I remember

The first time the world elucidated proof of her existence to me, was in the Summer of 2004. During that time I had enrolled and accepted a course in Temasek Polytechnic after graduation from Secondary School. In the months before my polytechnic education began, I was engaged in weekly choir practices with the Colibri Chamber Choir.

I remember going to places like the top level foodcourt of Amara Hotel, and meeting with great, fun-loving choristers like April, Nicole, Suat Huang, Albert, June, Reuben and Karen, and Roger. We've also been to places like Roger's condo @ Tanjong Pagar, Yoshioko's place, and Reuben's home at Bukit Timah. (All right, I've also been to Nelson's home at Tanah Merah before, when I was in TVC, but it doesn't matter here). I kind of miss the 'sisterhood' of those days. 'April-talk' or girls giving harmless but interesting gossip at lunch, which sometimes threatened to pollute my mind (but it sounds silly really); it makes me wanna laugh along with them.

My point is, it was that sunny afternoon after vocalising at Reuben's place. Albert caught hold of the news that I was going to study in TP. I sort of expressed to him, my interest in knowing what was the group, TP Choir like, and whether it would be worthwhile to spend my time on it as a CCA. My chosen alternative was to take up a sport, like trying out for soccer. Somehow, he sort of persuaded me by saying that you know, "what's so fun about running around the field the whole day, getting tired at the end of the day?" Which made me stop short of my decision. So I thought I'd give it a shot and see what kind of choir he runs in TP. Purely "a matter of convenience", since I know Albert. I was complaining I don't know anyone else.. And then comes along SH saying "I've got a friend in TP who's interested in joining TP Choir." Then, that was the first moment an unknown had emerged in my memories.

A week later after school started, SH came around to TP in her TPJC Uniform around 5.30pm. She was grinning, happy to see me in a school full of staring strangers. I continually teased her for wearing the uniform, being in the wrong school. It was around that time that I first met with her friend - I can't remember - our first encounter was never that vivid in my memory. I'm confused over whether she wore contact lenses or spectacles.

This fragment simply slipped into my consciousness, just now. It's one of my concerns that get the better of me. It always come back to the question, whether our chance meeting changed my life for the better or worse. I don't want to think about it - 'how it changed..' me either, it goes both ways. It makes me more experienced in working with people. You know honestly, I can't move you at all. I'm unworthy.

Bare Necessities

I GOT THE ANSWER ==> WHAT I WANT TO DO AFTER NS.

bored musings

John Legend - Sun Comes Up

Well, I posted this one because YT recommended it. I still prefer the Young Folks below by Peter Bjorn and John. It's very catchy.

==

I stayed at home. It was raining. I finished 'Arry Potter Deathly Hallows today, after months of reading. In fact I think I started reading it a bit in June, after I enlisted. Cripe.

I always thought of the Harry Potter series as humour. The elements of slapstick are in it, with Fred & George's bags of tricks, and antics. The names Rowling give for its creatures, characters, are somewhat clever and unique, as they have already sunken roles into the characters themselves. Dumble the humble. V is for Villian. I am not so fond of the name Potter however (a flower pot is the first thing that comes to mind).

In the last book, I find that she makes her quarrelsome characters collide with each other too often. There is too much soap opera, and crying, it makes the book somewhat unbearable for a guy like me to look at. The Chapter at the King's Cross station however, was cool, it was so unexpected, so 'Matrix-revolutions'-like. It still sends a chill down my spine when I read it, about talking to the dead, and being caught in limbo. Time magazine had reported that Rowling had the series planned in its resemblance to political & social content in Thatcher's Britain, Dumbledore & gay themes, discrimination, etcetera. But if it is true, I'm happy I don't see it, I still see it as an adventure. A very long one, in fact.

=
i wish i wasn't so childish.
i'm 20 years old now. where's my ambition, levelheaded-ness and drive for success?
Geesh. (Failed in self-examination)
=

i did a bit of stock-taking, and still pondering what I want in the future. Those digging questions from the new people I meet, "Say, where are you going after NS? ... Two years isn't a very long time, you know?" cause me severe inflammatory reactions. My pimples are breaking out all over again.

I'm reading "Hallucinating Foccault". Seriously, the Gay theme is overblown in this novel. There are many theories that might work for or against homosexuals in their right to breathe. They are a disturbed people, who have developed the wrong sexual habits. I just feel that such people should not be discriminated against. Society should show greater concern, or symphathize with them (e.g. recommend counseling).
Yeah, I'm idealistic. I'm all for recycling, reduce and reuse too.


==

Have you ever felt that you have many things to say to someone. Yet in reality, at the dinner table, you couldn't never say nothing?

" NO - NOTHING = SOMETHING " , Therefore:
"- no - no - nothing = no SOMETHING = Nothing"

Have you ever felt that time is precious, every second you spend with her is worth more than the riches in this world - gold, diamond, and what other elemental stones, material possessions that the ignorant rabble seek to invest in?

Have you ever felt the air intensify in your lungs when you enter the room and she's there? experience a quiet form of elation?

Have you ever felt that feeling when she comes online on msn, say, "Yes, I've got to talk to her" So, catch up you know, you read what her personal message says.

==

I keep myself entertained easily. STOP THINKING. YOU'RE WASTING TIME. BACK TO READING YOUR TIME MAGAZINES AND DO SOMETHING USEFUL !!! THIS IS YOUR BOSS, LEONARD LIPOVICH.

Man, I miss his tone in those business-like emails. And maybe I miss working with Americans.

RECORD BROKEN!
I can do 11 Chin-Ups today, after downing 500mL NTUC Hi-Cal Milk.
If only I can jump as far..

I'm thinking of trying out the National Park Connectors. hmm. I must get a bicycle.

Peter Bjorn & John

I like his Lennon-like voice.

= Peter Bjorn & John =

if i told you things i did before
told you how i used to be
would you go along with someone like me
if you knew my story word for word
had all of my history
would you go along with someone like me

i did before and had my share
it didn't lead nowhere
i would go along with someone like you
it doesn't matter what you did
who you were hanging with
we could stick around and see this night through

and we don't care about the young folks
talkin' bout the young style
and we don't care about the old folks
talkin' 'bout the old style too
and we don't care about our own folks
talkin' 'bout our own stuff
all we care about is talking
talking only me and you

usually when things has gone this far
people tend to disappear
no one would surprise me unless you do

i can tell there's something goin' on
hours seem to disappear
everyone is leaving i'm still with you

it doesn't matter what we do
where we are going to
we can stick around and see this night through

and we don't care about the young folks
talkin' bout the young style
and we don't care about the old folks
talkin' 'bout the old style too
and we don't care about our own folks
talkin' 'bout our own stuff
all we care about is talking
talking only me and you

and we don't care about the young folks
talkin' bout the young style
and we don't care about the old folks
talkin' 'bout the old style too
and we don't care about our own folks
talkin' 'bout our own stuff
all we care about is talking
talking only me and you
(repeat)
talking only me and you

talking only me and you
talking only me and you

==

No matter how hard you try, some people
will NOT like you half as much as you like
them. You wonder if it's your own fault, you know
what you did, what you did not, who you are.
But it's not. It's an acceptance problem.

Then you start digging at your own esteem,
reproach yourself for the things you do,
the impressions you leave, the shortcomings,
groping in the dark for the solution,
but then it complicates things further.

No use changing the way you are.
This is my angst.

One day I'll be somebody.

