Expectations, Hopes & Fears.

The last word is in the negative sense that I would not dwell upon. ZH does not fear. He is invincible. at least he thinks he is.

Mounting 7d duty is f***ing crazy in every sense. Of course, not to say that we screw up on the job without fail. But the boredom and trepidation that follows with the expectation of 'what-if'. 'What if' something were to happen, that threatens the security of the base I'm guarding. 'What if' there was a bomb threat... 'What if' war broke out in the region. It IS a HEAVY WEIGHT to BEAR on your SHOULDERS. I feel tired as my work days is 7 days per week. I'm going to miss the Singapore Biennale, other activities, and I can't pursue weekend activities (e.g. studies or enrichment activities). I feel like a bird in a cage!

Then our superiors have high expectations of how we carry out our work. Seriously, how would you feel if the company is under-staffed and the hours are long? And on our resting days are organised live firing practices of outdated weapons, and over-strenuous Physical training with unrealistic expectations of your men. The cramming of our schedule on training days, in result, cheats us of our freedom to take leave.

Don't expect me to love thy unit and thy duty. Two words for you. F.. you....

Proof ?

Sometimes I feel the army screws up your life big time. Especially in a 7d in-camp, then 4d training workday (8 to 5) system. It is seriously screwed up. My acapella group is in dissolution now. sigh. well, YT, never expected you to give me false hope.

While my mood is in a down, knowing that we might never meet again, it's hard to think positively... let me grieve pls...

hahahaha..... and n ow you see me smiling.


I know it's not the end. I tell myself it's not the end. It's just a phase. I know it ain't practical to schedule myself for this acapella thing too. It's too heavy on me. I know it's heavy for you guys too. So I'm not blaming anyone. Such is our fate. Would it be that we were best friends from the same choir, sharing the same dream in making music, popularising themes, and providing entertainment, and artistic insight to the masses. However, currently, my DREAM IS BUT A DROP OF FUEL FOR MY NIGHTMARE.

AND INSANITY TAKES FLIGHT!! =(

I KNOW..
I KNOW
I KNOW what I'm gonna do.

I'm gonna run away from it all.

Running away from your troubles is the classic way. Each of us has to run down the mountain to meet our maker, like how we climbed up the mountain with our maker's blessings. (NOTICE I REFER TO GOD AS OUR MAKER)

I'm always thinking about GOD, the big question, because I want to know why I am here. AND I'M CERTAIN MY MAKER WAS INSTRUMENTAL IN THE CREATION OF LIFE (AND THE ARROGANT HUMAN RACE) - MOST OF US, GREW TOO PROUD FOR OURSELVES TO ACKNOWLEDGE THE ROOTS OF OUR HUMBLE ORIGINS. TO REFUTE THE EXISTENCE OF A MAKER WOULD BE FOOLISH, because an infinite existence of God (and the guises of other deities/immortals) are imperceptible to us living in the finite dimension. TO REFUTE THE EXISTENCE OF MIRACLES IS FOOLISH, FOR THERE IS MUCH WE DO NOT KNOW.

YET - YET - ONE IS INEVITABLY TRAPPED IN THE STRUGGLE OF FORCES THAT LEAD HUMANS ASTRAY FROM THE TRUTH, THEY SAY "SATAN" TRAPS MAN IN EVIL WAYS, AND GOD IS HOLINESS - GOODNESS, SHOWING THE TRUTH OF THE WORLD AND LIFESTYLE THAT MAN SHOULD LEAD.

Who can be sure? but there is definitely a God.. Don't expect me to believe atoms, the electrons, neutrons, and charges came from nowhere, from emptiness. Not wondrous ways, and not a miracle of God.

Songs and Feelings

Reflecting on my current feelings, I feel my life ought to be documented into a novel. It may be a life like any other, filled with boring periods of individual reflection and studies. Yet there are fleeting, enjoyable moments of social activity that just leave me craving with an empty stomach when they're gone. I think I can identify myself in a mood-swing. One minute, I'm listening to the negative melodic metal band, the next, some dance track...... No. This could be a result of my reflex positive correction. In fact, I corrected myself positively, instead of letting my mind linger on the negative thoughts and songs.

