freaked o ut sometimes, but I know that I'm not losing myself. Hence, now, supposedly in line with my objectives, I'll set forth from my nest again, knowing that when I feel weak, I could always immerse myself in the nurturing environment of church. It's practical, but selfish of me.


I'm reading Chp 3 of The Food Revolution -- on the environment.

The Lonely One*

*Taken from TIME magazine

Dag Hammarskjöld was a man almost nobody knew. His diary, Markings, published three years after his death (TIME, Oct. 23, 1964), surprised even his close associates, for it showed that the brilliant economist, banker, and Secretary-General of the U.N. was a mystical man, unfathomed during his lifetime, constantly tortured by self-doubt and despair.

Divided Opinion

An assimilation of information from 1) people offering their opinions, 2) interviews with friends.

People who tell me they don't believe - that's your problem! Now, don't try to sway my opinion.

I suppose, if I have a lot of friends that believe, I would tend to think I'm not alone. But thanks to YT, who says, "Don't follow the crowd, you'd know better than that...." (in referral to my regret at studying a Diploma in Biotechnology, because the Minister recommended it) And I relate it to the pastor who mentioned the whispers in the crowd, that were driven from the amazement of Jesus' miracles. The question is, whether YT is part of the crowd, that I choose not to listen to. Perhaps my brother and those advising me to consider carefully taking up Christianity as my religion are the whispers in the crowd.

YT, it's almost unnatural, but sometimes, I wonder if I feel a rush of love for what you are doing for me. No matter how remote or minute your actions are, I am at least 50% under your influence. And you can say I trust you, not merely because we're friends, but because what you've revealed to me recently regarding saving our planet and environment - makes a whole lot of sense to me - and I feel it's only right for us, as stewards, to contribute not to the destruction of our planet, but provide upkeep, and promote the awareness of the state of our planet.

Not just YT though. My friend's mom, she's advising me on her multi-religious Buddhist cocktail spanning the prophets of various religions - i.e. Jesus Christ, Prophet Mohammed, Siddharta Bodhivista (that Buddha guy), Confucious, Mother Guan Yin - all being messengers of the same God. And hence there is still only one GOD, and Unright of Christians to claim God - or the biblical scriptures, fragments of God's word - for themself. And she's taught me several aspects of being vegetarian. That we can expect a more peaceful death in the coming. That the prayers you devote yourself in worship, are not needed, and do little, by being vaguely mystical, too mysterious.


A Vandread philosophy brought out the thought that: God doesn't want anything of us, we've been created by God because he loves us, not for us to make sacrifices in the form of offerings. I reflected in reality: "not for us to devote too much time to worship him. But to spend time to bear fruit."

***

The culture of Youth Impact - Youth for Christ - is sporting and fun. I've just been called to attend one of their activities, that might last 8 hours. Now, Come to think of someone who's just taking their break from a mounting week. I am seeking some time for solace. I can't do this. Right now, I just want to say, I can't do this. Succumb to peer pressure, I may, this time. I'm just hoping that someone who cares is listening. If God won't listen, if Jesus Christ won't listen, I hope someone does.

7 days on duty, putting my duty @ first priority, taking in criticism and scathing criticism - I'm sick and tired of doing what I have to do. I need some quality me time.

I want to absorb the good qualities of others, and banish my vices. And that's maybe why I go to church.

Questions

A general restlessness stirs me every now and then.

Could this be it - ?

1. Getting involved in Christianity (serving a greater cause, and securing a way to heaven)?

Humbling myself to the higher order, acknowledging the presence of a Creator; and dropping all my egos and pretenses in front of others; my arrogance... as a mere man... destined for... worship. I wish I could... but I can't do it. I'm too arrogant to humble myself. It makes me vulnerable and insecure.

And if you are turning away from Church, means you are turning away from God? And away from God you go, to the Clutches of Satan? God wants you to make a choice, but it seems like a rhetoric, if the God's word in Christianity is the only accepted one as truth. I do not wish to believe that Buddhists, Catholics, Hindus, Moslems, Taoists are under the influence of Satan. It's part of the convenant made with God to see the world in his word.

"There shall be no other Gods before you"

I admit my reasons for going to Church are inclusive of secondary ones, like forging friendships or social connections, ridding the loneliness that gnaws in the empty spaces of the mind.

Somehow though, reading the bible has such lasting effect, it makes me ponder aloud in my mind, seeming as if God was really talking to me : "Oh ye, of little faith..." Yet I wish it wouldn't be so artificial sometimes, I wish I didn't analyse things and say.. oh, you know, that's because you've read it, and it triggered a response of thought that goes along those lines.. I wish God would prove himself to me and show me the right way, rather than subject me to the trial of choosing among religions. This overzealous worship, I feel sometimes, might be exactly what it is. I am filled with doubt during service - does all worship and prayers make one wholesome enough to adopt an insulation attitude towards one's work? I wish they would just cut down on the worship, cause I don't believe God is an Emperor, who fills heaven with riches, and enjoys hearing the worship session while people and animals on earth Are Suffering. and look we're just doing nothing-but-singing in the meantime and pouring our minds into prayers... In my current level of faith, I'm not convinced.

James, you said that the process to becoming a Christian was a gradual transformation. I agree, I've actually changed parts of my thinking because of God's word. However, I find it hard to agree with some of the things that Christians do. It might not be a lifetime relationship of Church visits for me.


2. Getting involved in being Vegetarian (and join the Buddha group)?

3. Applying for a Diploma in Mass Communication (dreams to be one of the writers for our daily newspaper)?

4. Sticking by my Acapella group through thick and thin (dreaming of glamour, rather than creating cool, heartfelt music?)

5. Forgetting about tinkering with musical instruments?

6. Buying the correct DVD... and making all the other choices.. Dear me.