Story of Stuff

I M P O R T A N T ! ! !
www.storyofstuff.com

Every inhabitant on Earth should know ! >o.O<

Quando power 3

Overheard 987FM deejays on the airwaves,
going on the topic, "relationships start during the holidays. True or false..? Pls sms your views in to 699-..."

One of the theories:
"End of the year is the time for people to stock-take on their life for the past year(s). And usually, people are lonelier and have more time to contemplate their emotions. Thus, they drop down their defenses and become more emotionally available for starting relationships."

Interesting phenomenon I can observe in people other than myself.. Something like "love is in the air"? They also said it's the season for job-hunting, as job-holders resign after getting their year-end bonus... "It is with great reluctance that I, NRIC, plan to step down from my position"... etc

Despicable.

as if I didn't have enough of schoolyard bullies, I face difficult co-sea-soldiers.

First was the best trainee in Sea Soldier Course. Extremely sensitive to touch, and selfish bastard sometimes, he can take the people around him for granted. Take for example, he can deliberately pour dust on my bed after sweeping the floor (because he was unhappy about me climbing on 'his' bed in order to clean his bedframe). And he frequently places his soiled uniform on my bed. And you claim you are the best trainee? Your wicked deed is done, and who shall forgive you if you sin, or when you go against your conscience? Unrepentant and unapologetic. Do you practise what you preach?

Why did I bring this up? Nevermind him. Today I was very upset that two of my peers resorted to schoolyard pranks and gangsterism. I was happily sitting down in my seat on the bus, minding my own business (tired, trying to sleep) when (I) the person behind, PTE L P pulled my hair - I ignored. Next, came the (II) candy wrapper on my hair, then I glared back. I changed my seat. (III) Pain [administered by PTE J L] - Knock on the head. Another bastard behind me. (IV)Go 2 seats toward the front - Knock on the head. F- IT JUST LEAVE ME ALONE. In this mode, I was gaining heat fast - why are they knocking my head? Those bored f***s.

Being bullied is a sign of weakness. Rage registered in my head. I wanted to bash them up, SO BAD! I confronted them. I don't give a damn if I'm in uniform. And it took me a while to come to my senses - I pulled back due to the shouting of my friends. I stared down at Lei Peng, that MOFO SOB, unrepentant, stared straight back at me. Seriously, when you're mad, you're mad. I've become like him, the aggressive monster I detested so much.

Mockery, plus cowardly actions they displayed today, by throttling on my bedsheets the moment I turn around, making them dirty. Nevermind. What goes around comes around~ goes around comes around~ goes around comes around~ goes around comes around~ What goes around comes around~ What goes around comes around~ goes around comes around~goes around comes around~.. For now, I have to conjure my revenge in my imagination. Of course, I will settle my score if they get too far. Unapologetic, unrepentant, they remain - despicable mofos. However, God is dead in this world, Thus, peer support is in favour of Nazis, not Jews. Some people prefer to remain neutral. Now I understand how Feng He felt. This is a battle of Good and Evil, in the simplest degree. What goes around comes around~ you stinking MOFOS.. What's so bad about Feng He, anyway? He's better than you. I WISH FENG HE, WILL KICK YOUR ASS SOMEDAY, SO BAD - YOU'LL BE DOWN ON YOUR KNEES, GROVELLING AND BEGGING FOR FORGIVENESS... SAME GOES FOR ALL OF YOU MOFOS WHO HAVE GROSSLY UNDERVALUED FENG HE'S CONTRIBUTIONS TO OUR WEEKS OF TRAINING.. ASSHOLES!! END.

It makes me lose faith in people sometimes. The only thing necessary for the triumph of evil is for good men to do nothing. (Edmund Burke) Dark side of man is omnipresent.. In a world without god. I wish god were alive, the miracles of old performed once again, and the angels bring forth peace and goodwill on earth.

==

I saw it in the MONSTER anime.I seek comfort from this passage in the bible. I have to exorcise the demons I face, the hideous beast within and without, who takes up various forms and disguises.

And the dragon stood on the sand of the seashore.
Then I saw a beast coming up out of the sea,
having ten horns and seven heads,
and on his horns were ten diadems,
and on his heads were blasphemous names.

And the beast which I saw was like a leopard,
and his feet were like those of a bear,
and his mouth like the mouth of a lion.
And the dragon gave him his power and his throne and great authority.

I saw one of his heads as if it had been slain,
and his fatal wound was healed.
And the whole earth was amazed and followed after the beast;

they worshiped the dragon because he gave his authority to the beast;
and they worshiped the beast,
chanting, “Who is like unto the beast,
and who is able to wage war with him?”

- St John, Revelation 13 - The Beast from the Sea

Wish You Were Here

feeling kind of lost, when this song surfaced in my mind



Live performance on their Pulse tour

The Pencil

The Pencil Maker took the pencil aside, just before putting him into the box.
"There are 5 things you need to know", he told the pencil, "before I send you out into the world. Always remember them and you will become the best pencil you can be".

ONE: You will be able to do many great things, but only if you allow yourself to be held in Someone's hand.

TWO: You will experience a painful sharpening from time to time, but you'll need it to become a better pencil.

THREE: You will be able to correct any mistakes you might make.

FOUR: The most important part of you will always be what's inside.

AND FIVE: On every surface you are used on, you must leave your mark. No matter what the condition, you must continue to write.

The pencil understood and promised to remember, and went into the box with purpose in its heart. The parable of the pencil imparts great wisdom in the way we human beings live our lives as well.

Allow this parable on the pencil to encourage you to know that you are a special person and only you can fulfill the purpose to which you were born to accomplish.

Never allow yourself to get discouraged and think that your life is insignificant and cannot make a change.

We are just like the pencil, who can make a difference in our lives and in the lives of the people around us. Don't ever underestimate what you have the power to do!

ANONYMOUS

Talk-cock sessions

whenever we have nothing to do during our course, we sit in our bunks and talk cock about things we observe in our lives. One person will launch unto a topic, say his ambitions. Whenever it comes to gender or races, there will be generalisations that are unsubstianted statistically, which sorts of pisses me off. I mean, the speaker ought to get the facts right and present the information professionally.

EXTRACTS:

One is tempted to believe, that "Singaporean girls are materialistic and only go after your purse". Another, say "girls in Singapore Polytechnic Business IT are very cui- " and the best are in Temasek Polytechnic.. then it's my turn to raise a skeptical eyebrow and show the 'wtf' sign.

I mean what content is worth discussing? It's pointless you see, except for keeping the cogs and wheels in our minds turning. We wonder who among us might get married first. and we can quarrel like little children.

I find that our resident musician-conductor in my bunk, is very expressive about his thoughts, but can be very sensitive when you tread on his toes. Very selfish bastard sometimes. This is in concurrence with the 'other musician' that has always been occupying my thoughts. For better or worse, subconsciously, she's always in a part of memories. But I know the rule of the world. The layman - or person of lower status - finds it hard to talk to a professional, or a person of attractive charms. Like my friend says, he wouldn't go after a girl of higher status than him. So carry on my foolish ambition, no. In my life, I've got to think of ways to upgrade my status.

One of our course instructors says he's MAD (Married, Adorable, Desirable), while we're SAD ppl (Single, Available, Desperate).

Reading TIME magazine and trying not to think about Yi Hern, who's probably studying away for his tests (well, thanks for your concern in your sms). And Yuan Ting, who's probably just home from work and planning our next acapella practice session. And Wong Chyi, who's probably waiting to get his bookout and pass out from SISPEC. And Brother, who's probably returning home from his Yamaha Drum Lessons. Sometimes you don't wonder... who gives a f- about you in this world. You just wade on in the water - I mean tread water, prevent you from sinking.