Eureka! I realise I can change the way I think! Probably by simply choosing to be positive and stop dwelling on negative thoughts. I can be content with what I have, and stop thinking about that which is not mine. And you can play with your own mind, if you know what perks you up. Sometimes you just need to F***ING HELL WAKE UP YOUR IDEA!! =)


My dream's but a drop of fuel for a nightmare


The walls of night have left me scarred
the broken glass I stepped on, twice.
the ardent spirits' rusty edge, decapitate me...

Believe the dreams that let you sleep
the broken glass you need to sweep
The book you read; if you found an explanation
to help you in any way,
you are your own prison.


When I listen to metal, I often impose my personal anguish into it, typical of the song style. I use it as a medium to convey my emotions, otherwise repressed. I'm not saying it's a good thing. There's a limit to how far you should express them.

And now I'm listening to MISIA... in her eighth world album. feels like 7th heaven to me.

The trappings of the mind!!!

Review of Le Marche de Emperor (March of the Penguins).

Likes
1) Hallmark factual documentary on Penguin's mating season.
2) Showed the fact that Penguins behave in a similar fashion to humans. The viewer can empathise with the feelings of the animals.
3) Showed examples of reproductive successes and failures
4) Showed that Penguines are also prone to emotions (e.g. grief, joy of freedom)


Disliked
1) New-age lyrical music gives me the goosebumps.
2) Portrays Penguins' reproductive journey as quasi-religious, (which may for a fact be true).
3) The artificial scripts can be too imaginative sometimes.
4) Penguins' cry reminiscent of "The Call of the Ktulu" (Don't read that book.)


***

The Cola Wars (Modern Marvels)

http://www.surfthechannel.com/info/documentaries/Modern_Marvels/69139/13x43+The+Cola+Wars.html?aid=73911


***

Sometimes, I will have this unspeakable urge to write, because of the inability to convey my thoughts to anyone. My thoughts are always inadequate on the subject or incoherent to form a whole. And I know I seldom win in arguments, unless I have a deep conviction that I am right.

Oh Stranger, ignore the last three emo sentences addressed to thin air - myself.

WALL-E, the foolish robot falls for EVE. And is giving me a hard time playing the movie companion on my PSP. The scrap-collecting robot scoops up thrash, and compresses them into "junk-cubes". The junk cubes are stacked into towers. This in perspective, is hardly environmental-friendly, as the junk to be sorted is not returned back to the earth. Hence the desert wasteland, sandstorms. The name BNL (By 'n Large) Corporation which employs WALL-E robots, has an apt name for handling by-products and Bulky waste. At the rate we're using stuff, this is am ugly future we can anticipate

PALM OIL KILLS CHIMPS.. I'm seriously missing the environmental activist.

and Red Cliff is a good movie. I'm going to expand this post if I have time...

Local Bands/Talent I endorse:

Max Shanti
The Observatory
Leslie Low
The Great Spy Experiment
Joi Tsai (the butterfly sung)

Electrico (I've only heard a few songs)

Allegiance to myself

The other day I was just ranting about the Christian culture in Singapore. But I picked up a nugget in my subconscious mind that says, "no more". In which Jesus said to his disciple, who attacked the Roman soldiers, that there will be no more of this (bloodshed). The nugget has profound meaning in context that we can explore. To me, it means if you see evil being carried out, you will choose not to endorse it, and - going one step further - do everything in your power to bring about the triumph of good over evil.

Most of us have an idea what evil is. Satan is the embodiment of evil (ie. endorses evil deeds). To choose to sin (do bad deeds) is falling under the influence of evil. Satan is not something to be feared, but to be despised.

I relate to this while making my choices over matters. 21 years of age has increased the stakes and responsibilities over making choices. I hope this wisdom never leaves me, that I would still be in touch with God, or an inner sense of righteousness, in my darkest hour.

* * *

Videos that have reallly mind-f*ed me. The vulgar term we soldiers use, means playing with your mind. these are the life-changing videos that have been making me think about universal accountability.

1. The movie "Ironman"
2. www.storyofstuff.com
3. Youtube - Overfishing
4. TED's Silicon Valley CEO Global Warming talk
5. TED's British Scientist on Longevity (how to cure Ageing)
6. International Academy of Lymphology
7. Night talk with Dr Willie Smiths on Red Orangutans

I'm not fully buying some of this stuff. Because they have made me raise eyebrows many times.

I tried to recall the exclusive afternoon talk by Sydney Brenner 2 years ago... I'm sure I still have notes. That's all.