Questions

A general restlessness stirs me every now and then.

Could this be it - ?

1. Getting involved in Christianity (serving a greater cause, and securing a way to heaven)?

Humbling myself to the higher order, acknowledging the presence of a Creator; and dropping all my egos and pretenses in front of others; my arrogance... as a mere man... destined for... worship. I wish I could... but I can't do it. I'm too arrogant to humble myself. It makes me vulnerable and insecure.

And if you are turning away from Church, means you are turning away from God? And away from God you go, to the Clutches of Satan? God wants you to make a choice, but it seems like a rhetoric, if the God's word in Christianity is the only accepted one as truth. I do not wish to believe that Buddhists, Catholics, Hindus, Moslems, Taoists are under the influence of Satan. It's part of the convenant made with God to see the world in his word.

"There shall be no other Gods before you"

I admit my reasons for going to Church are inclusive of secondary ones, like forging friendships or social connections, ridding the loneliness that gnaws in the empty spaces of the mind.

Somehow though, reading the bible has such lasting effect, it makes me ponder aloud in my mind, seeming as if God was really talking to me : "Oh ye, of little faith..." Yet I wish it wouldn't be so artificial sometimes, I wish I didn't analyse things and say.. oh, you know, that's because you've read it, and it triggered a response of thought that goes along those lines.. I wish God would prove himself to me and show me the right way, rather than subject me to the trial of choosing among religions. This overzealous worship, I feel sometimes, might be exactly what it is. I am filled with doubt during service - does all worship and prayers make one wholesome enough to adopt an insulation attitude towards one's work? I wish they would just cut down on the worship, cause I don't believe God is an Emperor, who fills heaven with riches, and enjoys hearing the worship session while people and animals on earth Are Suffering. and look we're just doing nothing-but-singing in the meantime and pouring our minds into prayers... In my current level of faith, I'm not convinced.

James, you said that the process to becoming a Christian was a gradual transformation. I agree, I've actually changed parts of my thinking because of God's word. However, I find it hard to agree with some of the things that Christians do. It might not be a lifetime relationship of Church visits for me.


2. Getting involved in being Vegetarian (and join the Buddha group)?

3. Applying for a Diploma in Mass Communication (dreams to be one of the writers for our daily newspaper)?

4. Sticking by my Acapella group through thick and thin (dreaming of glamour, rather than creating cool, heartfelt music?)

5. Forgetting about tinkering with musical instruments?

6. Buying the correct DVD... and making all the other choices.. Dear me.