Ah.. what would this world be without friends. Yet we are alone.


***


20 Years of life have passed-by in how many blinks of my eye?
Yet it is through this 20 year old life that I've seen what Life has to offer.
Like a child, I think about:

Say where do I see myself in 20 years time?
Buy insurance, those PruCash options to accumulate for my mid-life.
How do I make the most of my life?
Do I still listen to my parents? To what extent can they be trusted now?
Why are my parents in a period of stagnation in their lives - have they no more dreams to fulfill? *This is the scratch-head question* Why can't they push me further?
DO I have to do everything now, myself? chart my course, and receive advice that plays with my brain?
Why am I forgetting things taught like I've got super short-term memory?

Too many questions and no time to answer them to the point. I have a feeling I will wrestle with them during my guard duties...

Don't plan too much though, life happens while you're busy making plans.

rolling stone gathers no moss

If my life-story - if - it was a book, it seems to have recurring themes of negativity.. Take for example,

I am a rolling stone that gathers no moss.

I am self-centered.

Or I always feel negative when it comes to blogging. waste of time.

"Mama, I let you down." that's the worst feeling - you've had since you were a child.

**



CHRIS COCO - STARLIGHT. A nice song I heard over Lush.. DJ with cool vibes.

**

last week played 'Hey! that's my Fish', 'PitchCar', 'Guillitoine', and Twists and Thurns (Germany postage boardgame).

this week was in camp acapella. Stubbornly didn't agree with the beat-boxing instructor and embarrassed myself onstage. Damn, I can't shake off the feeling.

the solo-lines .. who likes singing the supporting parts? singing the melody rocks.

man. i need songs for comfort. like



AYO - AND IT'S SUPPOSED TO BE LOVE.

All kinds of sad; all kinds of bad

Hanging On The Trees - Leslie Low

So on the way down
I count the days of numbers out
So on the way down
I lose the sense of meaning
Hey there, you know
All lights gone out
Time's running out
It's meant to be

Afar, a hanging on the trees
Away from sight and hearing
A time when all the leaves were green
Embarrassed now from blooming
Hey there, you know
Man's playing god
Life can be bought and sold with ease

Hang like a star
Lay down like a brick
I've been made a fool of me
Dry as a nail
Through flesh into wood
I've been made a fool of me
Hey there, you know
All kinds of sad
Grey kind of black is hanging on
All kinds of bad are hanging on.


feeling melancholic..
thumbing through my handphone contacts, I mused that people are meant to be forgotten... along with everything else I once knew.

bye stupid-ass. wasted your time reading. =P


In The Air - Leslie Low

Waiting by the gates of heaven for nothing you have seen
Waiting by the gates of hell for everything
Waiting by the roadside for a past you've grown from since
Waiting for a glimpse of what you'd been

Dead mountains surround you
Your friends they don't care anyway
Anyday
They'll turn you in
It's in the air

Waiting by the gates of freedom for time and nothing less
Waiting for the last in line, the rest
Waiting for a glimpse of hope
A sliver through the vent
Waiting on the wire to repent

Dead birds around you
You'll make friends in there anyway
Anyday
It's in the air.

these NSF days, I suck-my-thumb and serve my nation -
with pride. Due to reasons of national security, I will not divulge any details related to my training or military vocation. My civilian life remains my primary focus.

"Oh how long has it taken me - call off the dogs now...
I'd get - my act - my soul - my pack of cigs now...
Same - as no one else - but me now...

Oh how long has it taken me?
same as nobody else but me - hang my head down...
down to my toes - unknown to the rest I'm told...
Same - as no one else - but me...
gotta keep up myself...
Get up and Go from Here, Far as can be..."

Lyrics by Leslie Low and music by the observatory.

Sea Soldier

Where I'm posted to?


Camo net must change to algae... hang starfish

heard from a friend, sea soldier equals 24/7 guard duty... man... how scary can it get?

back to basics.

一人一半。 One Each.

This sweet little song captured my heart and many audiences around Singapore. Take a listen, and you can feel all the right chords being sung and strum in harmony. There's a distinct melancholic feeling, in the lyrics, an Ode to this "meaningful" Life and the relationships you invest in.



The Papaya Sisters and Rooster Boy was very entertaining. Don't know why some people (bro) thought it was lame. Royston Tan's attempt is daring and different from those Jack Neo flicks.. Who wouldn't have given up on being serious, when they saw the Durian Sisters shooting rays of light from the breastplates they were wearing? I was like WTFWTF....

From a blank slate, to nothing more.

What if I can't collect my worthless thoughts today
and save them for tomorrow.

***

Ok, actually I was thinking about this girl I knew.

So sad that Yi Tien's leaving behind 10 years of memories, to actually to migrate far from here. The US. Poor girl, having to move halfway around the world, after all these years here. So she has finally uprooted, to a someplace where she may seek her fortunes. Anyway. I have got her linked up along with my friends... If you're reading this, do take care.

C'est la vie

We are a generation of people, in which communication and commercial media form an important role, pervading our lives. We become so manufactured in all aspects that it is difficult to tell people apart from one another. We become so obedient to every whim of the system, and we live, unquestioning every move we make.

As Leslie Low sang the song from Humpback Oak days, Anti-citizen, he desires to break down the system, re-educate, re-allocate.

*uncompleted post* ... my fingers take to their resting places.



and musicians like Freddie Mercury are quite extra-ordinary..

Bohemian Rhapsody

performed by Queen, written and sung by Freddie Mercury)



Is this the real life?
Is this just fantasy?
Caught in a landslide,
No escape from reality.
Open your eyes,
Look up to the skies and see!

I'm just a poor boy, I need no sympathy!
Because I'm easy come, easy go,
A little high, little low,
Anyway the wind blows, doesnt really matter to me,
To me

Mama, just killed a man,
Put a gun against his head,
Pulled my trigger, now he's dead,
Mama, life had just begun,
But now I've gone and thrown it all away-
Mama, ooo,
Didn't mean to make you cry-
If I'm not back again this time tomorrow-
Carry on, carry on, as if nothing really matters-

Too late, my time has come,
Sends shivers down my spine-
Body's aching all the time,
Goodbye everybody, I've got to go-
Gotta leave you all behind and face the truth-
Mama ooo- (any way the wind blows)
I don't want to die,
I sometimes wish I'd never been born at all-

I see a little silhouetto of a man,
Scaramouche, scaramouche will you do the fandango-
Thunderbolt and lightning- very very frightening me-
Galileo! galileo!
Galileo! galileo!
Galileo! figaro-magnifico-
But I'm just a poor boy and nobody loves me-
He's just a poor boy from a poor family!
Spare him his life from this monstrosity!
Easy come easy go-, will you let me go-
Bismillah! no we will not let you go- let him go!
Bismillah! we will not let you go- let him go!
Bismillah! we will not let you go- let me go!
Will not let you go- let me go!
Will not let you go let me go!
No, no, no, no, no, no, no-
Mama mia, mama mia, mama mia let me go-
Beelzebub has a devil put aside for me, for me, for me-

So you think you can stone me and spit in my eye-
So you think you can love me and leave me to die-
Oh baby- can't do this to me baby-
Just gotta get out- just gotta get right outta here-

Nothing really matters,
Anyone can see,
Nothing really matters-, nothing really matters to me,

Any way the wind blows...

