I remember

The first time the world elucidated proof of her existence to me, was in the Summer of 2004. During that time I had enrolled and accepted a course in Temasek Polytechnic after graduation from Secondary School. In the months before my polytechnic education began, I was engaged in weekly choir practices with the Colibri Chamber Choir.

I remember going to places like the top level foodcourt of Amara Hotel, and meeting with great, fun-loving choristers like April, Nicole, Suat Huang, Albert, June, Reuben and Karen, and Roger. We've also been to places like Roger's condo @ Tanjong Pagar, Yoshioko's place, and Reuben's home at Bukit Timah. (All right, I've also been to Nelson's home at Tanah Merah before, when I was in TVC, but it doesn't matter here). I kind of miss the 'sisterhood' of those days. 'April-talk' or girls giving harmless but interesting gossip at lunch, which sometimes threatened to pollute my mind (but it sounds silly really); it makes me wanna laugh along with them.

My point is, it was that sunny afternoon after vocalising at Reuben's place. Albert caught hold of the news that I was going to study in TP. I sort of expressed to him, my interest in knowing what was the group, TP Choir like, and whether it would be worthwhile to spend my time on it as a CCA. My chosen alternative was to take up a sport, like trying out for soccer. Somehow, he sort of persuaded me by saying that you know, "what's so fun about running around the field the whole day, getting tired at the end of the day?" Which made me stop short of my decision. So I thought I'd give it a shot and see what kind of choir he runs in TP. Purely "a matter of convenience", since I know Albert. I was complaining I don't know anyone else.. And then comes along SH saying "I've got a friend in TP who's interested in joining TP Choir." Then, that was the first moment an unknown had emerged in my memories.

A week later after school started, SH came around to TP in her TPJC Uniform around 5.30pm. She was grinning, happy to see me in a school full of staring strangers. I continually teased her for wearing the uniform, being in the wrong school. It was around that time that I first met with her friend - I can't remember - our first encounter was never that vivid in my memory. I'm confused over whether she wore contact lenses or spectacles.

This fragment simply slipped into my consciousness, just now. It's one of my concerns that get the better of me. It always come back to the question, whether our chance meeting changed my life for the better or worse. I don't want to think about it - 'how it changed..' me either, it goes both ways. It makes me more experienced in working with people. You know honestly, I can't move you at all. I'm unworthy.

Bare Necessities

I GOT THE ANSWER ==> WHAT I WANT TO DO AFTER NS.

bored musings

John Legend - Sun Comes Up

Well, I posted this one because YT recommended it. I still prefer the Young Folks below by Peter Bjorn and John. It's very catchy.

==

I stayed at home. It was raining. I finished 'Arry Potter Deathly Hallows today, after months of reading. In fact I think I started reading it a bit in June, after I enlisted. Cripe.

I always thought of the Harry Potter series as humour. The elements of slapstick are in it, with Fred & George's bags of tricks, and antics. The names Rowling give for its creatures, characters, are somewhat clever and unique, as they have already sunken roles into the characters themselves. Dumble the humble. V is for Villian. I am not so fond of the name Potter however (a flower pot is the first thing that comes to mind).

In the last book, I find that she makes her quarrelsome characters collide with each other too often. There is too much soap opera, and crying, it makes the book somewhat unbearable for a guy like me to look at. The Chapter at the King's Cross station however, was cool, it was so unexpected, so 'Matrix-revolutions'-like. It still sends a chill down my spine when I read it, about talking to the dead, and being caught in limbo. Time magazine had reported that Rowling had the series planned in its resemblance to political & social content in Thatcher's Britain, Dumbledore & gay themes, discrimination, etcetera. But if it is true, I'm happy I don't see it, I still see it as an adventure. A very long one, in fact.

=
i wish i wasn't so childish.
i'm 20 years old now. where's my ambition, levelheaded-ness and drive for success?
Geesh. (Failed in self-examination)
=

i did a bit of stock-taking, and still pondering what I want in the future. Those digging questions from the new people I meet, "Say, where are you going after NS? ... Two years isn't a very long time, you know?" cause me severe inflammatory reactions. My pimples are breaking out all over again.

