Bask in glorry.. (& optimism, & hope, & love, & warmth)
Friday, March 24, 2006
THE WORLD TODAY.
... Up to you to make it the best yet!
Bask in glorry.. (& optimism, & hope, & love, & warmth)
Bask in glorry.. (& optimism, & hope, & love, & warmth)
Hospital visit.
It is a sorry sight, but it can't be avoided. The sights & sounds of a hospital...
A few minutes past 7 o'clock. General Hospital. Block 4. Me and Dad were alone in the elevator ascending to the 8th storey (wards and more wards).
"What is rehabilation... Is it for those drug-addicts?" Dad posed a question about the 4th floor.
Yes, I nodded. Clearly, I wasn't sure. But that answer got rid of the question.
We stepped out from the lift into a cold white corridor. A trace scent of disinfectant. Lugging along my backpack as usual, I followed in my father's footsteps as he turned around a corner to the wards on the right. We walked through this corridor, passing a sort of waiting room and reception at the end, and turned again to the right. Then we countered the third corridor with a left turn. Walls on both sides, like a maze. Glancing at signposts for a matter of guidance... and we eventually got there.
The ward was a room shrouded in dim lighting (it being the time of evening) with 4 hospital beds and a set of curtains lodged in-between each pair of beds. These were found on both sides of the room - blocking the view of the adjacent bed a patient would see when she rolled onto one side. For my Grandma, she sees the patient in the opposite bed, an elderly patient. Muslim, apparently, because she wore a black headscarf. In fact, the ward was full of old people. All on their backs, lying on the bed.
My aunt, lets-name-her Kim, was already stationed there to help Grandma, a tuft of white and grey hair sitting atop her hazel brown face, creased with wrinkles. Grandma didn't look happy. At the foot of her bed, was food uneaten, still left intact on the table. She saw us arriving, but otherwise, she was looking at the TV hanging from the ceiling at the corner of the bed. What was I going to say? My head was on a roll, grinding my preformed thoughts into fine quality thread...
Whereupon, came the usual exchange of words between family. I contributed a little. Most regrettably, I have never had the knack of successfully learning Teochew speaking dialect, hence, I have difficulty understanding what my Grandma was saying to me. As usual, the grown-ups did all the talking. I stared at the TV, and recalled a passage in 'Brave New World', where all she did was just sat there, watching the TV.
The nurse (trainee) came in. A silver timepiece hanging from her shirt pocket caught my eye, above which read her nametag. She made graceful and precise movements and did whatever she was doing. I realised she must have mastery over the Teochew dialect, for she knew how to speak.
Up till then, I was hearing a continuous croaking sound coming from the adjacent bed. I peeped, to see her mouth gaping slightly open and to confirm it as the source of the sounds. She was a stroke patient, aged 92. That's all I know, but I can't help feeling sorry for her.
My father asked me 'why'? Why was Grandma getting confused or forgetful about where she was (in hospital instead of her house). I mentioned that, of course, the brain cells are not as abundant as before, and are not replenished as fast as they are destroyed. Alternatively, but more unlikely, it might be self-denial, that her health has declined from before. I can't believe how strongly I believed in my answer to be correct. But these things, they have been around for so long, and its implications to human-life were after all essential. I answer, perhaps emotionless, in cold-blood. Maybe it was because Grandma and I weren't very close, with nothing to talk about, and difficult to talk to each other, attributing to my lack of affection.
Grandma was afflicted by a malicious virus lately. Details were not disclosed to me. But it was definitely causing trouble.
I read the plastic sachet or what they call IV drip. IV KCL. Intravenous Potassium Chloride to aid in electrolyte balance. (O... now I missed the point of this entry. Just making an attempt at description)
A few minutes past 7 o'clock. General Hospital. Block 4. Me and Dad were alone in the elevator ascending to the 8th storey (wards and more wards).
"What is rehabilation... Is it for those drug-addicts?" Dad posed a question about the 4th floor.
Yes, I nodded. Clearly, I wasn't sure. But that answer got rid of the question.
We stepped out from the lift into a cold white corridor. A trace scent of disinfectant. Lugging along my backpack as usual, I followed in my father's footsteps as he turned around a corner to the wards on the right. We walked through this corridor, passing a sort of waiting room and reception at the end, and turned again to the right. Then we countered the third corridor with a left turn. Walls on both sides, like a maze. Glancing at signposts for a matter of guidance... and we eventually got there.
