maybe I shouldn't read the Murakami novels. The content explored in these novels are, though heartfelt, far too frivolous. It's just like reading Maxim.

Have you ever wondered if you were ready for death?

It's not a case of suicidal thoughts, but the stream of events playing into your consciousness seem far too smooth to be real. It's too predictable... this life here in Singapore. We're viable bacteria growing at the centre of the colony, far too sheltered from external influences in the culture medium. But if the world ends, our single-cell biological system will be plunged into chaos first...

Damn. A single thought gives rise to a rapid succession of thoughts. You can sense the disorientation in my analogies.

I am going to need some good reading material and I need to stick to my goals. Out.

Traumatised

Really traumatised just now. Me, James and Khong Guan, were walking to the Bus-stop along Bukit Timah Road, gazing at the monkeys.

"Look, monkeys!" I can't remembered who said that.

"Oh how cute" -- Yeah, I'm a guy who says such things. Really, they looked amiable.

The grey brown creatures were playing on the greeny slope on the side of the road. As we passed by, they stopped to gaze at us, and us at them. Khong Guan took out his camera handphone.

"Damn, can't take a good shot... can't focus..."

"Don't take pictures of them! Last time one of 'em was on the railing... chased me and almost clawed me." said James.

Two young girls of secondary school age were walking towards us from the opposite direction. One of them was taking pictures of the monkey ahead with a black camera handphone.

Khong Guan carries on taking pictures, while we stood there and eyeballed the monkey of interest.

"I wish I could take video..."

We walked over to the next monkey, while the girls had just passed behind us. The monkey sat there sitting on the slope, behind a small broken branch, facing us. Another monkey ahead of us made a sudden movement that grabbed our attention. With a few bounds, it leapt swiftly over to the sitting monkey, turned him/her around, stood up, and grabbed the first monkey's ass to reveal a pink strip of flesh, and started a movement that seemed like he was thrusting energetically into the monkey's backside.

This continued over a few seconds, as we gaped in shock. The monkey stopped as sudden as he started, and turned around to look at us. I was observing in distaste. It had completely dissolved the cuteness in monkey appreciation, and completely ruined my impression of the monkeys.

"Ee... Look what the monkey is doing.."

I looked back the path we had travelled from to see the two girls observing the monkeys now, with curious interest. I think I had urged the others to walked on. It was barbaric, and absolutely disgusting..

"See, ZH, they are not as pure and innocent as you think they are. That monkey was smiling as he did it" James chuckled. James was telling me that the first monkey is a male.

Omg.. it's so R21... I thought.

Horny monkeys. Gay horny monkeys... *shudder*

Genesis?

how did the universe began?

Science pin-points it to the big bang, ultimately, which began time in the universe. From what I understand, a rapid expansion, from which shot out the worlds that would become. Then physics explains, there were stars that burned the fuel of creation. There was gravity, which might have played a role in the process. And the stars burned to breathe life to the dancing matter in space.

An even more abstract - In the beginning, there was light. And certainly nothing further we need to know, or question? We'll take a break for commercial dialogue...


A: Hallo Bravo! Good day to you. How do you do?
B: ... Good day to you, Alpha. Rise and shine, the weather is fine...

A: ... (at loss for words)
B: ...

A: Say what do you think of the TV programme just now?
B: ... Well, it was interesting. (scowl) It talked about the creation of the universe...

A: I like totally agree with the scientific explanation dude. Stephen Hawking, that guy, had it all explained in a documentary, about the nature of the big bang, you know - it's a grand shebang in science? Haha!
B: ... Yeah, that's quite true.. But I beg to differ...

A: Why? Let's hear your thoughts.
B: ... From what I know, God created the world in six days and rested on the seventh day...

A: ... (frowns and raises questioning eyebrow)
B: ... Yeah

A: ... (hesitates, and begins slowly) God said in the beginning there was light.
B: Uh-huh.

A: ... Well, I don't think that is the case. For in the beginning, there was probably darkness, before the stars came out!
B: ... (snorts) You are making an assumption of somebody turning on the room light switch while you're resting in bed in the middle of the night. That is a wholly human assumption. This is the universe we are talking about here.

A: ... Okay, okay! Then how can you be certain what darkness is if there wasn't light in the first place?
B: ... Maybe there has always been light in the universe, as far as anyone can tell.

A: ... If there wasn't light, there wouldn't be darkness.
B: ... but the converse is not true.

