Recovered post. too long.

Lately I've been mumbling to myself, "I hate my life!" And I believe more of it everyday. Put yourself in my shoes, and use the sociological imagination to try to understand.

Quiz week is over and I barely survived. I bombed 2 quizzes out of 3. I'll say it out loudly and proudly: f*. Who the hell imposed on me/us a quiz week! Today I realised I had 2 tutorial pop quizzes. 5 tests in a day, and put my head to rest. I'm swearing all the time!

When I'm not stoning, I'm making a run for it. I'm in the music comm. of choir, had a weekend ARTS camp last week, (attributed to me not having time to study) adding up to my list of duties. I have relationship problems - I don't have a girlfriend... Not that it matters of course. I would certainly abuse her by giving her loads of problems. So.. seek to handle thyself before thou handle thy enemy... I must manage myself capably first.

I must complain about the school! The schoolwork is a burden; they just don't give it a rest. I feel my school fees have been thoroughly misspent. I want more term-time and less rushing in academics. School should be made enjoyable above other things and not a drag!

I'm f*d asking too much. No one listens and shit happens. Well, damn them. I know the reason why people commit suicide. I take sociology, and it's because they can't take it - they can't socialise - they don't adapt to circumstances. Circumstances make it so - and that's just the way the world runs!

I want to make singers out of the ppl in choir. People notice nothing but big gestures in reality. I was throwing a bottle in the air and catching it. You'd make a few misses, but then you'd get the hang of it. Dexterity counts. Practise. Launching the bottle at an angle, begin with the end in mind. Concentrate. You exert more control over the object, rather than fumbling with the inanimate object. Begin with the end in mind. Practise. Feel the weight of the bottle. Feel how the water goes back and forth. Inertia. Launch it, and practise, practise, practise...

and practise makes things perfect.

Visualise things in your head - plans, outcomes, aims. Realise them. One thing after the next. Tick them off the checklist. You've become a planner for life.

Bad week

I suspect this might be the beginning of a lousy week.

On the contrary, I'm afraid to think that way becos it might turn out to be a SELF-FULFILLING PROPHECY.

I just seriously f*ed up a tutorial. I know it's not the end of the world, but I JUST FEEL DAMN LOUSY. It's like boiling water beneath the surface. Pressure is building up. Beneath a cavern, an icy subterranean lake. I need to let off some steam!

Listening to classical music dissolves some. Writing here expresses cracks on the solid ice surface. Reading my notes, and thinking about the subject draws out my steaming FURY. I'm not depressed! I never expected the type of questions to come out.

It's frustration. How am I supposed to score for this subject?

ARRGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH! Expletives won't help.

* * *

I indulge in all the good things in life. What kind of hardship have I known? Eat Ice-cream, must be 'Ben & Jerry'. Home-made sandwiches must have ingredients: lettuce, tomato, ham (except picnic ham) and Cheese (must not be GM). All food must not contain MSG(explicitly stated). Movies, must watch the best - the meaningful ones. Study, must be in a noise free environment. Must pick the best seats in a lecture hall. I'm damn particular...

I can't stop this madness in life. Where will it take me?

'Great expectations' can be used to describe me.