The ward was a room shrouded in dim lighting (it being the time of evening) with 4 hospital beds and a set of curtains lodged in-between each pair of beds. These were found on both sides of the room - blocking the view of the adjacent bed a patient would see when she rolled onto one side. For my Grandma, she sees the patient in the opposite bed, an elderly patient. Muslim, apparently, because she wore a black headscarf. In fact, the ward was full of old people. All on their backs, lying on the bed.
My aunt, lets-name-her Kim, was already stationed there to help Grandma, a tuft of white and grey hair sitting atop her hazel brown face, creased with wrinkles. Grandma didn't look happy. At the foot of her bed, was food uneaten, still left intact on the table. She saw us arriving, but otherwise, she was looking at the TV hanging from the ceiling at the corner of the bed. What was I going to say? My head was on a roll, grinding my preformed thoughts into fine quality thread...
Whereupon, came the usual exchange of words between family. I contributed a little. Most regrettably, I have never had the knack of successfully learning Teochew speaking dialect, hence, I have difficulty understanding what my Grandma was saying to me. As usual, the grown-ups did all the talking. I stared at the TV, and recalled a passage in 'Brave New World', where all she did was just sat there, watching the TV.
The nurse (trainee) came in. A silver timepiece hanging from her shirt pocket caught my eye, above which read her nametag. She made graceful and precise movements and did whatever she was doing. I realised she must have mastery over the Teochew dialect, for she knew how to speak.
Up till then, I was hearing a continuous croaking sound coming from the adjacent bed. I peeped, to see her mouth gaping slightly open and to confirm it as the source of the sounds. She was a stroke patient, aged 92. That's all I know, but I can't help feeling sorry for her.
My father asked me 'why'? Why was Grandma getting confused or forgetful about where she was (in hospital instead of her house). I mentioned that, of course, the brain cells are not as abundant as before, and are not replenished as fast as they are destroyed. Alternatively, but more unlikely, it might be self-denial, that her health has declined from before. I can't believe how strongly I believed in my answer to be correct. But these things, they have been around for so long, and its implications to human-life were after all essential. I answer, perhaps emotionless, in cold-blood. Maybe it was because Grandma and I weren't very close, with nothing to talk about, and difficult to talk to each other, attributing to my lack of affection.
Grandma was afflicted by a malicious virus lately. Details were not disclosed to me. But it was definitely causing trouble.
I read the plastic sachet or what they call IV drip. IV KCL. Intravenous Potassium Chloride to aid in electrolyte balance. (O... now I missed the point of this entry. Just making an attempt at description)
Wednesday, March 15, 2006
I wanted to make the title of this entry 'restless wanderings of the lonely heart'.. <3
how cliche.
I can guess from the way I'm being treated by you now, approximately where I stand. I have significantly diminished in value since, since I've departed from our interactions on a regular basis. Needless now, for our rare exchange of words. Now, I know I don't mean anything at all.
It was all delusional. and I am sorry for it. (how many times do I have to summarise these stuff to get my thoughts cleared..)
I always started the conversations, and wonder when you would be able to do so. Avoid me at all cost if you will. I harbour you no ill-feelings but, from the looks of it, we might as well be strangers.
I supposed I asked too much of you. How can I force my feelings on anyone. yeah? That's exactly what I'm doing now. But, well, I need an outlet.
The winds of change are blowing, and I stand still. I suppose you have a message to give. Don't get trapped in a moment in time. Learn to change and adapt, to circumstances, to change, like a living being in an evolutionary process, or get wiped out - sorry.
how cliche.
I can guess from the way I'm being treated by you now, approximately where I stand. I have significantly diminished in value since, since I've departed from our interactions on a regular basis. Needless now, for our rare exchange of words. Now, I know I don't mean anything at all.
It was all delusional. and I am sorry for it. (how many times do I have to summarise these stuff to get my thoughts cleared..)
I always started the conversations, and wonder when you would be able to do so. Avoid me at all cost if you will. I harbour you no ill-feelings but, from the looks of it, we might as well be strangers.
I supposed I asked too much of you. How can I force my feelings on anyone. yeah? That's exactly what I'm doing now. But, well, I need an outlet.
The winds of change are blowing, and I stand still. I suppose you have a message to give. Don't get trapped in a moment in time. Learn to change and adapt, to circumstances, to change, like a living being in an evolutionary process, or get wiped out - sorry.
Monday, March 13, 2006
It's time to fall asleep
my days are getting quite meaningless to begin with.
I see no point in my existence in 'cyberspace'. I doubt I'd be missed, unless I make my appearances less often. I wonder how come none of my old CCA peeps are talking to me? Is it bcos they have taken offense at me quitting for no apparent reason at all? Nobody understands how I felt the subsequent weeks following which I 'quit choir', stopped myself coming for practices... I desired someone, anyone, to tell me I'm still needed, unless my presence is of no value at all...