B: I tell you, the big-bang is way overrated.. What of the big-bang? Many compressed particles simply drifted and suddenly charge towards each other head on, with extreme impunity. Kamikaze! and BOOM!...

A: ...
B: ... Ah... my point is what gave rise to the Big-bang? There has to be a director behind this epic movie.

A: ... We refer to him as the Creator.
B: Aye, the Lord God, Kami! The creator. The Lord God made them all.

A: All creatures great and small... (completes)
B: ....

B: Hmm... The moment we come to this world, we are borned into light. The light of the sun. It says of our world, but not of the universe.
A: I'm not sure. What are the chances?

B: (frowns) In the beginning..
A: ... there was light... (finishes)

A: ... because there wasn't a need in the bible to give a damn about darkness.
B: ... Really?

A: ... Yeah, probably. God doesn't need to let us know all of his intricate thoughts, or we'll be so disturbed, we'll stray from the path and purpose he originally intended for us, for our lives.
B: ... So that is why people are so troubled when we play with our human genes...

A: ... No, that's not true. God intended to make them play with genes... We are smart, in God's image. Maybe he wanted us to become responsible and mature enough, and that it would mean no harm to his plans.
B: ... And we're just subjected to the fates and destinies of the Almighty, huh?

A: ... Yeah. Big-Big Brother is watching.
B: ...


I've gotta read Sophie's world again and find the answer to that question. It's slipping away from my memory. And sad thing is, things are preventing me from being 100% good at studying. Oh.. I want to taste the fruit of knowledge.

Afutadaku

This morning, Shir0i informed me about the prospect of receiving notice, the outcome of my application into two of Singapore's major Universities. Yes, after two months of wait, or 5 duty cycles, I was finally going to know what the hell was I destined for, or where I might be going after my mediocre stint in National Service. I have little optimism regarding the outcome - I can't tell you right now.

I just feel damn old now, because I realise, I'm turning twenty-one this year. It's just so traumatic I need to join a social support group. =(

Throughout my 7 days of isolation into a particular society of males (no complaint about them), I expressed a dire need to stay in touch with my inner soul, and my life's goals. Thanks to YT, I am actively in pursuit of my own well-being. I am learning how to prepare good chicken soup by working hard and being good to myself. If there was ever such a proverb. I believe I'm slowly being led to my destiny. =)

I swear I am still hearing and singing J.S. Bach's "Nunn komm der Heidan Heilandt" in my head, or in the shower. A tune I downloaded from choir 3 years ago, as a result of over-practising. I sort of do it to impress friends, that I'm a dramatic choir boy. So now I ask my choir director... Reuben.. what have you done to me??? =_="""

my bike - or my brother's bike - is now a speed monster. The gear shifter has been changed to quality cable from the low quality cable that came with it. I received some tips from the bike repair mechanic in Song Seng Choon with gear-changing. The tyres have been pumped full after the mechanic found the tyres to be soft.

I read that Singapore has ambitions to become a academic melting-pot. I scowled at the offending article on a page in TODAY. Sg - IS - a melting pot, thanks to the pressure put on by the hungry Chinese students. But I guess this is universal in Asia, after accessing sources (Jigoku Shoujo [anime] and After Dark by Murakami) that indicate life in Japan is similar, with obsessions with grades.. and etc.

I'll end this post prematurely because I'm heading off to claim my pair of spectacles for another seven days of camping. Alright. Drop the angsty show already. >_<

* * *

After Dark is a novel by Haruhi Murakami, translated from Japanese by Jay Rubin. The novel describes the lives of a city's inhabitants after the night falls. A Varsity school-girl Mari, faces problems of her own and decides to stay out for the night. She meets the musician Takahashi, and they both ensue in dialogue, culminating in a series of events so that their problems are solved. This is really the abstract. Murakami works his magic with prose, by describing the problem through the surrealistic cum eerie view of, say a camera lens, and our reflections trapped behind the mirror. It is still full of mystery and wonder, when we revisit the book. Just don't think of RINGU beforehand.. Memories from that unrelated movie sends serious chills down my spine.

(something)-youbi

I cooked up a convoluted story, inspired by a certain language (I'm not mocking The Bible's Genesis).


月曜日

On Monday..

a pale Moon hung over the evening sky

shining a path for Man in the wilderness.


火曜日

On Tuesday..

Man discovered Fire

and inevitably burns himself in the process.


水曜日

On Wednesday..

Man bathed in Water

to treat his burns and refresh himself.


木曜日

On Thursday..

Man collected Wood

to keep himself safe and warm.