Cremated

The Cremation took place in the late afternoon @ Mandai Crematorium and Columbarium.

Words without pictures.
- A documentation of the events

When the rites were over (and more to follow).

I.

Relatives, we donned our ceremonial white socks,
queued in a single-file, and listened
for the undertaker's instructions.
With heavy hearts, our socks wept over the floor
as we took our turns beside Grandma's body:
shed uncontrollable tears, and bid our fond farewells.


II.

Peeking through the glass panel,
I see her sleeping peacefully in the coffin.
A white pearl seated on the ridges of her lips*

From the range of floral wreaths,
the prettiest flowers were picked
to be laid above the coffin,
wheeled into the back of the van.


III.

We marched one thousand metres
in the vapours of the afternoon heat.
Through her familiar neighbourhood,
like how she used to shop for groceries,
before the diminishing strength in her legs.

Duty, filial piety - part of a man's pride,
Dad, and the youngest son, second-son-in-line,
and the eldest son (grandson in stead),
pushing the Undertaker's Van,
with recorded buddhist chantings.

The sun shining brightly on our faces,
some were teary-eyed, some pale
from worry for Grandma's soul.
It was surreal, as if being captured
on a black and white photograph.


IV.

The onlookers,
shuffling aimlessly past
in either direction.

A pedestrian,
standing on the overhead bridge,
or waiting at the bus-stop.

The ignorant rabble
caught a glimpse of our emotions,
as we paraded past them.

We did not return their glances
our heads bowed deep
in sorrow and reflection.


V.

My dear second Aunt was very worried,
that burning Grandma's body was
not the correct decision.
What if her soul was trapped within
her physical confines?
I mumbled away,
"Burning would be good"
No more denial - no more vexing questions.

From a body to ashes.
ashes to be selectively picked by
her sons and daughters,
to be placed in an urn like Grandpa's.

I guess she's gone for good,
and we'd have to live with her memories.

Everything that has happened,
was meant to happen.

Vita brevis ad infineteur. and Memento mori.

How it all rings in my head now.

*Tale of the Empress Dowager's body being preserved by a precious pearl, whereupon extraction of the pearl, decayed instantly into a fragmented, blackening, rotten corpse.

Notice :(

Dear Blog-readers.

KNOW THIS - on the 19th of MAY, Saturday, around 7.20 pm - my lovely Grandma - 81 years old - passed away peacefully, on her deathbed in her own home, and will be, forever sleeping among the stars.

Printed on her Death Certificate, the diagnoses:

1) Adeno Carcinoma of unknown origin with Metastasis to the bone

2) Lung Carcinoma

Her disease onset was 5 years. And severely crippling her for the last 2 months,

Her four sons and six daughters, gathered around her small bedroom, to see her off during the last moments.

It was a heart-wrenching experience for me, the hapless grandson, to be away from her side until late Saturday morning, only able to talk to someone unconscious, semi-comatose (quoting an Aunt). She was no doubt, suffering in the hospital ward. So my aunties and uncles got her discharged, and an ambulance to transport her back to her home @ 74 Marine Drive.

I hope Grandma's soul would remain at peace, and get reincarnated soon. Preferably, to be a bird would not be such a bad thing (quoting an Aunt).

I would not have the mood to blog for awhile. Out of respect for her - the best Grandma I've had - I have to reflect and recollect my memories.

=

Dear Bro.

If you'd agree with me and Mom and Dad (and Grandma's advice to keep you in the dark.), it wasn't a good idea to tell you straight away. But we're glad you found out, and hope you'd get better after a few days of mourning.

I'm staying in the wake for the next few days until Wednesday.

The Weight of an Elephant's Dream

Check it out @ *scape. It was a rainy day and I've been daydreaming a lot myself these days.
Decided to stop by around Orchard road after reading the ad on ST.

Here's some photos of the exhibition I got from Shuxian's LJ.







All of the above art is done by the NTU graduate, Shu Xian & friends Cherie, Hong Jun, and Samuel. I have absolutely no ownership of their work and no affiliation to them, but I very much admire what they have created. Woah... painting on walls, chopping boards, video exhibits of blue men. And also bitch a little about life in Singapore... with style!

I think it went somewhere along these lines:

"Singapore is an Elephant

It makes people dream big things...

..Big things = very heavy.

I am depressed."

My favourite was an improvisational drawing on the animated blue men (second photo from above). It was this little guy who kept on bowing madly. He was put into the context of being in the midst of a group of Japanese businessmen.. and you know now why he bowed like mad. It is hilarious, I tell you! XD


Shuxian's LJ is full of Art, but bewarned - not for those who get easily offended / conservatives - R21 drawings. I especially liked this entry and this one years ago - being an artist isn't easy. (I can imagine the inherent psychological battles and mental barriers that serve as input, to twist out the creative output - like juicing an orange?)


(excerpt from Shuxian's LJ archive)

Some poetry

put to sleep,
destined for slaughter

(XvX)

The host of fowl shared
a common dream of reincarnation,
and hastened their feathered bodies
across the conveyor belt.

The factory operator wipes
the sickly sweat off his brow.

A vegetarian himself,
he shakes his head in disgust,
and utters a buddhist scripture
under his cotton face mask.

Their conciousness melted,
somewhere further down the line,
where they were put to sleep,
by a sterile hypodermic needle.

The feathers were unplucked
to reveal a gross white fat.
Their shivering bare flesh hung in mid-air,
commanding the stark shadows on the floor.

That they revered in newfound freedom,
of the stinking bird coop
where they once lived.

As the steamer sang and hissed in triumph,
the metal grimace yawned wide open,
to reveal an impending darkness.

(XvX)

Surely this is good enough reason,
good enough respect for a living being,
to give prayer for the sanctity of life,
and thanks to the food.

Amen.


The first time in a long while, guilty feelings have crept in while eating food.
I ate Chicken Cutlet at a Western Food hawker stall that does a fair bit of evangelism.

(XvX)

Macabre.

bloodstains on a tree.

killed by natural-unnatural courses.

If a tree fell in the forest
and no one heard the woman scream
Tell me, would the falling tree
have made a sound?

Or was maniacal laughter heard
under the rustling leaves?


On the Sad News.

Why did the girl decapitate
her poor mother's head?
Was she mentally ill.
Did she feel really bored,
Or was it God's will?

Why did the same girl
chop off her mother's arms,
but did not practice cannibalism
for them than decor for plants?
Or was it an offering?

Why does mother mine shiver with fear,
- feels a chill along a patch of her neck-
as she reads the news, as if
worried that I might -
out of naive human curiousity,
subject her to the same experience?

Is the Day of Judgement upon us.
Where every person shrieks in madness,
and amok runs around naked,
Or have we witnessed an isolated incident?

My current idol, local troubadour Leslie Low replied my questions regarding quality guitar shopping today.

I'm not only obliged to expand his bulletin on MYSPACE. But it has almost become my duty to share his music (what I'd do for friends too).

Late night musings.

(carry-forward post)

imagine you were on a hot air balloon, and that spherical expanse of air above, that vastness of space below you. how can it possibly be great? you don't know if you are simply floating, or riding on a current of air. reminds me of that feeling I get when playing FF12 in the mysterious landscape of the yellow Urutuan Yensa Sandsea.... (in Chinese, Yensa literally means salt sea)


Of course, it would be great, if you had a romantic companion with you. However. The. Feeling. Here. Is. Quite. Alone.

=

"Plunge in headlong - into the void - with me and take a look into my world," cries the artist. In fact, most humans want this above all. To be understood by fellow humans.