For which I waited and waited... But no query came. No question of what was happening to me:
"Depressive, addictive withdrawal; it was hell,
Sunlight burning the snail inside the shell..."
-some ditty I came up with on the spot
Questions tormented me in my sleep. ~but it was all for the best I suppose. The stress was something to be dealt with on its own. And I had one less excuse for my academic mistakes. Unanswered questions.. Up till now, I wanted to stop thinking, to let things rest.
Days of listening to Bach's Double Violin Concerto in D Minor BWV 1043 II (Largo Ma Non Tanto) of sweeping melancholy. Sweet at the beginning, then progresses to such sweet sorrow, like the weeping of 2 ladies. Well... I dunno... that's what it sounds like to me.
No matter, my secretive nature was difficult to understand to begin with. Let me live my life, love and die in peace. The boy in the well (~REM).
I see no point in my existence in 'cyberspace'. I doubt I'd be missed, unless I make my appearances less often. I wonder how come none of my old CCA peeps are talking to me? Is it bcos they have taken offense at me quitting for no apparent reason at all? Nobody understands how I felt the subsequent weeks following which I 'quit choir', stopped myself coming for practices... I desired someone, anyone, to tell me I'm still needed, unless my presence is of no value at all...
For which I waited and waited... But no query came. No question of what was happening to me:
"Depressive, addictive withdrawal; it was hell,
Sunlight burning the snail inside the shell..."
-some ditty I came up with on the spot
Questions tormented me in my sleep. ~but it was all for the best I suppose. The stress was something to be dealt with on its own. And I had one less excuse for my academic mistakes. Unanswered questions.. Up till now, I wanted to stop thinking, to let things rest.
Days of listening to Bach's Double Violin Concerto in D Minor BWV 1043 II (Largo Ma Non Tanto) of sweeping melancholy. Sweet at the beginning, then progresses to such sweet sorrow, like the weeping of 2 ladies. Well... I dunno... that's what it sounds like to me.
No matter, my secretive nature was difficult to understand to begin with. Let me live my life, love and die in peace. The boy in the well (~REM).
My first Quiz..
You scored as Libra. You get along best with the sign of Libra. Altough Librans may appear as fickle or indecisive, they are wonderful friends to have. Librans constantly strive for balance; they do their best to make sure life runs smoothly and fairly for everyone. They are considerate, tactful, loving people. Who could posibly resist a Libran's charm =D ?? They are lovers of art and beauty. The only problem with Librans is that they can be very clingy and dependent upon others at times.
What sign of the Zodiac are you meant for? created with QuizFarm.com |
I am a Scorpoi... Although, I only follow horoscopes to a limited-or-none extent nowadays. I wonder why I'd get along with a Libra now... I must rewire my brain circuitry. My major flaw.
Beating the holiday blues
When I received my results, I immediately felt relieved at the prospect of not taking any supplementary papers; but otherwise, later on, I felt a sinking sense of despair, knowing too well my accumulated grades so far, will carry me nowhere...
My GPA is 2.73. Stagnation. My Cross Disciplinary Subjects (CDS) 'Intro-' 'Economics', 'Sociology' are the only ones I'm proud of in my result slip, having scored 'Z's (Distinction)... Otherwise, I won't even show people my results... (I'm an 'A'-less student)
It has always been my ambition to become an Auror. Whoops. Strike off that line. To become an Author, more like it. An ambition inspired by the magical books of Roald Dahl, Dick King Smith... I've read since young. Enid Blyton was far too English for my tastes... Delving in English Mythology... like Enchanted trees, elves, pixies, Wishing Chairs... all these I can remember. Children's books have an unlimited scope of imagination.
Anyway, what happened today? Physical Training Session: Played badminton at school with KaiL and JingS... So, it was a 2 vs 1 match. And being the guy of course, I had to be the one running around the 1 man-field. Not that I mind, not at all. They didn't seem to mind my lack of ability at playing proper badminton. Yup. All of us could do with some improvement, from the way I've seen others play. I was lucky I didn't smack mercilessly this game, like I did always. So I got away this time without being scolded. Wonder what would it be like next week with Inky and Devi coming to join us.