金曜日

On Friday..

Man discovered a piece of Gold...

for which he used for designing his tools.

...

man discovered a piece of Gold...

...

... And so came the famous phrase in which we always say,

"TGIF"! (which meaning: Take Gold If Found)


土曜日

On Saturday..

Man diligently tilled the Soil,

and planted crops for harvest next season.


日曜日

On Sunday..

Man took a rest from the sweltering Sun,

and devises a fermentation process for the rice wine, known as sake.



I ran out of ideas. hahaha

You know the Folk Song, Monday's child..

Monday's child is fair of face
tue's is full of grace
wed's is full of woe
thu's has far to go
fri's is loving and giving
sat's works hard for his living
sun's is bony and blithe, and good and gay (in other words, homosexual)


- and interruption!! -

TCHAIKOVSKY'S - SUITE NO. 4 IN G, OP. 61 'MOZARTIANA'- THE USSR ACADEMIC SYMPHONY ORCHESTRA - YEVGENY SVETLANOV (Conductor)

Wtf.. I'm hearing Mozart's "Ave Verum Corpus" on this piece? It's refreshing! It rocks my world! What exactly is going on here?

Bicycle. Pandas. Bacon, and Big Sis'

I've got to get my parents to stop bothering me about my "bicycling adventures".

It's only an occasional bike ride I get once in two weeks!


And this lil' panda ate his way into my subconciousness. I know - it was Jonathan Soh, who always coveted the hello pandas when we hit the canteen. I'm not sure how's he doing now anyway.



you know, it kinda reminds you not to stay up late.


It's my fortune, to have a friend (YT) who's willing to spur me on, check whether I've done my homework, and how I'm getting on in life. I am really thankful, for the sincere reminders you give. Thanks to you (and your father), I have greater motivation to read up and further my knowledge.

"Reading maketh a full man, conference a ready man, and writing an exact man."

A just quote by Sir Francis Bacon.

Seeing old friends

I booked out... Attended Kai Ling's birthday party yesterday, at Costa Sands Resort (Pasir Ris). It was more of a party sponsored by her workplace, than a personal one. I met with polymates, Devi and Jing Shya there.

JS has grown beautiful. A mature, fashionable lady. Undoubtedly, my mouth gaped wide-open in surprise, as the first sight of her blew me away. It had been a long time since I've seen her. After the months of my lonely male-dominated NS life (and a year yet to come), I have never seen anyone that has taken me outright, by surprise. She looked different, I reasoned, because she traded her spectacles for contact lenses that evening, and she was wearing fashionable clothes. Not the plain jeans and tee that I've often seen her in the lecture hall. I proceeded to cover up my emotions and converse with her normally. Meanwhile, Devi is now studying IT in general, at PBMS Academy (University of Newcastle). I believe she hasn't changed much.


I can't believe I am still thinking about it. It's probably the effects setting in, of a hapless male-dominated, "motherless-sisterless" miserable seven days in camp. It's difficult for me to accept the concept of a caring male (other than the Medic, of course).

Getting along with fellow males is a problem. Sometimes, they seem too silly, prankish, or terribly childish. Guys can turn vain or "gay-like" to attract the attention of fellow males. Luckily, I get to book out and see my female friends once in a while. Guys can be so condescending towards each other. The girls I associate with, have a patience and attention-span threefold to that of guys I know.


No, no. There's no substitute for the care and concern shown by a female. And I mean it. No FHM magazine, MAXIM, etc.. can substitute genuine care in this world. *Tosses the magazines away* And they certainly can't substitute good literature. And realising that is attaining enlightenment.


JS has been working for 11 months at SGH as a lab technician, part of a two-year contract. The way she speaks, and the way she carries herself, has become well.. professional. Which makes me wonder how I will be able to carry off myself, 21 this year. Time to shed the boyish grin, the angst, and pick up the helm of confidence, of responsibility, the air of self-assuredness.. and ah.. etcetera. It's not meaning to say that I feel like going after JS. I was just musing on a little fantasy (like Hachiko does in NANA) After what mom said, something like, don't be a silly boy and should leave it all to fate. I won't be going after anyone. I guess I should just play the cards I have, and don't risk getting busted (sum of cards above 21).

Hey. why's there the 21 connection? It just came out of nowhere. Well I'll be damned.

a piece of scrap

Weakness is that
I'm
Unfocused
leaving
things
off
unfinished.

Need
to
set
clear
realistic
goals
and move towards
accomplishing them.