Artists are - unable to express themselves - adequately - through conventional means - they feel that - being creative - is their - our- birthright, and their ego manifests universally - into a superego - undeterred - not something everyone should take for granted.

I'm such a self-proclaimed person. but under close scrutiny, I could be reduced to nothing.

A blind man who thinks he can see. A pop artist hungry for commercial success.

Downwards is hellwards. Upwards is skywards. Yet, Ohh... don't forsake me (..God, for I am stating my own.. convictions - what I am led to believe; what you led me to believe)

Long fall's a hard fall.

The Gospel of Judas by Simon Mawer... The novel was very interesting - gave a real glimpse into the passions of humans (how a Catholic Priest lost faith in everything he yearned to believe in, and it was a sad story. the end.) The real Gospel of Judas however, simply states that there were conflicting ideas in the early church. In the former, was Judas stoned to death because he witnessed an entirely different aspect of history..? Biblical scholars debate over this speculation.

Will God save us all? There is altogether a possibility that we might not enjoy salvation. The sacrifice is too great. I.e. human sacrifice, rights & freedom sacrifice, social sacrifice, creativity sacrifice. I am a skeptic. who internally frowns @ such ideas. The kingdom of God. And why you must believe...

C'mon c'mon. "Happy the atheist who gives the poor man money enough for a meal without any other... thoughts of kingdom or salvation" (Cyril Wong) . He should be taken into heaven too - Is heaven's will not Justice? As happy as I can be, floating on the clouds like the illustrated Monkey King wielding my golden bamboo cane. If not, I think I would be even happier in a lukewarm hell - what we Chinese have traditionally believed in.

do (y)ourselves a favour

Sunday Times reported on the informative blogs
of a foodie-cum-clinician, Dr Leslie Tay.

makan sedap!!
http://ieatishootipost.blogspot.com/

the clinic
http://karrifamilyclinic.blogspot.com/

My Cousin the Newlywed

I came with my mother,
Shaked hands with my uncle and aunt;
the parents of the bride, my cousin,
on this joyous occassion.

The Swissotel Stamford.

At the reception, an icy sculpture,
on which hung green grapes - the ones with seeds,
(a tribute to a fertile marriage)
Red strawberries and cherries
which were savoured with relish.

A group gathered round the ice and
stared in wonder, making O-shaped
mouth sounds, in appraisal of the stylish offering.
We feasted on the ripe fruit; the baby was fed in morsels.
Time passed while everyone was talking
to fill the air with kind wishes.

We looked around for a glimpse of the star couple.
A sweet-looking young girl was playing a baby grand.
The music was -
"She's teaching music. Studying in Junior College."
"Oh really? She looks just about my age."
- unfamiliar -
a soft, soothing lounge music to my ears.

Time passed and we met with more relatives.

We went in and ate the 8-course Chinese dinner.
Fussed over the gifts and service.
Toasted beer, wine, and champagne to the couple.
Applauded to their speeches.
Tables of smiles were captured by
a photographer wielding a sleek black camera.
Looked around to fill our desires,
to be served and entertained.

The dessert - Black glutinous rice with vanilla ice-cream.
When the evening was over,
The well-wishers shaked hands with the couple.
Outside, we groped the melting ice sculpture.
Until it broke.

We got a ride home
from an uncle who
drank four glasses of (bitter-tasting)
Sherlot
Red wine and declared himself
sober.

==

ON my computer table is a pink rose from my cousin's wedding.
Still pink in freshness, and scented like two days ago.
Like some of my relatives, I picked up a bunch and took a whiff.
It was easy to understand, Girl's fascination for them.
Their divine geometry, their intoxicating fragance.
Sweet smelling roses, exuding youth and exuberance.

How I yearn, oh, to be closer with the rose.
If only they aren't so short-lived.

Anywhere the wind goes..

A TRIBUTE TO BACH

In the choir warm-ups,

I once experienced a wonderful sensation.

We were rehearsing at the Singapore Chinese Orchestra hall

And when the command was given for silence,

The flow of air was heard from the aircon on the ceiling.

I thought I heard the crisp notes of Bach's Air,

from on high, carried from the descending current.

sharpening my awareness, before I sang.

Budak Pantai

Going to watch these guys @ bluemoo YMCA tomorrow. =)

http://www.budakpantai.com/

The entertainers!

feeling the anger.

http://www.mrbrownshow.com/?p=797

now I appreciate the greatness of e.g. Jesus and his teachings, as opposed to this recklessness perpetuation of our mundane, materialistic society. The rich gets richer and the poor gets poorer... etcetera. Familiarity. You can't say you feel good about the arresting facts. You can't even say you're in the comfort zone.. what about those below you? This Apathy, this subliminal fear we live in.

Why I like Art films

Sankara

1. They are just different and outwardly expressive.
2. The films are often subtle in their meaning and can be interpreted in personal ways.
3. They offer valuable insights to mirror the dreary nature of everyday life.
4. They offer different fare for the jaded cynic of typical Hollywood movies, where cause and effect are very closely linked.
5. You don't feel bad about watching an Art movie, because it has changed you somewhat: it plays with all your emotions and subconciousness while the film rolls. If it doesn't it's not a great film, or that you chose one in which you weren't able to relate with..

I will be watching Sankara, the opening film from Sri Lanka, on the 18th April @ Lido. I'd like to see how a celibate deals with his awakened repressed lust; and what happens when he is no longer in control of the situation. For more information, visit: http://filmfest.org.sg . Tickets are very much sold out already.

Actually I'd like to watch Solos, the Singapore film. Just that I haven't found a companion for the event.. It's just so disturbing, and curiousity gets the better of you.




Solos


I watched The Return (2003/04) yesterday on DVD @ Temasek Poly Library. It was stated to be a psychological thriller - I admit I very much felt the suspense. But I also carried away from the movie, the anguish of the characters after being marvellously played out by those boys.



Vanya, "fishing in the thunderstorm"

(Spoilers below)

Vanya and Gerin are brothers that play together in their childhood in the cold, grey hinterlands of Russia. The film starts out by giving depth to the characters. Gerin being the elder brother, is adventurous and more mature than Vanya, the younger boy, who is afraid to trust and afraid of heights. Both boys start out on Sunday, and a series of events are set in motion, cumulating in their ultimate maturity at the end of the week.

On Monday, they run home to find that their typical Granny-Mama household has found the sleeping presence of a new man. Mama tells the children that both that their long-lost Papa of 12 years is back. This Mama does not smile, or display much joy at the prospect. Instead the atmosphere in the family is cold and grey as it has always been. In the stifling presence of Papa, the household is restored to patriachial command, as shown by Papa pouring wines/vodka for everyone in the family, and everyone waiting for his permission to start eating.

The next day, Papa brings the two boys out for a two-day fishing trip. The Papa, I believe, wants to mould his sons into grownup men. First of all, he drives the car quietly, without a word. As man of the house, he demands obedience and total respect from his boys. He expects Vanya to address him as Papa. He makes himself seem unreasonable to the boys, by inflicting violence on Gerin for disobedience or incompetence. Or like punishing Vanya for whining, by leaving him in a thunderstorm. The father appeared to be a nasty piece of work, although I believe his intentions had been good.. To train his sons to be strong and survive the hardships of the world.

Over the week, Vanya had doubts whether Papa was indeed their father and whether he was worthy to be so, while Gerin embraced Papa. They cross the sea, labouring at the oars to arrive at a deserted island. So after being abused again, Vanya prophesises to Gerin that, "If he touches me again, I'll swear I'll kill him." The next morning, he steals Papa's knife, and I'm kept in the suspense all this while - thinking about the father who must die.