I'm reading "Hallucinating Foccault". Seriously, the Gay theme is overblown in this novel. There are many theories that might work for or against homosexuals in their right to breathe. They are a disturbed people, who have developed the wrong sexual habits. I just feel that such people should not be discriminated against. Society should show greater concern, or symphathize with them (e.g. recommend counseling).
Yeah, I'm idealistic. I'm all for recycling, reduce and reuse too.


==

Have you ever felt that you have many things to say to someone. Yet in reality, at the dinner table, you couldn't never say nothing?

" NO - NOTHING = SOMETHING " , Therefore:
"- no - no - nothing = no SOMETHING = Nothing"

Have you ever felt that time is precious, every second you spend with her is worth more than the riches in this world - gold, diamond, and what other elemental stones, material possessions that the ignorant rabble seek to invest in?

Have you ever felt the air intensify in your lungs when you enter the room and she's there? experience a quiet form of elation?

Have you ever felt that feeling when she comes online on msn, say, "Yes, I've got to talk to her" So, catch up you know, you read what her personal message says.

==

I keep myself entertained easily. STOP THINKING. YOU'RE WASTING TIME. BACK TO READING YOUR TIME MAGAZINES AND DO SOMETHING USEFUL !!! THIS IS YOUR BOSS, LEONARD LIPOVICH.

Man, I miss his tone in those business-like emails. And maybe I miss working with Americans.

RECORD BROKEN!
I can do 11 Chin-Ups today, after downing 500mL NTUC Hi-Cal Milk.
If only I can jump as far..

I'm thinking of trying out the National Park Connectors. hmm. I must get a bicycle.

Peter Bjorn & John

I like his Lennon-like voice.

= Peter Bjorn & John =

if i told you things i did before
told you how i used to be
would you go along with someone like me
if you knew my story word for word
had all of my history
would you go along with someone like me

i did before and had my share
it didn't lead nowhere
i would go along with someone like you
it doesn't matter what you did
who you were hanging with
we could stick around and see this night through

and we don't care about the young folks
talkin' bout the young style
and we don't care about the old folks
talkin' 'bout the old style too
and we don't care about our own folks
talkin' 'bout our own stuff
all we care about is talking
talking only me and you

usually when things has gone this far
people tend to disappear
no one would surprise me unless you do

i can tell there's something goin' on
hours seem to disappear
everyone is leaving i'm still with you

it doesn't matter what we do
where we are going to
we can stick around and see this night through

and we don't care about the young folks
talkin' bout the young style
and we don't care about the old folks
talkin' 'bout the old style too
and we don't care about our own folks
talkin' 'bout our own stuff
all we care about is talking
talking only me and you

and we don't care about the young folks
talkin' bout the young style
and we don't care about the old folks
talkin' 'bout the old style too
and we don't care about our own folks
talkin' 'bout our own stuff
all we care about is talking
talking only me and you
(repeat)
talking only me and you

talking only me and you
talking only me and you

==

No matter how hard you try, some people
will NOT like you half as much as you like
them. You wonder if it's your own fault, you know
what you did, what you did not, who you are.
But it's not. It's an acceptance problem.

Then you start digging at your own esteem,
reproach yourself for the things you do,
the impressions you leave, the shortcomings,
groping in the dark for the solution,
but then it complicates things further.

No use changing the way you are.
This is my angst.

One day I'll be somebody.

Story of Stuff

I M P O R T A N T ! ! !
www.storyofstuff.com

Every inhabitant on Earth should know ! >o.O<

Quando power 3

Overheard 987FM deejays on the airwaves,
going on the topic, "relationships start during the holidays. True or false..? Pls sms your views in to 699-..."

One of the theories:
"End of the year is the time for people to stock-take on their life for the past year(s). And usually, people are lonelier and have more time to contemplate their emotions. Thus, they drop down their defenses and become more emotionally available for starting relationships."

Interesting phenomenon I can observe in people other than myself.. Something like "love is in the air"? They also said it's the season for job-hunting, as job-holders resign after getting their year-end bonus... "It is with great reluctance that I, NRIC, plan to step down from my position"... etc

Despicable.

as if I didn't have enough of schoolyard bullies, I face difficult co-sea-soldiers.

