The truth is, I can't quit so early... (in less than a month)
I lied to the manager, and my integrity is compromised! I'm no longer hungering for more job experience. The manager has spent some time training me, the money paid for Typhrix injection. So through negotiation, I got shorter working hours, and a promise of staying away from stressful counter work. I negotiated too, to resign by June, 2 weeks after sch reopen. I think it is inevitable of me to resign.
I got a shock when I handled the computers at the counter. With the customers' orders running through my mind and all the 60s service... It was easy for me to refuse the challenge.
Promises of higher salary in temp. jobs are driving me crazy!
I keep challenging myself at work to perform better. Carrying as many trays as possible. As clean and fast as possible. Hi-efficiency. But sometimes, I think... why bother.
When time is a circle. (see Alan Lightman's 'Einstein's Dreams')
Look no further than the first one:
"Time is a circle; individual experience endlessly repeats itself"
After clearing hundreds of trays in the lobby, I can agree with that. I don't even keep track of the number - the number of times you check the toilet and mop it up. The number of times you look at the clock to see whether time has passed. The number of times you scan the floor. The number of times you look out through the glass windows. The number of times you open the glass door for every customer. (you'd still have to throw away rubbish and organic material)
Not to mention collecting cigarette butts in the parking lot...
A very interesting book... The concepts of time are illustrated vividly in various scenarios. The book illustrates the above by saying couples keep on making love, like they did it for the first time... Thus, they can never get sick of it.
The human race and the cycle of wars... Breakdown of organised governments, restructuring, times of chaos (war), times of relative peace. (But it can't be described in a linear fashion!) I can't even begin to understand the complexity of where we're going as a race. Maybe it's evolution, but does it really matter in the end? You know life is so short.
And once your time is over, maybe u would go away and the world would cease to exist for you. Everything in life was just a dream. Everyday you greet friends, worry over things in a waking dream...
Once you savoured the bottom-line, you plan not to waste another day.
There was a song by the rock band Hoobastank, which said we're all going in the same direction. Where else could we go in the end? Attain immortality? and I'm not talking about Elvis.
I was thinking about people who opt for having cyberbrains, like Ghost in the Shell (jap anime). Would such an existence have meaning?
Precisely, it has no meaning, and it is out to take the (money) time away from productive individuals like me! Oops. *BHB. Which means I am feeling to full of myself.*
But who wants to be a hopeless kid rotting away, and growing mould in one corner? And not to mention collecting dust. (a term coined from a teacher I love)
(I want my managers and colleagues to stop nagging at me. The frying machines to stop beeping noisily. Some peace in the working life. That's what I strive for. I want to do it right. I want to earn rightfully $3.5 an hour, live up to my principles, and a full working day's experiences.)
* * *
I'm reading 'Lord of the Flies' now. Ralph is wondering what he should do about the beast. And the reader keeps thinking: "Damn. Why can't he see that it's a dead pilot instead of a beast."
I remember the cover of the book. A smart classmate of mine was reading it in a Secondary 1 class. So that's what modern literature is... And the writer - one of the best too - received a Nobel Prize.
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