This is day 4 since I've revealed my intentions for you. I hope you'd never come here and read.

my last 3 posts were hell and crap, admist confusion. There's still a bit of residual crap at the end here though.

But thinking on the bus ride home, I wanted to take a final stand on this issue.

I think I know what to do:
1) I will stop whining and be a man.
2) I will not withdraw my support for you as a friend (that is my commitment to every friend I have).
3) I will try to put you out of my mind for the time being, since it has become a frightful obsession. I will not feed those feelings unless necessary; because you serve as a valuable source of inspiration for me - let me be as hardworking and bright as you are!
4) I can't put you out of my mind completely. My feelings for you have not changed, and I will continue to prove myself.
5) Life goes on as usual and I will stay true to myself (not for you, or anyone).

* * *

I can count the number of friends I have with my 10 fingers. (Tell me, what's the difference between a friend and an acquaintance? Am I right to make clear distinctions between the two?) I hate it when I can't connect deeply with anyone. Shit. It makes me feel so worthless. I can't stand firmly rooted to the ground. I suppose if I don't change my personality now, I will never make it through life. No more fussy-picking amongst friends. (Yet, what's important to me? I'm just so damn serious about everything.)