In a violent and dramatic confronation between the boys and their father, the young Vanya shouts at Papa, "Why did you come back? You don't need us. We don't need you." A chase to the light-tower, the abused Gerin chases after the father that throttled him. Vanya threatens to kill himself by jumping down the tower. In the helplessness of the situation, we all know who died suddenly amidst all the chaos.

The boys were faced with independence, in the island on their own. A sudden change of mindset. Of necessity and self-responsibility. Gerin looked after his younger brother. We have to bury the dead. Some of the training that Papa taught them were put into good use. By Sunday, Papa had taught them a hell of a lesson, and led them part of the way to manhood. Savageness is necessary to forge a piece of iron, to put it into good use.

The director of the movie says he's keen to bring out Russian Mysticism in the film, which I believe is something that goes like "hardships strengthen people" with imagery like a sea crossing being a big voyage in life. I find that the Russian breed is indeed one of its kind, growing in a savage, cold and grey landscape throughout history.

Octopus

I feel like an octopus stretching out its tentacles in the murky depths. So far, I've been seeking nothing but pleasures to fill my life..

Does the octopus below look sinister? (Or ready to squirt a jet of ink and escape?)

(Picture used from rachelleb.com pending permission)

Octopuses can multi-task.. I can't. I am making a simple decision between piano and guitar learning. The trouble is - I can't take action. I can't find the time to learn before CMPB sends me the letter. I have this bag of excuses.. (ie. injured my wrist while rollerblading.. still damn pain when I bend it, need time to train physique, reading, etc.)

I am so preoccupied this month. I hardly have time to blog.

List of events for April:

5. AS (Biotech) Graduation (5/4)

6. Meet with Ching Mei's cell group to watch Passion 'X DVD (6/4)
13. Budak Pantai concert (13/4)

14. The Observatory's "A Far Cry From Here" album launch @ Zouk (14/4)
18. Sankara (opening film for international film festival) (18/4) [I also want to watch the Sg shorts!!]
21. April's 21st Birthday (21/4)

a random moment

When I remininsce...
a flood of memories
immerse me in a false sense of reality.

HERE

Is this the real life, or is this just fantasy?

The Observatory

I got autographs!

"A Far Cry From Here" Album Front & Back

Vivian signed first, followed by Ray, Leslie, Evan, Dharma and Victor... Thanks guys for the wonderful evening..

Setlist was as follows (as best as I can recall):

Acid Pills
Olives
Fall of man (defining the concept of dehumanisation in everyday lives)
Wonderkind (inspired by the Gospel of Judas)
Downwards is hellwards (their feeling towards Globalisation ; surprisingly pleased by bassline and interplay between guitars)
The sink (Viv's recorder solo was a bit short.. however it made sense in the album arrangement, the musical line was introduced in an earlier song)
Enlightense
I didn't see her
Deadheat (tribute to their favourite band, This Heat)
When I see a fire (Victor's song.. showcases his expert bass skills. )
The last grand fallible plan (inspired by stayers and quitters.)

Encore:
My Whole Life
Sea of doubts

I find it quite funny that I usually find the OBS easy-listening simply because I turn down the volume a lot. Perhaps I get to hear all the good lines, and tone down the supporting ones. Live bands are always loud and hard on the ear. Today, I've learnt I'm not getting the fully desired sound experience.

The tiny recorder solo at the back of The sink was quite a hard fit for my tastes. Victor's expansive basslines moved the songs: Downwards is hellwards, and The last grand fallible plan. I'm still listening to the album now.

Nevertheless the songs on the 2nd album clicked with me well. I'm just fresh from a round of listen back @ home with the lyrics on the 3rd album.. It was difficult to decipher this batch of lyrics... Why weren't there lyrics for the 2nd album? It was soo good!

Anyway, got handshakes and autographs from members of the band. I wasn't able to interact long with them, for I was muted for the moment, and left with few words but in awe and respect.. They just signed on my copy of A Far Cry From Here.. They were larger than life, and it was great to receive their signatures. It was quite inspiring for me to meet them in person.

Working

Yes I've found work recently; I've been working for 3 weeks.

Interesting was this part-time job as a Banquet waiter @ Ritz Carlton Millenia, Singapore. It involves a lot of menial work. Especially for a guy. However, the pay is good.. 6 per hour. Heard it used to be 10??

But the perks! Besides having a free meal, I have served an event graced by President SR Nathan. It was the "Go Red For Women" campaign dinner. Big event huh? Thus I have witnessed walks of the business-life, demanding guests and so on.

I really envy those dining guests. Being served classy food and wines would really make me a happy man. Would you like a Chardonnay, Ma'am? How about the Cabarnet Sauvignon? Or the Merlott? Vintage wines... Must know the country of origin, and grape... Hard liquor.. Jack Daniel's Black, how would you like to be served? On the rocks. Oh sorry, cocktail hour's over...

I've decided to quit drinking Ice water @ Wedding Banquets. They come from the Tap! Even some guests request for Evians!
...

My half-day temp job at Balestier Primary school is that of a clerk. The Administration Manager had resigned, so I have to help the full-time data entry clerks do payment auditing, check edusave forms, photocopy, answer calls, and help Principal/VP type letters.

I realise that I quite like a half-day job, because I would be paid $22 each weekday. I think my Mum also does this, so it's probably in my genes (Lamarckism). Oh, did I mention I was turning away from science? Well, some of their concepts still hold interest for me. Just don't make me study any protein networks or biochemical systems, and I'll be fine! I reserve the right to change my mind though.

Anyway. The school environment is very cheerful. In the office, small issues are exaggerated in the faces or dramatised in the dialogue between the clerks, principals, school attendants, teachers, pupils, and parents.

It is quite funny to think that Primary school "pupils" become a term, instead of students. *Starts thinking about eye regional anatomy*
...

Tomorrow is the OBS concert.

The final blow

My cGPA rests at 2.78. I got a B for my Major Project.

wtf.

I am like half-way between totally worn out and disgusted at... myself...

You see me studying, doing my best each time around, at home or in school... Yet, so far, I find this ain't the career for me. I cannot go far with these academic results. I might as well die.

Just a figure of speech. I would die eventually (hopefully of natural causes). But where's the glory in dying now, eh?

I need to make an emergency U-turn; to get back in the game. tata peeps.


*** Previously unpublished session of self-doubt ***

Why was I in Biotechnology? For a combination of reasons:

Innate lust for Fame and Recognition, and ultimately, Power. ( - dared - I - think! - )

I realised this today. This is a typical human drive - what am I but an insignificant human in a population of million. And how do I stand out and make the world a better place? It turns out that the definition of a better place is subjective (the concept varies from person to person), and you'd always risk upset to others in making decisions. Nevertheless, to what end was I willing to pursue, to make a name myself in the world, rather than drift on as a number? And tra la~

In all ambition, I pooled my investment, pushed all my faculties to the overdrive, for the hope of success.

I thought that you could always brainwash yourself to succeed. Now I need brainwash in the opposite direction. Reverse determinism.

***

SOPHIE'S WORLD is an excellent book. I would call it avant-garde.

Thought: "Should I be an English Teacher? If yes, I have a long way to go..."

Poor use of punctuation marks and poor tenses really irk me. Although sometimes, I find that my understanding of English is not far above average, especially in the command of English Vocabulary. At least, I am used to perfecting my sentence structures in a concise manner.

relevance

In my hour of solitude.