After that, KaiL went for her breakfast bcos she didn't have it. And then we watched the Ring.. I was seriously spooked-out, but otherwise impressed at all the visual imagery depicted during the course of the film. Oh man. Picking off live fly from a frozen television image~ getting a nosebleed in the process. And that hi-frequency girl ghost. All the fast-forwarded action... ready to shock the wits out of you. Definitely a cursed videotape. I hope I don't get nitemarez. But of course, I like the scenery of the lone maple tree in the Mountain Inn. Ashamed of myself, I am. For only I freaked out, while KL & JS took it as not scary at all.
Meanwhile, went home to watch Full Metal Panic II The 2nd Raid... and Fruits Basket... to remove all unwanted feelings of shock...
Seven days. I can't wait.
My GPA is 2.73. Stagnation. My Cross Disciplinary Subjects (CDS) 'Intro-' 'Economics', 'Sociology' are the only ones I'm proud of in my result slip, having scored 'Z's (Distinction)... Otherwise, I won't even show people my results... (I'm an 'A'-less student)
It has always been my ambition to become an Auror. Whoops. Strike off that line. To become an Author, more like it. An ambition inspired by the magical books of Roald Dahl, Dick King Smith... I've read since young. Enid Blyton was far too English for my tastes... Delving in English Mythology... like Enchanted trees, elves, pixies, Wishing Chairs... all these I can remember. Children's books have an unlimited scope of imagination.
Anyway, what happened today? Physical Training Session: Played badminton at school with KaiL and JingS... So, it was a 2 vs 1 match. And being the guy of course, I had to be the one running around the 1 man-field. Not that I mind, not at all. They didn't seem to mind my lack of ability at playing proper badminton. Yup. All of us could do with some improvement, from the way I've seen others play. I was lucky I didn't smack mercilessly this game, like I did always. So I got away this time without being scolded. Wonder what would it be like next week with Inky and Devi coming to join us.
After that, KaiL went for her breakfast bcos she didn't have it. And then we watched the Ring.. I was seriously spooked-out, but otherwise impressed at all the visual imagery depicted during the course of the film. Oh man. Picking off live fly from a frozen television image~ getting a nosebleed in the process. And that hi-frequency girl ghost. All the fast-forwarded action... ready to shock the wits out of you. Definitely a cursed videotape. I hope I don't get nitemarez. But of course, I like the scenery of the lone maple tree in the Mountain Inn. Ashamed of myself, I am. For only I freaked out, while KL & JS took it as not scary at all.
Meanwhile, went home to watch Full Metal Panic II The 2nd Raid... and Fruits Basket... to remove all unwanted feelings of shock...
Seven days. I can't wait.
Saturday, March 04, 2006
4 MAR
back from the exams.. and term hell... what u call it.
There is no curse in tongues worthy of the hell I've been put through. Oh. Thank god I survived.
But what is left before me, puts me to misery.
8 weeks of holidays.. Now who would want to employ someone for 2 months, with no prior job experience, and no worthy skills.. As I slump back in my home as a latch-key child. I thought, I'm 18 years of age, and should behave somewhat better than Harry Potter. Pardon, I read the last 2 books. Reading 'Half-blood prince' now. The jokes in the story are quite nice... Every named character has a purpose and fills room in the story.
Anyway. I thought about things like doing the housework, and cooking; since I'm in a dual-income household. Heck. The stuff churned out of my wok was hmm... cooked sardine tomato lettuce salad and lightly boiled ham. The sardine and ham was precooked of course.
And the one who occasionally turns up in my mind.. Why do I have to shrug off the feeling that I'm being avoided, that I have significantly put our friendship in jeopardy, this time? Well, when will time allow me to be forgiven? Singing, 'Only fools rush in' when I'm none the wiser...
When will I learn?
There is no curse in tongues worthy of the hell I've been put through. Oh. Thank god I survived.
But what is left before me, puts me to misery.
8 weeks of holidays.. Now who would want to employ someone for 2 months, with no prior job experience, and no worthy skills.. As I slump back in my home as a latch-key child. I thought, I'm 18 years of age, and should behave somewhat better than Harry Potter. Pardon, I read the last 2 books. Reading 'Half-blood prince' now. The jokes in the story are quite nice... Every named character has a purpose and fills room in the story.
Anyway. I thought about things like doing the housework, and cooking; since I'm in a dual-income household. Heck. The stuff churned out of my wok was hmm... cooked sardine tomato lettuce salad and lightly boiled ham. The sardine and ham was precooked of course.
And the one who occasionally turns up in my mind.. Why do I have to shrug off the feeling that I'm being avoided, that I have significantly put our friendship in jeopardy, this time? Well, when will time allow me to be forgiven? Singing, 'Only fools rush in' when I'm none the wiser...
When will I learn?
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