First was the best trainee in Sea Soldier Course. Extremely sensitive to touch, and selfish bastard sometimes, he can take the people around him for granted. Take for example, he can deliberately pour dust on my bed after sweeping the floor (because he was unhappy about me climbing on 'his' bed in order to clean his bedframe). And he frequently places his soiled uniform on my bed. And you claim you are the best trainee? Your wicked deed is done, and who shall forgive you if you sin, or when you go against your conscience? Unrepentant and unapologetic. Do you practise what you preach?

Why did I bring this up? Nevermind him. Today I was very upset that two of my peers resorted to schoolyard pranks and gangsterism. I was happily sitting down in my seat on the bus, minding my own business (tired, trying to sleep) when (I) the person behind, PTE L P pulled my hair - I ignored. Next, came the (II) candy wrapper on my hair, then I glared back. I changed my seat. (III) Pain [administered by PTE J L] - Knock on the head. Another bastard behind me. (IV)Go 2 seats toward the front - Knock on the head. F- IT JUST LEAVE ME ALONE. In this mode, I was gaining heat fast - why are they knocking my head? Those bored f***s.

Being bullied is a sign of weakness. Rage registered in my head. I wanted to bash them up, SO BAD! I confronted them. I don't give a damn if I'm in uniform. And it took me a while to come to my senses - I pulled back due to the shouting of my friends. I stared down at Lei Peng, that MOFO SOB, unrepentant, stared straight back at me. Seriously, when you're mad, you're mad. I've become like him, the aggressive monster I detested so much.

Mockery, plus cowardly actions they displayed today, by throttling on my bedsheets the moment I turn around, making them dirty. Nevermind. What goes around comes around~ goes around comes around~ goes around comes around~ goes around comes around~ What goes around comes around~ What goes around comes around~ goes around comes around~goes around comes around~.. For now, I have to conjure my revenge in my imagination. Of course, I will settle my score if they get too far. Unapologetic, unrepentant, they remain - despicable mofos. However, God is dead in this world, Thus, peer support is in favour of Nazis, not Jews. Some people prefer to remain neutral. Now I understand how Feng He felt. This is a battle of Good and Evil, in the simplest degree. What goes around comes around~ you stinking MOFOS.. What's so bad about Feng He, anyway? He's better than you. I WISH FENG HE, WILL KICK YOUR ASS SOMEDAY, SO BAD - YOU'LL BE DOWN ON YOUR KNEES, GROVELLING AND BEGGING FOR FORGIVENESS... SAME GOES FOR ALL OF YOU MOFOS WHO HAVE GROSSLY UNDERVALUED FENG HE'S CONTRIBUTIONS TO OUR WEEKS OF TRAINING.. ASSHOLES!! END.

It makes me lose faith in people sometimes. The only thing necessary for the triumph of evil is for good men to do nothing. (Edmund Burke) Dark side of man is omnipresent.. In a world without god. I wish god were alive, the miracles of old performed once again, and the angels bring forth peace and goodwill on earth.

==

I saw it in the MONSTER anime.I seek comfort from this passage in the bible. I have to exorcise the demons I face, the hideous beast within and without, who takes up various forms and disguises.

And the dragon stood on the sand of the seashore.
Then I saw a beast coming up out of the sea,
having ten horns and seven heads,
and on his horns were ten diadems,
and on his heads were blasphemous names.

And the beast which I saw was like a leopard,
and his feet were like those of a bear,
and his mouth like the mouth of a lion.
And the dragon gave him his power and his throne and great authority.

I saw one of his heads as if it had been slain,
and his fatal wound was healed.
And the whole earth was amazed and followed after the beast;

they worshiped the dragon because he gave his authority to the beast;
and they worshiped the beast,
chanting, “Who is like unto the beast,
and who is able to wage war with him?”

- St John, Revelation 13 - The Beast from the Sea

Wish You Were Here

feeling kind of lost, when this song surfaced in my mind



Live performance on their Pulse tour