I pondered, what became of my 3 years in polytechnic?
I pondered, of the future yet to come, my career progression.
For I'm trapped in this moment now, in which I can look forward or behind.

And it's time to think really hard:
Shall I crawl further in the fields of sciences?
Is it a gold mine, or a minefield I am heading into?

And it's time to reflect deeply:
Will I have the courage to continue, or the determination to succeed?
Could I perceive a future of satisfaction in my career?

I am but, a simple man.
And to address all these perplexing questions,
I thought of immediate solutions to silence them.

In my hour of solitude.

Memento mori

Memento mori (Wikipedia)

Vita brevis breviter in brevi finietur,
Life is short and shortly it will end

Mors venit velociter que neminem veretur,
Death comes quicker than you think

Omnia mors perimit et nulli miseretur.
It takes everything away, but takes pity on no one

Ad mortem festinamus peccare desistamus.
We hasten towards death, we shall restrain from sinning


Ni conversus fueris et sicut puer factus
If you don’t repent and become pure as a child

Et vitam mutaveris in meliores actus,
And if you don’t change your life by doing better,

Intrare non poteris regnum Dei beatus.
You cannot enter the Kingdom of God.

Ad mortem festinamus peccare desistamus.
We hasten towards death, we shall restrain from sinning

(The Catalan Llibre Vermell de Montserrat, 1939)

I agree with the first verse (first 4 lines).

TONY TAKITANI

Today, I've learnt for the umpteenth time that appearances can be deceiving. With references to people conjuring up all sorts of unconventional wild styles.. haiz. I refuse to elaborate on this senseless blabbering..

Now, I've watched a movie in school, TONY TAKITANI. Here's an English translation of the novel on the New Yorker.

The author, none other than the renown Haruki Murakami.

Directed by Jun Ichikawa. I recommend loners to watch it. Nope. I mean, the life prospects of Tony seem to increase, climax in the middle, and taper off towards the end. It's a bit melancholic in that sense. The turn of fortunes. etc

The Mister Brown Show needs no introduction to local netizens.

Airing comedy podcasts on daily news and political satire, it shows the imaginative Singaporean twist to local news stories. Funnily enough. I was recently impressed by the Anonymous Heroes clip. In which Mr Brown does a falsetto impression of Random Grl~~ from the League of Anonymous Media Policing Action Heroes.

It's more delightful than having a talk with the cab driver. Cab drivers vary in their personalities and willingness to talk.


Oh. Concerning the night on 19th February, MOS was ok. A typical disco in Clarke Quay opened just last year. Yes. There's some eyecandy for the flirting eyes. But it was quite disappointing. I had hoped for, I-don't-know, Jazzy themes? I can't stand the thick smoky air and I don't know our society's concept of dancing well enough. Everyone's too into Hip-Hop dancing. Bro dances well with his gf.

Sophie's World

Earned $140 from Red Packets. Unique Chinese custom. Spices up life I daresay.

TOMORROW...

Asian Civilisation Museum, morning visit due to free admission (should I be selective in knowledge hunting?)

Focus on reading, 'Sophie's World' by Jostein Gaarder.

Please input desirable knowledge.. .. .. . . Wisest is He/She that knows he/she knows Nothing.

Three Essays.. Paradigm Conspiracy

An heady essay by Breton, D., & Largent, C..

"PSYCHOTHERAPY'S PURPOSE - The agenda for traditional psychoanalytic therapy, for instance, isn't to develop human potential; it's to keep people functional in established social structures, however miserable their lives may be and however abusive or wrong-headed the social structures. "Well-adjusted" becomes a synonym for mental health. But if someone is well-adjusted to being an SS officer in Nazi concentration camps, is that person mentally healthy? In Fire In The Soul, psychoneuroimmunologist Joan Borysenko writes of this narrow aim of therapy: "Sigmund Freud...believed that when a person was cured of neurosis the best outcome that could be expected was return 'to an ordinary state of unhappiness.'" (New York: Warner, 1993, p. 54) Psychotherapy's official job is mopping up the mess that social systems make of our lives by convincing us that the mess is our fault, our failing, our screwiness. If we don't conform, adjust, fit in, and measure up, something must be wrong with us. And psychotherapy has its truth: we may well be frozen in grief or shock and not functioning at our best, but don't the social systems that shape us deserve equal scrutiny, equal critical analysis? Thankfully many therapists reject this paradigm and venture forth with their clients on the forbidden territory of meaning and human potential as well as of critiquing social structures, but it's no easy task persuading insurance companies to come along. Control institutions pay insurance companies to pay health professionals to keep people in their place, serving the established order... " (excerpt from website)

This originated from a New Zealand website on Weather Modification that appears to feature many other references. At first glance, it looks as if it is a hoax. But the reading material provided is very interesting, providing rational opinions no matter how skeptical one can get.

A Scientist's Thoughts about Redefining our Concept of God by Sahtouris, E. (PhD.) in 1999.

Anyway, one could get lost hours surfing this website.

some other time

Da vinci's notebook was kept for the purpose of his own understanding. Likewise I'd like to express fragments of my thoughts here.

We moogles know all sorts of magicks, Kupo! We can teleport you anywhere around town!

On Final Fantasy XII (www.finalfantasyxii.com/). The first FF I played (and am still playing). Probably the only RPG I'll take seriously - I want to complete it. The graphics are good. the music's good. the moogles are extremely cute (small bunny-folk). the characters are interesting. the gameplay is fresh. the story is fantasisable.. (the female characters wear revealing garments.. etc)

On Hatha Yoga. This subject refers to a form of relaxed yoga that emphasises on breathing, stretching your muscles for good tone, and calming your inner organs. I think it's quite a useful leisure activity. You get to lie down and relax during the lesson, once a week.

Postures I've learnt in the beginner course:

Arm and Leg (mountain) Posture
Sideway bending

Cat posture

Table position
Warrior I
Warrior II

Chair position
Meadow posture
Camel posture


On what I want to do in the future
tell you about it some other time..

pt I: Blog Declaration ; pt II: MY PeRSoNaLiTy TesT

A declaration to the blog-reader:

I feel that I should move this to the latest post, since my blog is primarily egocentric. Sorry if I may offend you, fail to keep you entertained, or - god forbid! - waste your time. In life, it's probably better and less complicating, if people like me adopt an honest policy towards charting our perspectives of the world.

I may have this childish idea that my universe should be at the centre of all things I should care about, especially since this is my domain (WAHAHAHA..). Feel free to get lost here.

But traverse my universe if you may. I care about all my friends. The reason my blog does not feature my friends frequently - I don't have an extensive friendship base. At best a shallow one. Two good buddies whom I can always count on over the years. Nothing else as deep.

A knight in shining armour riding on a black steed. Although, I have climbed many mountains and slayed (tiptoed past) many dragons in their sleep. But amore I have not! So far, I've not captured the hearts of any fair damsels. Wrought by scars of acne and melanin pigments of coal, no I have not! No I am no Prince Charming! But Romeo I am. A Romeo trapped within the vessel of a man. His spirit for romance and adventure, undeterred.

Ok.. My literary pretensions got ahead of me. Go ahead. Feed me some poison.

**

This personality test made me feel so good for myself, I almost cried.


KEIRSEY, D. said I was ...
http://keirsey.com/personality/nfip.html


BUTT, J. said I was ...
http://typelogic.com/infp.html


I say whatever. These personality determinants are bad if you let them sink into your head, and influence your psychological development. Always shy away from being predictable!

