Weirdo.

I went to NYJC's choir concert today; the first I've heard in a long time.

I could never stand for commenting about the songs. I did not hear most of them anyway. I seem to think the ones I sang in were better. This means I'm biased.

I may be sick of hearing the songs tt I sang before. I couldn't decide whether to close my eyes and listen, or to open and find out where the sound is coming from.

Anyway, I felt so diam today that I just kept quiet throughout the concert, and after it. As if I can't find anything to say to old friends.

Don't get me wrong, I enjoyed the concert. It was anti-stress therapy. But I formulated some theories about my relationships.

I scratch my head thinking about shallow relationships and their 'hi-bye' limitations, and of deep, real friends that you can talk to on the same wavelength.

I thought to myself. Don't bother thinking. Just stone. "Don't worry because everything's gonna be all right!" - courtesy of a friend.

My studies are driving me crazy and I can't think of anything else.

Friends drive me crazy too.

===

Well, I got to thank Shanyu for treating me to a free show. :) OOPS.
At first I couldn't recognise you with long hair. Well, I hope you get better soon, and I'm sorry I couldn't pay you for it.

lawrence, yan ming, yan ren, huiling, jason, xuhao... My former classmates. See, I remember all of you! I really didn't expect the turnout. Well, all the best to all in life. Don't know when will we meet again...

has spoken 13th May.

I saw a customer blogging away with a laptop in the restaurant lobby. It reminded me to brush away the cobwebs here and update my little corner on the internet.

The truth is, I can't quit so early... (in less than a month)

I lied to the manager, and my integrity is compromised! I'm no longer hungering for more job experience. The manager has spent some time training me, the money paid for Typhrix injection. So through negotiation, I got shorter working hours, and a promise of staying away from stressful counter work. I negotiated too, to resign by June, 2 weeks after sch reopen. I think it is inevitable of me to resign.

I got a shock when I handled the computers at the counter. With the customers' orders running through my mind and all the 60s service... It was easy for me to refuse the challenge.

Promises of higher salary in temp. jobs are driving me crazy!

I keep challenging myself at work to perform better. Carrying as many trays as possible. As clean and fast as possible. Hi-efficiency. But sometimes, I think... why bother.

When time is a circle. (see Alan Lightman's 'Einstein's Dreams')

Look no further than the first one:

"Time is a circle; individual experience endlessly repeats itself"

After clearing hundreds of trays in the lobby, I can agree with that. I don't even keep track of the number - the number of times you check the toilet and mop it up. The number of times you look at the clock to see whether time has passed. The number of times you scan the floor. The number of times you look out through the glass windows. The number of times you open the glass door for every customer. (you'd still have to throw away rubbish and organic material)

Not to mention collecting cigarette butts in the parking lot...

A very interesting book... The concepts of time are illustrated vividly in various scenarios. The book illustrates the above by saying couples keep on making love, like they did it for the first time... Thus, they can never get sick of it.

The human race and the cycle of wars... Breakdown of organised governments, restructuring, times of chaos (war), times of relative peace. (But it can't be described in a linear fashion!) I can't even begin to understand the complexity of where we're going as a race. Maybe it's evolution, but does it really matter in the end? You know life is so short.

And once your time is over, maybe u would go away and the world would cease to exist for you. Everything in life was just a dream. Everyday you greet friends, worry over things in a waking dream...

Once you savoured the bottom-line, you plan not to waste another day.

There was a song by the rock band Hoobastank, which said we're all going in the same direction. Where else could we go in the end? Attain immortality? and I'm not talking about Elvis.

I was thinking about people who opt for having cyberbrains, like Ghost in the Shell (jap anime). Would such an existence have meaning?

Precisely, it has no meaning, and it is out to take the (money) time away from productive individuals like me! Oops. *BHB. Which means I am feeling to full of myself.*

But who wants to be a hopeless kid rotting away, and growing mould in one corner? And not to mention collecting dust. (a term coined from a teacher I love)

(I want my managers and colleagues to stop nagging at me. The frying machines to stop beeping noisily. Some peace in the working life. That's what I strive for. I want to do it right. I want to earn rightfully $3.5 an hour, live up to my principles, and a full working day's experiences.)

* * *

I'm reading 'Lord of the Flies' now. Ralph is wondering what he should do about the beast. And the reader keeps thinking: "Damn. Why can't he see that it's a dead pilot instead of a beast."

I remember the cover of the book. A smart classmate of mine was reading it in a Secondary 1 class. So that's what modern literature is... And the writer - one of the best too - received a Nobel Prize.

I quit

I'm sick of my job. Don't ask why.

I can't cope with the job - long working hours and low pay. after considering the opportunity cost; trading leisure time for menial, physically/mentally straining job was no doubt foolish.

Today I fell sick after clearing the rubbish and frying hashbrowns. Yesterday, I walked home in the rain, thinking over my decision.

The demand for hashbrowns overshot supply. I kept getting scoldings. It gets so routine after 3 weeks.

I wasted 9 grilled chicken patties when I mistook them for breakfast sausages.

It's a sick job. and I can't understand why people work there. Why people are so lazy and cannot cook nutritious food for themselves. Happy meal for the kids? Some people study in the air-conditioned environment with the sublimal messaging - advertisements over the radio...

I heard that the tasty KFC whipped potato sauce is derived from excess fried-chicken crumbs! Sick. Horrible fast food. No more will I succumb to temptations of any fast-food chain when faced with a choice!

Back to the valued hawker centres of old.

Lesson reaped: I must study hard and get a good job in future.