Pt 1: I'm not immune; Pt 2: Dialogue below.

I'm not attached. I'm not attached.

The world is a sickening place!

Good night. Good night.

. _ .

D I ALoguE (a full-length msn excerpt)

:
.

Dick says:
u have a girlfriend?

Dick says:
not bad leh!

Dick says:
woots

zhaong says:
nah. troubled bcos I can't go out (on V day) and see all the pretty girls being taken

zhaong says:
no gf yet la

Dick says:
hahhaa

Dick says:
why so

zhaong says:
why so?

zhaong says:
troubled you mean?

Dick says:
ya

zhaong says:
actually. I don't know. it seems the in-thing to be attached these days

zhaong says:
I'm seeing too many pretty girls getting attached too often

zhaong says:
so I'm wondering if I can do without a pretty gf in future (of course, 'pretty' is a subjective criteria)

zhaong says:
in my context also includes a kind and amiable personality.

zhaong says:
girls like that are somewhat in high demand, and I would expect to be almost extinct

zhaong says:
u see.. that's how i think

Dick says:
dun worry too much

Dick says:
u know why

zhaong says:
why?

Dick says:
there're gals who are not attached out there

Dick says:
:)

Dick says:
also think this way

Dick says:
not all attached 'pretty' girls get married.

zhaong says:
somehow, capturing the moment of envy is simply enough to aggravate my depression.

zhaong says:
lol

zhaong says:
*heads desk*

zhaong says:
i need to get a life

Dick says:
hahaha

Dick says:
your life now is studies.

Dick says:
my life now is entering army. period.

Dick says:
when u go out to work, u can easily find one!! trust me.

:
.

To end off this transcript from my private space with a fitting song for the mood:

"I felt that no one ever told the truth to me..
about growing up and what a struggle it can be..

blahblah.. tangled state of mind... blabla..."

Too much love will kill you - QUEEN

A Scanner Brightly

This movie looks great to watch!


You thought it was animation... It looks amazing in the colours and technology they used to make the films' called rotoscoping.

It looks as if you took drugs by the way thei made it.

The colours in the above picture made me think of playing worms 2 in those secondary school days.


Was this movie shown in Singapore? How come I didn't know about it? i must get the dvd!






Linkout: http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0405296/

Maybe this guy is right about the self-imposed restrictions.

http://verkhovensky.wordpress.com/2007/01/21/quality-control/

A Canadian English school teacher in Korea.

Good blog. =)

Random = Experimental nonsense

Dreams of getting a guitar and performing to the girl of my dreams constantly fill my head.

I'm
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Experimental_music

rendang this page.

to be honest, it sprouted form htis page :
http://verkhovensky.wordpress.com/2007/02/04/john-cage-%e2%80%93-wallpaper-is-not-music-and-is

the loins won

before january ends

post-concert, post-work, and report-writing syndrome

THOUGHT:
Life cannot be fully appreciated from the course of studying biology. you'd have to know the arts, which set the boundaries of limited human comprehension of their world around.

"problems that plaque whole human societies cannot be adequately explained, or appreciated from the intrinsic viewpoint of a single biological system. "

It's always been a dream to zoom out to a helicopter view and study cities, watch people move about in the metropolis. the streets. the buildings. the tower spikes. the ants crawling on the concrete. the densely populated hive.

Lush is playing some lousy mixes this morning, or why am I underappreciating it?

We're always listening to something someone else has said. I say we defy their expectations.

Two music channels I support

1. music on Lush 99.5fm
- provides the best atmospheric music for jogging, dancing, etc..

2. the observatory
- provides soulful music to the tortured listener of poor tunes. -_-"''


Aye, for the observatory! They are Singapore's innovators of music..


I dislike punk rock . It drains away youthful energy that could be put to better use.

Three Ghost Stories.

Warning: Don't read this alone, after midnight..!!
The following stories are real accounts and are still
relevant, affecting stumbling innocent lives to this day...


Ghost Story #1


When I was young, I lived in a deserted kampong deep in the
jungle. Every night, my mother would ask me not to go home
too late as there won't be any transportation after a certain time.

One night, before going home, I ta pao a kueh teow soup for
supper. I was late and I waited for the taxi/bus but there
was none. I was getting worried as the night was getting
darker and darker. So I tried to flag down private vehicles
to take me home.

There was no one stopping for me, till one motorcyclist took
sympathy on me and stopped to give me a lift. He was a
man with a kind face. I accepted his offer and got onto his
motorbike.

On the way home, we would pass by a temple. At night, the
temple looked eerily spooky with the dim lights from the
candles.

At first, the motorcyclist was warm and friendly. When the
temple was approaching, the motorcyclist eyes grown bigger
and bigger. His kind face turned to a face of anger. He was
muttering something loud but was inaudible to me. I was so
scared that I closed my eyes in order not to see his angry face.

Then, the motorcylist stopped in front of the temple and
then yelled at me.

"Your kueh teow soup is so hot!! It is burning my thigh! Can
you please move it away???"


Ghost Story #2


When I was young, I have two friends who were very close to
each other. They played with each other everyday. It was
like, if you see A, you would see B next to him. They were
always together.

A loved fried eggs. Whenever he went out for lunch or dinner,
without fail, he would ask for fried egg on top of his noodles,
fried rice, etc.

One day, A involved in an accident and died.

B was devastated. B went to the cemetery to pray everyday.

He would go to the nearest restaurant and ta pao a box of fried rice
with an egg on top to be offered to A when he went to pray
to him.


The next day, he opened the box and there was no egg inside!
B was petrified. He thought, must be A who came and took the
fried egg away.

The same thing happened the next day and the day after that.

B was confused. So, one day, he asked the chef to make the
same fried rice with a fried egg again. Then, he went to the
cemetery to offer it to A. Curious, he opened the box to
check for the egg. He was angry to find that, there was no
fried egg in the box after all.

Feeling that he had been cheated, he went back to the
restaurant and demanded to see the Chef. "Where is the fried
egg?? I told you there must be a fried egg inside!! You have
cheated me for a few days now! Gimme back my money!!"

Then, the Chef got really angry and opened the box - the
fried egg was inside the box.

The Chef said, "Stupid! You open the box upside down. No
wonder you cannot see the egg!!"


Ghost Story #3


When I was young, I went to town to work with a group of
friends during our summer holidays of two months. Being
young and away from home for the first time, we drank and
smoke like nobody's business.

One night, we were pissed drunk and flagged the last bus
down to go home.

Being tired, we slept in the bus.

It had been awhile that I fell asleep. I was awoke by the
chilly wind. I was shocked to find that there was no one in
the bus, and I was the last passenger. I looked in front to
check out for the driver. But the driver was no where in
sight. Yet, the bus was moving.

I panicked shitless. I rubbed my eyes to make sure that I
was not dreaming. The night was dark and cold.

I hysterically jumped out from the bus and tried to run as
hard as I could to get away.

Then I heard someone yelled at me from behind the bus.

"Hey! Don't run away! Come over here and help to push the
bus!" yelled the bus driver.

I saw my other friends helping to push the bus, which broke
down while I was asleep.


THE END (-_-")

Origin: Saeadah_AHAMED@pharmacy.nh... Dated Thu 04/05/2006 5:47 PM

Edited by zhaong for your pleasure.

lotsa bom.

Bom..



















..BOM..



















.. BOM!!

Happy New Year.. . pull your ear !! (", b) << - - -